Busy Bee

I've been busy writing internship applications, so I had to go into the archives for something. The archives being this folder from my undergrad years labeled "personal diatribes." The excerpt below is from a critical editorial I wrote of my undergrad experience, as if the president of our university had to live the life of one of the ugrad students.

After filling his tummy with yummy goo, our President could then make his way to class. If he’s lucky, he’ll have a professor that does his job extremely well and will leave feeling educated and fulfilled. Nevertheless, there is the likely possibility that the class will be taught by an inept grad student or disillusioned professor. In these classes one of three things happens:

1.) The professor has totally lost track of what it was like before he knew all the ins and outs of quantum mechanics. He’ll teach our fine President in incomprehensible terms at warp speed, never checking to see if the entire class is lost. The class average is a 60, but with the curve, everyone will leave with A’s and B’s. No one has learned anything in the course of a semester, but Professor X doesn’t care. He’s too busy working on that $500,000 grant application. (I had a professor tell me this once, in all seriousness.)

2.) This is a very common case. Professor X has tenure and a degree awarded decades ago, without any further education. He has no attendance policy, requires no homework, and gives tests as old and predictable as your grandmother’s 20-year-old cat. Everyone makes wonderful exam scores, but still leave without learning anything.

3.) In this scenario, President Gilley gets a graduate teaching assistant. This wonderful person either a.) knows nothing or b.) knows nothing and thinks that he knows everything. He uses the class as research subjects for his dissertation, cancels class once a week, and gives impossible exams on material never covered in class. In fact, he’s so busy that he doesn’t answer anyone’s emails nor is he ever in his office hours. Even if he were, his office is in South Stadium Hall and his hours are during the President’s classes.