Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Thoughts on Life and Church
I've been wrestling with how I can be both in ministry and a psychologist. I don't have a problem seeing how the two fit together, but convincing most churches otherwise can be really difficult. So, I set up a meeting with our teaching pastor at church. He was a marriage and family therapist for ten years before becoming the teaching pastor at our church. We chatted on Friday, and I thought that I'd share some of what we talked about. I hope that you all have some thoughts to share on what I say, as well. Of course, lately not many people have been around, so I'm either really f'ing boring (a real possibility) or my novelty has worn off, or people and their lives are as busy as mine.
*Consumerism is one of the most dangerous threats to the Church.* It was great to hear this from the pastor's mouth. It's not our job to create a better product, a better service, or to even keep you happy. It's our job as a leadership team to preach Truth, and if that draws people great, and if it doesn't okay. But Truth ultimately draws people who are looking for it.
*Churches that are inwardly focused are disgusting.* By inwardly focused, I mean offer ministries that only serve members and do not minister to the community as a while. I wrote my ugrad thesis about this. Some churches are all about serving themselves and the needs of its priveleged members. Instead, churches should be outwardly focused, looking to meet the needs of the community around them, to minister to suffering and to help the underserved and "least of these" thrive. Pastor said,"If people think we end up looking like a social gospel church, who cares. God knows who we are, and we know who we are in Christ. People who know us will know we are more than that."
Also, on this point, it was said that mega churches are disgusting because they just showcase the inward focus of small churches on a large scale. The magnification of self service might make us sick, but its the same sin that is present in countless other bodies of believers on a smaller scale.
*After the Gospel, anything goes.* Okay, some of you just passed out. Once you come to, let's talk about what this really means. You would think a church (according to many of my Christian friends) that supports such a theology would be overrun with relativism, homosexuals ;), and sin, right? Well, uh, no. Just those other issues that we may disagree on aren't worth splitting over. If we're going to be the body, let's be the body of Christ. And part of the Gospel is seeking justice, having support and recovery ministries, on and on. The Gospel is so pervasive, that if you seek to follow it alone, (a high calling) it will infiltrate all you do as believers.
*Post-Evangelical* What does this word mean? I want to know, and I need to do some reading.
*Consumerism is one of the most dangerous threats to the Church.* It was great to hear this from the pastor's mouth. It's not our job to create a better product, a better service, or to even keep you happy. It's our job as a leadership team to preach Truth, and if that draws people great, and if it doesn't okay. But Truth ultimately draws people who are looking for it.
*Churches that are inwardly focused are disgusting.* By inwardly focused, I mean offer ministries that only serve members and do not minister to the community as a while. I wrote my ugrad thesis about this. Some churches are all about serving themselves and the needs of its priveleged members. Instead, churches should be outwardly focused, looking to meet the needs of the community around them, to minister to suffering and to help the underserved and "least of these" thrive. Pastor said,"If people think we end up looking like a social gospel church, who cares. God knows who we are, and we know who we are in Christ. People who know us will know we are more than that."
Also, on this point, it was said that mega churches are disgusting because they just showcase the inward focus of small churches on a large scale. The magnification of self service might make us sick, but its the same sin that is present in countless other bodies of believers on a smaller scale.
*After the Gospel, anything goes.* Okay, some of you just passed out. Once you come to, let's talk about what this really means. You would think a church (according to many of my Christian friends) that supports such a theology would be overrun with relativism, homosexuals ;), and sin, right? Well, uh, no. Just those other issues that we may disagree on aren't worth splitting over. If we're going to be the body, let's be the body of Christ. And part of the Gospel is seeking justice, having support and recovery ministries, on and on. The Gospel is so pervasive, that if you seek to follow it alone, (a high calling) it will infiltrate all you do as believers.
*Post-Evangelical* What does this word mean? I want to know, and I need to do some reading.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Random Fun Making at the World
The absolutely most hilarious thing that I've seen in a long time is this adorable commercial of a little boy.
Also funny is this take on what it would be like if Jesus spoke at a Republican Party Fund Raiser.
And, as I'm reading Nick Hornby's A Long Way Down about four people who run into each other on top of a building in London on New Year's Eve each with the intention to commit suicide, I thought I'd share a quote that I liked from it:
Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?
Also funny is this take on what it would be like if Jesus spoke at a Republican Party Fund Raiser.
And, as I'm reading Nick Hornby's A Long Way Down about four people who run into each other on top of a building in London on New Year's Eve each with the intention to commit suicide, I thought I'd share a quote that I liked from it:
How do people, like, not curse? How is it possible? There are all these gaps in speech where you just have to put a "fuck." I'll tell you who the most admirable people in the world are: newscasters. If that was me, I'd be like, "And the motherfuckers flew the fucking plane right into the Twin Towers." How could you not, if you're a human being? Maybe they're not so admirable. Maybe they're robot zombies.
Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Southern Hospitality
Well, my mother doesn't read this, but if she did then she might see how some of the ideas that she put in her daughther's head might not be the healthiest in the world. I grew up in rural East Tennessee. It's a culture that places its women in a double bind. I was taught to be competent and not need men. I needed to fix my car, make straight A's, and be sure of myself. But I was also taught to be soft spoken and demure, play coy, and always be polite. Never insult a man's ego. Never expect too much emotional support from men. Never demand anything that you need. Just so you know, trying to be all of these things will make you insane.
Also consider that my mother grew up in a strong single mother family with two sisters and one brother, with a father that abandoned her family when she was two years old. My father had an authoritarian dad whose family caters to his every whim in such a subservient way that there is rarely conflict. So, the parenting messages were all sorts of muddled sometimes.
Another thing that my mother never does is send forwards. You know, those pithy, annoying emails that someone found amusing and thought that everyone including your second cousin should read. So, I found it INCREDIBLY interesting that my mother sent me a forward today. My interest was piqued.
Now, I know not to open emails with the title "Southern Women." But hope springs eternal, and I thought maybe the entire world had flip flopped, my mother had caught on to my anger about being shoved into a box that didn't quite fit all my life, and would preface such an email with something like "Look at this driveling pile of poop." But, no such luck, my mom sent the following as an actual serious forward.
Now, I have to take some responsibility for this. I'm not quite adult enough to call my mom and tell her just how much this email hurts me, considering all the work I"m doing in therapy on the fact that I don't feel enough like a woman. My mother, a strong woman who is in the ministry, who thinks women are equipped to minister as much as men, who would fight to her dying day to be treated as an equal, subjects herself to such latent discrimination and it hurts me.
I've talked before about how my mother told me that she was basically disappointed in my pereceived level of feminity. This is interesting to me from the same mother who put me in Tball at the age of 4, who enrolled me in dance classes, told me I could do anything, and she literally fought city hall for equal wages for women at one point when I was child.
So, maybe I'm a snivelling ungrateful baby. My parents are happily married for 30 years, they were there for every game and award banquet, they taught me to love Christ and others, they never participated in manifest sexism, and they did not hold me back even when it scared them where I was flying.
But, it does hurt. And it makes me angry. GRRRRR.
Also consider that my mother grew up in a strong single mother family with two sisters and one brother, with a father that abandoned her family when she was two years old. My father had an authoritarian dad whose family caters to his every whim in such a subservient way that there is rarely conflict. So, the parenting messages were all sorts of muddled sometimes.
Another thing that my mother never does is send forwards. You know, those pithy, annoying emails that someone found amusing and thought that everyone including your second cousin should read. So, I found it INCREDIBLY interesting that my mother sent me a forward today. My interest was piqued.
Now, I know not to open emails with the title "Southern Women." But hope springs eternal, and I thought maybe the entire world had flip flopped, my mother had caught on to my anger about being shoved into a box that didn't quite fit all my life, and would preface such an email with something like "Look at this driveling pile of poop." But, no such luck, my mom sent the following as an actual serious forward.
Southern Women:
Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your little heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"
Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity
Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The beach
The beach
Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Summer tans
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football
Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Charleston (Chawl'stn)
Savannah (S'vanah)
New Orleans (N'awlins)
Atlanta (Addlanna)
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
(maybe we should add Wal-Mart)
Southern girls know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!
Now...... Shugah, send this to some friends who
were raised in the South or wish they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little
heart... fake it. We know you got here as fast as you
could.....!!!
Now, I have to take some responsibility for this. I'm not quite adult enough to call my mom and tell her just how much this email hurts me, considering all the work I"m doing in therapy on the fact that I don't feel enough like a woman. My mother, a strong woman who is in the ministry, who thinks women are equipped to minister as much as men, who would fight to her dying day to be treated as an equal, subjects herself to such latent discrimination and it hurts me.
I've talked before about how my mother told me that she was basically disappointed in my pereceived level of feminity. This is interesting to me from the same mother who put me in Tball at the age of 4, who enrolled me in dance classes, told me I could do anything, and she literally fought city hall for equal wages for women at one point when I was child.
So, maybe I'm a snivelling ungrateful baby. My parents are happily married for 30 years, they were there for every game and award banquet, they taught me to love Christ and others, they never participated in manifest sexism, and they did not hold me back even when it scared them where I was flying.
But, it does hurt. And it makes me angry. GRRRRR.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Guess who's tagged, tagged again...
Hey! I'm back. I'll give you all crazy wonderful posts about my thoughts, some positive and some not, about the AACC world conference in Nashville and the people that I met there. Also coming up: the rocky dispute that might well defend the claim that single Christians can be frigid weirdos afraid of sexuality and reality...
But, on a lighter note,Zalm tagged me and validated my existence. So stay tuned for a brief and bizarre ride into my past and present...
10 Years Ago:
Living in Tennessee, in the same house I had always lived in. I was 15 and a sophomore in High School. I was dating an alto sax playing band geek who I actually should never have dated because he was headed for an entirely different future than I could ever imagine for myself. I was crushing on a skater arty/farty guy in my geometry class that I eventually dated for over a year, and who actually reminds me a lot of my husband, but this guy later broke my heart. I still thought the world was black and white, and so was my faith. The biggest drama in my life was my decision to quit the basketball team because of the asshole coach and not getting caught while making out. I do remember around this time was Homecoming, and I snuck back to the football stadium with my boyfriend (the band geek) to make out.
5 Years Ago:
I had met my *now* husband four months previously. We were pretty serious and already talking marriage. I was 20 years old and a junior in college. I got accepted into my interdisciplinary degree program. I was taking Sociology classes and working on my thesis. I thought I would become a youth minister. I read my first Francis Schaeffer book. I was in a class with an asshole professor who harangued me because I was a Bush supporter. I was taking a class that would change my life, Technology, Society, and the Common Good. And my women's flag football team won the championship with me as quarterback. Oh, and my team beat Philip Fulmer's daughters' football team in the process. After he saw me run the reverse at that game, he ran it next game. I can't prove it, but I swear he stole my play.
1 Year Ago:
Married two years and living in Illinois, I was at the beginning of my second year of my Master's program. I would soon learn that the license I wanted had been discontinued, and I would have to decide whether to get my doctorate. I was dealing with who I wanted to support in the election (I ultimately chose Kerry). I began walking the wire between my conservative family and not so conservative husband. I began to realize that I might actually need to go to therapy to provide it to others well. I found out I was going to Europe with Kevin and on a mission trip. Kevin would be full time at his job. I would soon start three jobs (that's too many). My life and life's outlook were under scrutiny and and in flux. They still are.
Yesterday:
I was in Nashville and finally reunited with Kevin after two weeks of being apart. We were visiting with the best man from our wedding, his girlfriend and roommate, and two of my colleagues who were at the conference with me. We started off with dessert at midnight at the Sunset Grille. It was one of my colleague's birthdays. We didn't get in until 2am. I dropped off my colleagues, and then ditched the last morning of the conference to spend time with Kevin and said friend/best man from the night before. Returned to have lunch with the rest of my colleagues and a couple of our profs who were at the conference. Drove colleagues to the airport and returned rental car. Then rode with Kevin back to Illinois. Had crazy "haven't seen you in two weeks" sex with him. :)
5 Snacks I Enjoy:
Pita Chips and Hummus, Gummi Bears, Flattened Bananas from Trader Joe's, Dried Apple Rings, Veggies and Ranch Dip.
5 Songs I Know All the Words To:
By Derek Webb: Wedding Dress, I repent, and Beloved. Bitch by Meredith Brooks, Pink by Aerosmith
5 Things I’d Do with 100 Million Dollars:
Give a lot away, Pay off my school loans, Put some aside to start my own free community center and clinic, Buy a house, Go back to Europe.
5 Places I’d Run Away To:
Smoky Mountains; All of Europe (especially Italy, Fussen,Germany, and Krakow); California (never been); Oregon (never been); Canada (never been)
5 Things I’d Never Wear:
Cliched Christian Tshirts, Anything that shows my midriff, a bikini, thong underwear, and low ride jeans that show my underwear.
5 Favorite TV Shows:
Well, I'll stick to ones currently running on Television:
Family Guy
Amazing Race
Desperate Houswives
Grey's Anatomy
House
5 Biggest Joys:
Spending time with my husband, bike rides on sunny days, knowing myself better, travelling to cool places, and working with my teenage girl clients.
5 Favorite Toys:
Settlers of Catan, My Awesome Flat Screen Monitor and Computer, My Dell Axim, My bicycle, and my kitty cats.
5 Fine Folks Who Can Now Consider Themselves Tagged:
Kevin, Insane Preschool Mom, Myste, Stephanie, and Meg
But, on a lighter note,Zalm tagged me and validated my existence. So stay tuned for a brief and bizarre ride into my past and present...
10 Years Ago:
Living in Tennessee, in the same house I had always lived in. I was 15 and a sophomore in High School. I was dating an alto sax playing band geek who I actually should never have dated because he was headed for an entirely different future than I could ever imagine for myself. I was crushing on a skater arty/farty guy in my geometry class that I eventually dated for over a year, and who actually reminds me a lot of my husband, but this guy later broke my heart. I still thought the world was black and white, and so was my faith. The biggest drama in my life was my decision to quit the basketball team because of the asshole coach and not getting caught while making out. I do remember around this time was Homecoming, and I snuck back to the football stadium with my boyfriend (the band geek) to make out.
5 Years Ago:
I had met my *now* husband four months previously. We were pretty serious and already talking marriage. I was 20 years old and a junior in college. I got accepted into my interdisciplinary degree program. I was taking Sociology classes and working on my thesis. I thought I would become a youth minister. I read my first Francis Schaeffer book. I was in a class with an asshole professor who harangued me because I was a Bush supporter. I was taking a class that would change my life, Technology, Society, and the Common Good. And my women's flag football team won the championship with me as quarterback. Oh, and my team beat Philip Fulmer's daughters' football team in the process. After he saw me run the reverse at that game, he ran it next game. I can't prove it, but I swear he stole my play.
1 Year Ago:
Married two years and living in Illinois, I was at the beginning of my second year of my Master's program. I would soon learn that the license I wanted had been discontinued, and I would have to decide whether to get my doctorate. I was dealing with who I wanted to support in the election (I ultimately chose Kerry). I began walking the wire between my conservative family and not so conservative husband. I began to realize that I might actually need to go to therapy to provide it to others well. I found out I was going to Europe with Kevin and on a mission trip. Kevin would be full time at his job. I would soon start three jobs (that's too many). My life and life's outlook were under scrutiny and and in flux. They still are.
Yesterday:
I was in Nashville and finally reunited with Kevin after two weeks of being apart. We were visiting with the best man from our wedding, his girlfriend and roommate, and two of my colleagues who were at the conference with me. We started off with dessert at midnight at the Sunset Grille. It was one of my colleague's birthdays. We didn't get in until 2am. I dropped off my colleagues, and then ditched the last morning of the conference to spend time with Kevin and said friend/best man from the night before. Returned to have lunch with the rest of my colleagues and a couple of our profs who were at the conference. Drove colleagues to the airport and returned rental car. Then rode with Kevin back to Illinois. Had crazy "haven't seen you in two weeks" sex with him. :)
5 Snacks I Enjoy:
Pita Chips and Hummus, Gummi Bears, Flattened Bananas from Trader Joe's, Dried Apple Rings, Veggies and Ranch Dip.
5 Songs I Know All the Words To:
By Derek Webb: Wedding Dress, I repent, and Beloved. Bitch by Meredith Brooks, Pink by Aerosmith
5 Things I’d Do with 100 Million Dollars:
Give a lot away, Pay off my school loans, Put some aside to start my own free community center and clinic, Buy a house, Go back to Europe.
5 Places I’d Run Away To:
Smoky Mountains; All of Europe (especially Italy, Fussen,Germany, and Krakow); California (never been); Oregon (never been); Canada (never been)
5 Things I’d Never Wear:
Cliched Christian Tshirts, Anything that shows my midriff, a bikini, thong underwear, and low ride jeans that show my underwear.
5 Favorite TV Shows:
Well, I'll stick to ones currently running on Television:
Family Guy
Amazing Race
Desperate Houswives
Grey's Anatomy
House
5 Biggest Joys:
Spending time with my husband, bike rides on sunny days, knowing myself better, travelling to cool places, and working with my teenage girl clients.
5 Favorite Toys:
Settlers of Catan, My Awesome Flat Screen Monitor and Computer, My Dell Axim, My bicycle, and my kitty cats.
5 Fine Folks Who Can Now Consider Themselves Tagged:
Kevin, Insane Preschool Mom, Myste, Stephanie, and Meg
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