The Return of the Prodigal Son

Ladies and gents, time for the latest installment of Nicole's spirituality class essays. This one is on Henri Nouwen's The Return of the Prodigal Son.

My personal response to Henri Nouwen’s The Return of the Prodigal Son, is one of agreement, but also one of questioning. I find Nouwen’s work to be incredibly challenging and honest on an individual level. However, I also feel that the wonderful insights offered into the Christian life by this book could be further extrapolated in order to explore the societal implications of practicing the grace of the Father.

Nouwen calls attention to a model of relationship in a Biblical manner that resonates deeply with me. All three subjects, the prodigal, the father, and the elder son, reveal much about grace, love, and relationship. God is a God of lost things: lost coins, lost sheep, and lost sons. For the past two years, the Holy Spirit has been at work in my own life reiterating my need to believe the Gospel and accept that God does in fact accept me. He revels in me. He throws a party every time that I come home, and unfortunately, I have been lost many times.

The struggle for acceptance discussed in The Return of the Prodigal Son seems to only be possible by someone who has struggled deeply and difficultly with trying to actually affect such openness in his own relationships. However, the respect and gentleness with which he treats the subject suggests that he has perhaps failed at times, been hurt deeply at times, and respects the frailty of human bonds. Therefore, through a very painful process Nouwen reflects that he has come to know that only God can offer the unconditional regard that we all deeply long for.

Knowing Nouwen’s background in psychology, I am not surprised at the prominence of his respect for the wounds of people. In my own short experience in sitting across from people in their pain and suffering, the deepest respect for woundedness is integral to getting past the pain and moving toward growth, to running back to the Father. Acknowledging the deepest pains of others is intimidating for many. I have found it to be especially so for many parents whose children undertake this journey. They find it accusatory, and in response, some reject the legitimacy of the pain of their response of unconditional love. Even Nouwen’s detailed concern for Rembrandt, the artist, and his intentions for the painting and the context of his life, reflects a model focused on a deep concern for people.

My one criticism of Nouwen’s work is that it still is inherently one of individualistic nature. The book is concerned with the act of the individual, the journey of the individual, and the grace experienced by the individual. I ponder at how entire Christian communities can act as a whole to counteract the vitriol and poison spewed in our own communities at a systemic level in addition to the individual level discussed in the book. I feel the father of the parable is more active than Nouwen presents. He, too, is searching for his son. He is looking on the horizon and sees him far off and comes running to the prodigal, a fact Nouwen fails to address.

After much thought and time in solitude, I have meditated how I reflect each member of this parable. First, and foremost, I have spent much of my time in life as the elder son. I came to faith at an early age, in a Christian family. I spent the majority, then of the past 25 years “at home…but I have not yet lived a free life in my Father’s house.” I was resentful of others and their turning from the faith. I sought to exclude my peers for their “sin” of turning from the faith. I get jealous when I am not the center of attention. When accolades do not come my way, despite hard and faithful service, I find myself not enjoying the bounty of having always been in the Father’s presence and having all that is His.

Most recently, God has been calling me to his acceptance, away from the fundamentalism and legalism of my past. He has been calling me to address institutional and societal structures and to minister to the marginalized of society. But my contempt has shifted to those who do no share my beliefs. I become conceited and haughty with my growth. I foist it upon others who do not yet see these aspects of faith, mainly because I feel rejected and not accepted in Christ, and thus need the acceptance of others.

The idea of being the prodigal is new to me. I always saw myself as the faithful elder son, and often times thought he had a right to his feelings. However, as I grow in my assurance that God loves me, accepts me…I find myself down on my knees with increasing regularity. I find that I am lost when I never knew that I left. I am so ignorantly called away by “lovers less wild” that I find myself settling for empty physical gratification rather than the love of the Father. I see that I have strayed in ways that I never knew were going away from God, because I never stopped to ask. So, I am most like the prodigal on his way home, but not there yet. I am practicing my speech in my head of what I am going to say to my Father when I get there…and I’m still growing toward a continual knowing that God will run out to greet me, if I only come.

Finally, I seem to only be like the father when I am sitting in the therapy room with my clients. In there, I find it easier to dispense grace and acceptance. I want to bring this huge heart of mine into the world, to my family and friends. But that is dangerous and scary. So I keep my huge heart protected behind the guise of professionalism, which helps many in my office. However, I rarely expose it to others in my life, and I am feeling God’s tug to correct that. As I grow toward knowing the acceptance of the prodigal, I feel I will be freer to be like the father. The two are inextricably connected.

Over the past two years, the music of Derek Webb has really been used by God to minister in my life. I feel that there are three songs that reveal the three different parts of the parable, the prodigal, the elder son, and the father. The lyrics of each song and who they represent say more than I could say in volumes. But it wasn’t until this week that I realized that these songs which have ministered in my life for two years centered on the story of the prodigal. Sure, these songs spoke to me on a deep level that I did not quite understand, but before I could put words, scripture, or God’s hand on the work in my life, I felt something deep and important.


Beloved (The Father)
beloved these are dangerous times
because you are weightless like a leaf from the vine
and the wind has blown you all over town
because there is nothing holding you to the ground
so now you would rather be
a slave again than free from the law
(chorus)
beloved listen to me
don’t believe all that you see
and don’t you ever let anyone tell you
that there’s anything that you need
but me
beloved these are perilous days
when your culture is so set in it’s ways
that you will listen to salesmen and thieves
preaching other than the truth you’ve received
because they are telling lies
for they cannot circumcise your hearts
(chorus)
beloved there is nothing more
no more blessings and no more rewards
than the treasure of my body and blood
given freely to all daughters and sons


Wedding Dress (The Prodigal)

if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all I’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for

and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want
(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
(chorus)
because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife

I Repent (The Elder Son)

I repent of my pursuit of America's dream
i repent of living like i deserve anything
my house, my fence, my kids, and my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent of parading my liberty
i repent of paying for what i get for free
the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
wearin righteousness like a disguise to see through the planks in my own eyes

i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
of caring more of what they think than what i know of what they need
and domesticating You until You look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent