What's wrong with your church?

Since coming to graduate school, I find myself asking this question more often. I've been more than just a little disillusioned with the fact that some very basic theological concepts, the corpus of church history, and other important aspects of the Christian faith were never introduced to me, though I grew up in the Church, with dedicated and faithful Christian parents. I wonder what exactly the goal of our churches, congregations, and church based ministry is if it's not to teach about theology, church history, and how to encounter God in ways that challenge people toward growth.

I sometimes wonder if I'll ever again sit in a church service without a somewhat critical eye. I'm that annoying person behind you who won't sing the lines of the song that have poor theological implications. I'm one of those who leaves angry when we have an entire service on the dark night of the soul, silence, and despair without a single time of silence in the actual service. I am the one that is just a little bit suspicious when the pastor is ALWAYS happy EVERY Sunday. It's the same suspicion I have in life or in the therapy room when someone always has it all together. That's just not reality. How authentic is that?

However, I don't feel cynical. I love the church that we attend these days. I am hopeful for the Church, and I don't want to be estranged from the body in that way ever again. I've encountered a preponderance of Christians who are uncomfortable with questioning, doubt, and turning a critical eye to our human manifestations of church, religion, and faith here on Earth. It's as if questioning who we are and contemplating the flaws of our attempts at being the Church are questioning God, questioning God's perfection or holiness. That's just not the case. In fact, failing to acknowledge and embrace our weaknesses and shortcomings leads to an unhealthy neurotic and narcissistic idealism that leaves us leaning on our own understanding and strength rather that our imperfection leading us to seek God more.

I'm convinced that we all do need to ask "What's wrong with my church?" It's not about criticism. It's not about tearing others down. It's about discernment. It's about an open forum so that disappointments do not turn into seething anger and contempt for the Church or a church. And the response we need to give when we're on the receiving end of suggestion, is not defensiveness. Nor is constructive criticism to turn into merely criticism or our only way of relating to others. There are always naysayers. If you're always the nay sayer, well, then it's a problem.

So, I am asking, what's wrong with your church? Not, "What do you not like?" But what is wrong theologially? What have you or another been hurt by? What's the institutional sin of your church?

Lately, what's been on my mind about the church we attend (and other worship gatherings I've been to lately) is the music. The music which we sing lately has taken on an unbalanced slant toward almost gnostic understandings of spirituality. Gnosticism devalues the physical and earthly world in favor of honoring the spiritual world as better than the physical one. The specific things that seemed especially problematic today were "Cause nothing on this earth is as beautiful as you" and, this one I can't remember exactly, but it was along the lines of "Jesus is like no one else on earth." I thought that the entire point is that Jesus was 100% "like" us, while also being 100% God. But, it's clear that both of these songs have a bit of bad theology going on. Hey, and it's just not contemporary praise songs, but classic hymns as well. Away In a Manger is one of the worst, with its devaluing of the human nature of Jesus.

So, is this a phase? Will my apophatic nature wane when graduate school is over? How do we deal with such frustrations and disappointments and still maintain relationship and love? I'd love to hear your thoughts.