Oh, I wish...

My husband tagged me in this little game. Basically I’m supposed to pick five professions from the list below and finish the sentence. I purposely did not choose psychologist, because I am one..or play one at my internship. I decided to add UPS driver to the list. My dad has been one for almost 30 years, and thinks his job isn't interesting. But think of all the packages...

If I could be a scientist…
If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician…
If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter…
If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary…
If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect…
If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist…
If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete…
If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an inn-keeper…
If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer…
If I could be a llama-rider…
If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be an astronaut…
If I could be a world famous blogger…
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world…
If I could be married to any current famous political figure…
If I could be a service member…
If I could be a photographer…
If I could be a philanthropist…
If I could be a rap artist…
If I could be a child actor…
If I could be a secret agent…
If I could be a comedian/comedienne…
If I could be a priest…
If I could be a radio announcer…
If I could be a phlebotomist…
If I could be Paris Hilton’s stylist…
If I could be the CEO of Microsoft…
If I could be a movie producer…
If I could be a laser hair removal specialist…
If I could be a dog groomer…
If I could be a bicycle repairman…
If I could be a Lumberjack…
If I could be chauffer for Michael W. Smith…
If I could be a Head Football Coach…
If I could be an insurance adjuster…
If I could be funeral home director…
If I could be a bus driver…
If I could be me…
If I could be Secretary of State…
If I could be an assassin…
If I could be a whore…
If I could be a game developer…
If I could be a vampire slayer…
If I could be a nerf herder…
If I could be a UPS driver...


Anyways, here goes:

If I could be a Head Football Coach…then I'd be damn good, cause those good ol' boys would only let a woman in if she whupped 'em good. I'd also scratch myself, spit, curse, and get a pot belly from eating stadium hotdogs.

If I could be a llama-rider…I'd train my llama to spit on the following people: G.W. supporters, bad parents, fundamentalist anything,people who ban books, my cats (for fun), and maybe my husband when he doesn't do the dishes.

If I could be a whore…I wouldn't have to be in school. I already have my degree in sex, and more years experience than I wish I had.

If I could be a game developer…I would develop games for all the people like me who do not care for games, who cannot seem to function in increasingly 3D graphic environments. I'd start the Paperboy for SNES renaissance. The best game ever!!

If I could be an architect…I would design sustainable housing with timers that cut the hot water off if you take too long, actual space for recycling bins in a two bedroom apartment, and an out of the way place for the cat poopy box, which would clean itself.

I don't have anyone to tag :(. All my blogger buddies have already done this. So, I TAG THE NEXT THREE PEOPLE TO VISIT. (Who either haven't done this already, or who want to do it again.)

If you want to find me....

Then come to Sopron, Hungary. Then Vienna, Venice, Munich, Prague, Krakow, London, and Chicago (where I live). See ya'll in a month.

Yay! Southwest!

And another thing...

I'm just in blogging mode today. I guess it's because I actually have a little bit of free time on my hands. This means I have more time to actually think about life and not just drudge from one activity to another, like I must do when school is in session.

Every father should take their 14+ year old daughter to see The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. I wish that I could make all the absent fathers in the lives of the teenage girls that I counsel watch that movie with their daughters. If for one second, those fathers could get a glimpse of the pain their daughters carry. I have seen heaving sobs and questions of "What must be wrong with me?" and "Why doesn't he want me?"

What is wrong with this world?

How to teach our children not to think...

You know, when I was in high school always knew that my principal was a on a bit of a power trip. Unfortunately, back then I worked for the machine. (I was the valedictorian, varsity softball captain, etc. Yeah, I was that annoying kid.) I wish that I had dyed my hair blue, like I always wanted to. But, I expressed myself by dating guys who questioned the rules instead. But, I digress. Go check out the dress code at my former high school. It's ridiculous. I don't think that I have any clothes that would match these guidelines. Well, not that I wear very often. My husband doesn't either.

It makes me want to get a job there and then sue them for firing me when I dye my hair blue. It goes to show that in most high schools, we're teaching our kids not to think. I'm all for safety, but what does having an eyebrow piercing have to do with safety? Who cares if a kid's hair is pink and in a mohawk. Let's all look alike so that we call all unquestioningly do what G.W. asks. Because the principal does, I'm sure.

Random Fun Making at the World

 

If I were to make one of those obnoxious ribbons, this would be it. Funny thing is, a lot of people would want one for all the WRONG reasons.

Also, go watch this video, which was originally shown March 1998 on Saturday Night Live. It was pulled from the reruns. I wonder why.

The Marriage of the Traveling Pants

My husband just happens to be a saint on odd occasions. My birthday is Wednesday, but on that day we'll be leaving to do some Christian volunteer work for the nonprofit where my husband works. Needless to say, we won't be doing any celebrating on THAT day. So he graciously agreed to take me to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants this evening. I've read the books, and I love them! To be honest, I never would have read them, but a school system back where I'm from decided to ban the first book. That meant I HAD to read it. So, I love the books and wanted to see the movie. My husband offered to go, only because it's my birthday and he wanted to avoid doing housework. ;) (And Rolling Stone gave it a good review...)


I applaud him for even staying in the theatre, being the only male under the age of 50 among a gaggle of teeny bopper girls. Below is the actual conversation we had follwoing the movie:

Husband: So, did you like the movie as much as the books?

Me: Well, books are always better, but they did a darn good job for a movie.

H: Do we own those books?

M: The third one I just bought, but I checked the other two out from the library?

H: Hmm

M (Shocked): You want to read the books! That's so funny. But cute.

H: Can we go to Target and get them tonight?

M: Sure..oh, man. I have to blog about this.

H: Uh uh, no way.

M: Well, can I least say that you liked the movie?

H: Okay, but don't tell anyone about the books. I mean it.

M: Why? Are you ashamed of it? I'm proud,"My husband likes the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." That's something to brag about.

H: Like I said, don't tell anyone about the books.



He's so cute!!

What Kind of Reader Am I?

I finally have to hop on the reader bandwagon. I am a smorgasboard reader. Grad school made me that way. I may be reading 5 or 6 books, magazines, etc. at once. Typos and misspellings drive me crazy. If it's really bad, I'm not above quitting a book and never returning. If it's a great book, I'm not above reading it a few times every year. I'm not too proud to put a few great books on my shelves that I'll never read, just for my image.

I devour fiction and other for fun reading very quickly. I can read several hundred pages in a couple hours. If I start a series and I like it, I compulsively read all the books in the series in about a week and then spend a year cursing that the next one isn't out yet. I've been known to start reading a book on the toilet and an hour later realize, "Oh yeah, I'm sitting on the toilet." I've been late for class a couple times because of that.

If it's reading for school, I barely do it. The grad school skim is my trademark. I miss a lot of really great thinking and writing because I can b.s. my way through papers on books I never read. I think the academic world revolves around such shallow scholarship, and I perpetuate it. I hate graphic novels, except maybe Maus. Too much effort to look at all those pictures. Besides, I like my own made up images better than the ones any artist can draw.

As I'm writing this, I guess I'm realizing I'm quite narcissitic in my reading style. It's all about me. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time reading the Bible.

I enjoy sociopolitical nonfiction almost as much as fiction. My favorite fiction is young adult. Sometimes I think I'm stuck in adolescence. I like sexy lusty trashy novels. I used to steal my mom's Harlequin romances when I was like, 9.

I exist mostly sleep deprived because at midnight I think, just one more chapter...then one more..then, I'm almost done...then, holy moly it's 3am and the alarm goes off at 6. I've been known to cheat and find out the ending of a novel by reading the last few pages, but I don't do that so much anymore. As I get older, I appreciate the mystery a little more.

Oh, and my husband knows his and MY library card number by heart...and I think that's sexy.