Tuesday, September 27, 2005
The honorable one...
To whomever Googled the exact phrase, "Journeys In Insanity." You made my me smile that someone actually thought to Google my blog. If you did it on accident, looking for something else, don't tell me. It's bad week and it's only Monday.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
This week in community psychology...
This week’s readings on the Christian rationale for community and preventive psychology make a strong case for the utilization of such approaches not only by psychology professionals, but also by all members of Christian faith communities. As discussed by Wolterstorff in Until Justice and Peace Embrace, Christians are called to “uncover systemic causes of poverty and then work at eliminating those causes.” Pohl’s concept of Christians extending hospitality to the disenfranchised is key to achieving such revolutionary systemic change as suggested by Wolterstorff. However, understanding faith and allowing the church a central place in community interventions is valuable to all psychologists, not only those of faith. Kloos & Moore make a strong defense of the centrality of faith communities of all types in the social fabric of life and subsequently, the acknowledgement of such communities as legitimate arenas for psychological intervention.
Christians practicing in the field of psychology must answer the call for hospitality to the disenfranchised in order to return psychology to its roots of service. For such an endeavor to be undertaken, it must permeate all domains of practice for the psychologist of faith. Incorporating the suggestions put forth by Canning, Pozzi, McNeil, & McMinn for integrative training requires a thorough examination of the training philosophies, faculty, practicum experiences and course work of psychology programs. Moreover, this dedication to the “least of these” needs to also be reflected in the research and publications of Christians in psychology as recommended by Canning, Case, & Kruse.
The community perspective and focus on social justice within these articles evokes a strong supportive response from me. Ever since my undergraduate studies in sociology, I feel have been searching for the thread that unites all of these ideas, and feel some relief at having found it. Just this morning at church, I felt an undeniable stirring of the Holy Spirit within me to re-vision psychology and my own call to ministry. However, rather than abandon my training, I feel it is my calling to utilize psychology in a manner within the Church that champions God’s call to social justice and peace. Oddly enough, the words of Kloos & Moore, legitimizing the Church as a venue for psychological intervention, are what I needed to hear the most. For the past several years I had dismissed working professionally with churches because congregations that I had been a part of were not amenable to such radical ideas as social justice and ministering to the least of these.
Since coming to Wheaton College, and joining Community Christian Church in Naperville, God has placed key exemplars in my life whose motivations for justice and peace are inextricably tied to their faith in Christ. Having seen such integration in practice, the ideas of hospitality as subversive or the support for transforming the systemic causes of poverty, add a conceptual framework that helps to hem in the experiences, emotions, and the work of God in my own life for the past few years.
Thinking back to the first time that I watched The Color of Fear or stood on the football field in Diversity class seeing all my classmates of color behind me, I did not quite know what to do with the feelings of fear, anger, and guilt that I felt. I remember distinctly the triangle Derek drew on the board with each of those emotions at an apex. In light of today’s readings and that knowledge, it becomes clear that one of my callings as a Christian psychologist is to move my brothers and sisters in Christ away from the corners of fear, anger, and guilt toward communities that hold all of those emotions in tension by offering hospitality to the least of these. Moreover, I feel called to facilitate making a place for different people groups to learn from one another via reciprocity in our faith communities. As said by Pohl, we are to “move away from a charity model that reinforces ‘the donor’s distance and the recipients’ dependency.’” However, I want not to relegate justice to the state, or else we lose the crux of justice and peace, which is community and relationship with one another.
Specific, concrete ideas for how I can work in a ministry setting and convey these ideas is elusive to me at this point. For me, I know that it involves ministering to children and adolescents using my psychology training and conveying the ideas about peace and justice, hospitality, and the like to them. I am drawn back to last week’s reading by Durlak and Wells discussing the effectiveness of prevention. This uncertainty is what keeps me searching for God and in prayer, because I have few answers.
Christians practicing in the field of psychology must answer the call for hospitality to the disenfranchised in order to return psychology to its roots of service. For such an endeavor to be undertaken, it must permeate all domains of practice for the psychologist of faith. Incorporating the suggestions put forth by Canning, Pozzi, McNeil, & McMinn for integrative training requires a thorough examination of the training philosophies, faculty, practicum experiences and course work of psychology programs. Moreover, this dedication to the “least of these” needs to also be reflected in the research and publications of Christians in psychology as recommended by Canning, Case, & Kruse.
The community perspective and focus on social justice within these articles evokes a strong supportive response from me. Ever since my undergraduate studies in sociology, I feel have been searching for the thread that unites all of these ideas, and feel some relief at having found it. Just this morning at church, I felt an undeniable stirring of the Holy Spirit within me to re-vision psychology and my own call to ministry. However, rather than abandon my training, I feel it is my calling to utilize psychology in a manner within the Church that champions God’s call to social justice and peace. Oddly enough, the words of Kloos & Moore, legitimizing the Church as a venue for psychological intervention, are what I needed to hear the most. For the past several years I had dismissed working professionally with churches because congregations that I had been a part of were not amenable to such radical ideas as social justice and ministering to the least of these.
Since coming to Wheaton College, and joining Community Christian Church in Naperville, God has placed key exemplars in my life whose motivations for justice and peace are inextricably tied to their faith in Christ. Having seen such integration in practice, the ideas of hospitality as subversive or the support for transforming the systemic causes of poverty, add a conceptual framework that helps to hem in the experiences, emotions, and the work of God in my own life for the past few years.
Thinking back to the first time that I watched The Color of Fear or stood on the football field in Diversity class seeing all my classmates of color behind me, I did not quite know what to do with the feelings of fear, anger, and guilt that I felt. I remember distinctly the triangle Derek drew on the board with each of those emotions at an apex. In light of today’s readings and that knowledge, it becomes clear that one of my callings as a Christian psychologist is to move my brothers and sisters in Christ away from the corners of fear, anger, and guilt toward communities that hold all of those emotions in tension by offering hospitality to the least of these. Moreover, I feel called to facilitate making a place for different people groups to learn from one another via reciprocity in our faith communities. As said by Pohl, we are to “move away from a charity model that reinforces ‘the donor’s distance and the recipients’ dependency.’” However, I want not to relegate justice to the state, or else we lose the crux of justice and peace, which is community and relationship with one another.
Specific, concrete ideas for how I can work in a ministry setting and convey these ideas is elusive to me at this point. For me, I know that it involves ministering to children and adolescents using my psychology training and conveying the ideas about peace and justice, hospitality, and the like to them. I am drawn back to last week’s reading by Durlak and Wells discussing the effectiveness of prevention. This uncertainty is what keeps me searching for God and in prayer, because I have few answers.
Some great quotes..
Here are some quotes from a wonderful article I just read for my community psychology class. HOSPITALIV DIGNITY AND THE POWER OF RECOGNITION, Catherine Pohl in Making Room.
One great reason why the rich in general have so little sympathy for the
poor is because they so seldom visit them. Hence it is that [according to
the common observation] one part of the world does not know what
the other suffers. Many of them do not know, because they do not care
to know: they keep out of the way ofknowing it- and then plead their
voluntary ignorance as an excuse for their hardness of heart.
The emphasis on rights is partly an attempt to move away from a
charity model that reinforces “the donor’s distance and the recipients’ dependency.”
Individual rights provide an important framework for concerns
about justice, equality, protection, and provision. The cost of our
emphasis on rights, however, includes a devaluation of personal care and
social connection.
The role of host is empowering because it is an acknowledgment that one
has rightful access to a place of meaning and value, and that one has the authority
to welcome other persons into it. The host role afirms that what you
have and what you offer are valuable. An important transformation occurs
when people without power or status have the opportunity to be more than
guests, when they, too, can be hosts. It is a time when their contributions
can be recognized and when they are not defined first by their need.
We see a wonderful example of this in the story of Zacchaeus’ encounter
with Jesus (Luke 19:l-10). Jesus calls out to Zacchaeus the tax
collector and informs him, “1 must stay at your house today.” Jesus
chooses Zacchaeus from the crowd to be his host and Zacchaeus, welcoming
him joyfully, is transformed.
Especially when working with refugees who come from cultures in
which offering hospitality remains a fundamental moral practice, it is
crucial to recognize and value their expressions of hospitality. Going to
their homes, sharing in their food, learning hospitality practices from
them is a crucial recognition of the gifts they bring and the cultures they
represent.
If you cannot relieve, do not grieve, the poor. Give them soft words, if
nothing else. Abstain from either sour looks or harsh words. Let them
be glad to come, even though they should go empty away. Put yourselves
in the place of every poor man; and deal with him as you would
God should deal with you.
One great reason why the rich in general have so little sympathy for the
poor is because they so seldom visit them. Hence it is that [according to
the common observation] one part of the world does not know what
the other suffers. Many of them do not know, because they do not care
to know: they keep out of the way ofknowing it- and then plead their
voluntary ignorance as an excuse for their hardness of heart.
I see us quickly developing into, not a society
of bad people, but a society with people out of touch with the
suffering ofthe vast majority of the world’s population today -including
the poor within our own country.” He continued, “The distance that
wealthy people are now able to put between them and the poor makes
them less likely to appreciate the need for hospitality.” In his community,
members deliberately structure settings and produce newsletters that help
people connect more closely with the humanness of persons in need.
The emphasis on rights is partly an attempt to move away from a
charity model that reinforces “the donor’s distance and the recipients’ dependency.”
Individual rights provide an important framework for concerns
about justice, equality, protection, and provision. The cost of our
emphasis on rights, however, includes a devaluation of personal care and
social connection.
Today, equality, inclusion, and minimal provision are viewed as
rights, but serious concerns remain. Inclusion mandated by law and provision
gathered through taxes cannot guarantee that people will experience
the lunds of human connections and rootedness that give us a safe
and meaning-filled place in the world. On the other hand, modern experience
suggests strongly that there are few safe places when laws and governments
do not protect fundamental human rights.
The role of host is empowering because it is an acknowledgment that one
has rightful access to a place of meaning and value, and that one has the authority
to welcome other persons into it. The host role afirms that what you
have and what you offer are valuable. An important transformation occurs
when people without power or status have the opportunity to be more than
guests, when they, too, can be hosts. It is a time when their contributions
can be recognized and when they are not defined first by their need.
We see a wonderful example of this in the story of Zacchaeus’ encounter
with Jesus (Luke 19:l-10). Jesus calls out to Zacchaeus the tax
collector and informs him, “1 must stay at your house today.” Jesus
chooses Zacchaeus from the crowd to be his host and Zacchaeus, welcoming
him joyfully, is transformed.
Especially when working with refugees who come from cultures in
which offering hospitality remains a fundamental moral practice, it is
crucial to recognize and value their expressions of hospitality. Going to
their homes, sharing in their food, learning hospitality practices from
them is a crucial recognition of the gifts they bring and the cultures they
represent.
Many of us are situated so centrally that we have to make conscious decisions
to experience marginality in our lives. I am reminded of a friend
who has directed a home for homeless people for the past fifteen years.
Evcry year he takes several days to live on the street, far from home, so
that he will understand something of what it means to be marginal,
treated as if he were invisible. He is determined to experience some of the
disconnection and loneliness of the street. His brief sojourns as a horneless
person have a profound impact on the humane way in which he runs
the home and on the sensitivity with which he befriends the guests.
I don't feel very strong...
How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it once more.
Chorus:
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to You Jesus
How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the stars in the sky
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it tonight.
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it once more.
Chorus:
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to You Jesus
How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the stars in the sky
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it tonight.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Okay, so I avoided posting this, but since I talked about the topic today with my advisor, and Zalm and his friend posted on it, I guess it's time to process my own journey with this topic.
Here is the invitation of Jim:
For the past two and half odd years, I have been on an incredible journey. It has been scary and rocky. God basically took who I thought I was and showed me that it was all an illusion. Through a painful bout of depression, I began to see that I truly did not know God very well, and even more so, I hated myself. I felt as if God didn't love me because I hadn't really even tried to seek him out in a long time. I regained a lot of weight (and still have it). I went from being a die hard RepubliChristian to something that I'm not quite sure of yet. I became a psychologist and theologian. I left all I knew with my relatively new husband to come 700 miles away to the Artic Chicago winters. And God somehow finally got me to listen.
So, lately, I've really been struggling with why I feel so discombobulated with myself. I feel stuck between Brandon's Ethic of Outrage and feeling called to graciousness. So I went to see said advisor above. He's an amazing person. They type of guy who can say, "Grace to you, grace to you, grace to you." and it not sound hokey, contrived, or odd.
So, today, Derek and I were talking about what pisses me off so much about people like Slice of Laodicea and this guy, too. I want to be a person of grace, if I cannot be love these neighbors, then how can I think myself any different than they are?
The question becomes, who is my neighbor? The story of the Samaritan, who is the neighbor? I cannot be a neighbor to someone else by my own strength. I will fail. It becomes arrogance, if we attempt to love our neighbor of our own accord. It takes God's strength and provision to reflect the character of Philippians 2.
But why am I feeling so completely unneighborly these days? And the answer is, that I myself do not accept that God accepts me. It is not that I must love myself in order to love others. No, it is that I must know that I am loved in order to love others. This type of love goes way beyond the self love of psychology.
James Bryan Smith says it much better in his book, Embracing the Love of God.
So much of my own stuckness with others, such as the irritating bloggers that I mentioned earlier, stems from the fact that I feel that these people reject ideas, feelings, and God callings that are central to who I am. And because my parents are in some ways doing that very thing, I do not feel acceptance. My earthly parents cannot affirm me as I need. They fail over and over again, because they are human. It hurts that my mom does not want to read my husband's blog because, "I like my son in law, and I don't want that to change."
So, where do I get the unconditionally accepting parent that I so desperately long for and need? From accepting God's love. I make God in my own image, instead. I feel that nothing I do is good enough, right enough, etc. for God to love me the way in which I desire.
It is the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives that makes us capable of even accepting God's love, His ultimate acceptance of us. Romans 5:5 states, "God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us." It is the Holy Spirit, God within us, Love within us, that whispers that we are God's beloved. Unconditionally accepted, given a gift we did not earn, a gift that cannot be lost.
Only once I accept that God loves me ultimately and deeply, can I sit with difficult and hurting people. When I let the Holy Spirit move me to love, I can affirm the true seed of who people are, and not all the pompous fluff that they present and that offends. I can say to bigots, haters, etc. etc., "I know that you are afraid. You do not accept that you are accepted by God. Love is not in your presence because you will not embrace it. For Love casts out all fear. I have been there. I am there. I will be there. Let us share THIS so that we may embrace the Love of the Father."
The opposite of Love is not hate or anger, it is indifference and fear. So, that is why my advisor said to me over and over again today, as I cried, "Grace to you, grace to you, grace to you." I must accept that God loves me and wants me home and accepts me, like the prodigal and his elder brother. And once I accept God's love and KNOW it..then I can become like the Father (God, and as in the story of the prodigal).
We are all called to become the father in the story of the prodigal, dispensers of grace through the Holy Spirit, who is God's Love within in us.
So, no, we do not have to abandon righteous anger. For Love and Anger are not opposites. As my advisor said, "If you abandon your anger when it is righteous, you lose your prophetic voice. Your family argues with you because they sense that you are strong enough to do so, and they are not indifferent toward you. They sense there is something to what you have to say, or else they wouldn't come back for more."
So.."Grace to you, Grace to you, Grace to you."
Here is the invitation of Jim:
Here's where you come in. I invite you to share your reaction to the following statement, as well as your thoughts regarding the juxtaposition of this statement with.. Philippians 2 Ready? Here goes:
To love others you must first love yourself.
For the past two and half odd years, I have been on an incredible journey. It has been scary and rocky. God basically took who I thought I was and showed me that it was all an illusion. Through a painful bout of depression, I began to see that I truly did not know God very well, and even more so, I hated myself. I felt as if God didn't love me because I hadn't really even tried to seek him out in a long time. I regained a lot of weight (and still have it). I went from being a die hard RepubliChristian to something that I'm not quite sure of yet. I became a psychologist and theologian. I left all I knew with my relatively new husband to come 700 miles away to the Artic Chicago winters. And God somehow finally got me to listen.
So, lately, I've really been struggling with why I feel so discombobulated with myself. I feel stuck between Brandon's Ethic of Outrage and feeling called to graciousness. So I went to see said advisor above. He's an amazing person. They type of guy who can say, "Grace to you, grace to you, grace to you." and it not sound hokey, contrived, or odd.
So, today, Derek and I were talking about what pisses me off so much about people like Slice of Laodicea and this guy, too. I want to be a person of grace, if I cannot be love these neighbors, then how can I think myself any different than they are?
The question becomes, who is my neighbor? The story of the Samaritan, who is the neighbor? I cannot be a neighbor to someone else by my own strength. I will fail. It becomes arrogance, if we attempt to love our neighbor of our own accord. It takes God's strength and provision to reflect the character of Philippians 2.
But why am I feeling so completely unneighborly these days? And the answer is, that I myself do not accept that God accepts me. It is not that I must love myself in order to love others. No, it is that I must know that I am loved in order to love others. This type of love goes way beyond the self love of psychology.
James Bryan Smith says it much better in his book, Embracing the Love of God.
God's love comes down to us, fills our hearts, and is then extended to our neighbor. When we know and feel and experience God's love, we cannot but love ourselves. This kind of self-love is nothing like the cheap form of narcissism peddled in our culture. IT is a genuine, comprehensive kind of love that is based not on what we do but on who we are.
When this love begins to penetrate our hearts, it will naturally flow out to those around us. Loving one another will be less difficult and more natural. When we realize we have been accepted as we are, we are enabled to accept others s they are. When we grasp that we have been forgiven for all that we have done, we find that we are empowered to forgive others for what they have done. When we comprehend that we are valued and cared for by God, we are provided the means to value and care for others.
So much of my own stuckness with others, such as the irritating bloggers that I mentioned earlier, stems from the fact that I feel that these people reject ideas, feelings, and God callings that are central to who I am. And because my parents are in some ways doing that very thing, I do not feel acceptance. My earthly parents cannot affirm me as I need. They fail over and over again, because they are human. It hurts that my mom does not want to read my husband's blog because, "I like my son in law, and I don't want that to change."
So, where do I get the unconditionally accepting parent that I so desperately long for and need? From accepting God's love. I make God in my own image, instead. I feel that nothing I do is good enough, right enough, etc. for God to love me the way in which I desire.
It is the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives that makes us capable of even accepting God's love, His ultimate acceptance of us. Romans 5:5 states, "God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us." It is the Holy Spirit, God within us, Love within us, that whispers that we are God's beloved. Unconditionally accepted, given a gift we did not earn, a gift that cannot be lost.
Only once I accept that God loves me ultimately and deeply, can I sit with difficult and hurting people. When I let the Holy Spirit move me to love, I can affirm the true seed of who people are, and not all the pompous fluff that they present and that offends. I can say to bigots, haters, etc. etc., "I know that you are afraid. You do not accept that you are accepted by God. Love is not in your presence because you will not embrace it. For Love casts out all fear. I have been there. I am there. I will be there. Let us share THIS so that we may embrace the Love of the Father."
The opposite of Love is not hate or anger, it is indifference and fear. So, that is why my advisor said to me over and over again today, as I cried, "Grace to you, grace to you, grace to you." I must accept that God loves me and wants me home and accepts me, like the prodigal and his elder brother. And once I accept God's love and KNOW it..then I can become like the Father (God, and as in the story of the prodigal).
We are all called to become the father in the story of the prodigal, dispensers of grace through the Holy Spirit, who is God's Love within in us.
So, no, we do not have to abandon righteous anger. For Love and Anger are not opposites. As my advisor said, "If you abandon your anger when it is righteous, you lose your prophetic voice. Your family argues with you because they sense that you are strong enough to do so, and they are not indifferent toward you. They sense there is something to what you have to say, or else they wouldn't come back for more."
So.."Grace to you, Grace to you, Grace to you."
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Myers Briggs Type Indicator
Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.
This is actually correct. According the MBTI, which I have taken and administer to clients from time to time, I am an ENFJ. :) Pretty cool.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Truth or Dare
So, I asked for it and now I got it! So, I'll answer you the questions and satiate your morbid curiosity.
From Insane Preschool Mom
Pepsi or Coke? Neither. I drink Diet Mt. Dew. Yum.
Psychology is a science. Yes or no. Yes...and an Art.
It's okay for people to pretend their pets are really their children?
Only if they actually have no children. I think that if your kids think fido is just as important as they are, they're gonna have issues.
ninjanun said...
1. How did you and your husband meet?
This is funny. We were both in our undergrad at the same school but we didn't know one another. And I received this random instant message from this guy who had found me by looking for others who went to the same undergrad on AIM. And I thought he was weird, and I blocked him. But eventually, I unblocked him. We started talking via email and instant messenger, and we figured out that we lived one block apart in two different dorms, and that we knew some of the same people. So, thinking this is silly, we should meet, we met at the library on campus one night and went to see "Gone in 60 Seconds." We kissed during that movie, and got married two years later. The funny thing was I wasn't expecting anything to happen with Kevin, he was just this guy I was going to meet. So I had a date with a different guy the next night. That one didn't go too well, and there was never a second date. :) How's that for random and bizarre?
2. Describe your dream house
Huge old restored George Barber designed home, painted some deep shade of blue. With original hard wood floors, wrap around porch, and stained glass windows. Fireplaces, a library, some bay windows, a big flat yard. Something like this.
3. What are some good movies you'd recommend watching?
The Family Man, I Heart Huckabees, Garden State, Rize, Crash, Memento, Requiem for a Dream, Bowling for Columbine, Thirteen, Pieces of April, It's a Wonderful Life, The Apartment
Dave said...
1). How old are you? 25 years old
2). Where did you first have sex? The back seat of a 1988 Chevy Cavalier
3). What's your biggest regret? First having sex in the back seat of a 1988 Chevy Cavalier with someone other than my husband.
And as I asked the other blogger - why on earth would you want to answer questions in public?
I'm a psychologist, so for me it totally plays into what I do every day. And as far as answering publicly, I am who I am. I'm embarrassed by some things I'm done, and proud of others. But one of my goals in life is to be known and to be known truthfully and honestly. So I think something like this is fun instead of intrusive. And if one of my clients ever finds it, or my mother ever actually reads this, we'll have one hell of a good conversation.
From Insane Preschool Mom
Pepsi or Coke? Neither. I drink Diet Mt. Dew. Yum.
Psychology is a science. Yes or no. Yes...and an Art.
It's okay for people to pretend their pets are really their children?
Only if they actually have no children. I think that if your kids think fido is just as important as they are, they're gonna have issues.
ninjanun said...
1. How did you and your husband meet?
This is funny. We were both in our undergrad at the same school but we didn't know one another. And I received this random instant message from this guy who had found me by looking for others who went to the same undergrad on AIM. And I thought he was weird, and I blocked him. But eventually, I unblocked him. We started talking via email and instant messenger, and we figured out that we lived one block apart in two different dorms, and that we knew some of the same people. So, thinking this is silly, we should meet, we met at the library on campus one night and went to see "Gone in 60 Seconds." We kissed during that movie, and got married two years later. The funny thing was I wasn't expecting anything to happen with Kevin, he was just this guy I was going to meet. So I had a date with a different guy the next night. That one didn't go too well, and there was never a second date. :) How's that for random and bizarre?
2. Describe your dream house
Huge old restored George Barber designed home, painted some deep shade of blue. With original hard wood floors, wrap around porch, and stained glass windows. Fireplaces, a library, some bay windows, a big flat yard. Something like this.
3. What are some good movies you'd recommend watching?
The Family Man, I Heart Huckabees, Garden State, Rize, Crash, Memento, Requiem for a Dream, Bowling for Columbine, Thirteen, Pieces of April, It's a Wonderful Life, The Apartment
Dave said...
1). How old are you? 25 years old
2). Where did you first have sex? The back seat of a 1988 Chevy Cavalier
3). What's your biggest regret? First having sex in the back seat of a 1988 Chevy Cavalier with someone other than my husband.
And as I asked the other blogger - why on earth would you want to answer questions in public?
I'm a psychologist, so for me it totally plays into what I do every day. And as far as answering publicly, I am who I am. I'm embarrassed by some things I'm done, and proud of others. But one of my goals in life is to be known and to be known truthfully and honestly. So I think something like this is fun instead of intrusive. And if one of my clients ever finds it, or my mother ever actually reads this, we'll have one hell of a good conversation.
Hurricane Katrina, Community Psychology, and Being Really Pissed Off
Today, in my community psychology class, we discussed our upcoming project. It's taking form slowly but surely. The class typically participates in a community psychology context at Lawndale Christian Health Center, an ethnically diverse and economically disadvantaged clinic on the near west side of Chicago. But this year, our class is going to somehow, some way, reach out to Katrina evacuees in the Chicago area. Sure, it's hard to conceptualize, hard to know what's needed, and hard to do so when we're all just learning about community psych ourselves.
But part of our training is to figure out what types of experiences have evacuees experienced, so that we can better design interventions that will meet their needs. Evacuees have lost their homes, been traumatized, seen others die, been treated like animals,watched water trucks pass by when they were literally dying of thirst, feared for their lives in more than one context, so on and so forth.
So, in class today we listened to this broadcast from This American Life. About 4 minutes in, the stories of three people who experienced different aspects of Katrina tell their stories. The real stories. Not the hyped up media bullshit. Not the talking points and agendas of the "blame game" (yes, I said it).
So did you know that gang members procured guns, instituted their own security, and then looted a Rite Aid so that they could provide juice for babies, medications for the elderly, and then they even organized themselves by taking matching color ponchos so that they could easily be identified? They were the ones protecting women from being raped, people from being hurt, and babies from dying of dehydration.
While the National Guard protected the affluent neighborhood of Algiers...preventing people from leaving the Convention Center?
200 tourists at a paramedic convention pooled money to charter busses after being stuck at the Hotel Monte Leon (which I stayed at about 4 years ago) for days, and the government comandeered those busses, and left them with nowhere to go, no food, no water, and then told them that they were on their own for getting out of New Orleans. They were then promised that there were busses on the bridge, the Ponchatrain Expressway, two miles away. So they started walking, and other people started following, so they numbered 800 by the time they reached the bridge. And armed sheriffs began firing on them with no explanation when they got there...
Sad story after story...person after person...you should really listen and be moved. Weep for the injustice and the pain. That's all I know to do.
But part of our training is to figure out what types of experiences have evacuees experienced, so that we can better design interventions that will meet their needs. Evacuees have lost their homes, been traumatized, seen others die, been treated like animals,watched water trucks pass by when they were literally dying of thirst, feared for their lives in more than one context, so on and so forth.
So, in class today we listened to this broadcast from This American Life. About 4 minutes in, the stories of three people who experienced different aspects of Katrina tell their stories. The real stories. Not the hyped up media bullshit. Not the talking points and agendas of the "blame game" (yes, I said it).
So did you know that gang members procured guns, instituted their own security, and then looted a Rite Aid so that they could provide juice for babies, medications for the elderly, and then they even organized themselves by taking matching color ponchos so that they could easily be identified? They were the ones protecting women from being raped, people from being hurt, and babies from dying of dehydration.
While the National Guard protected the affluent neighborhood of Algiers...preventing people from leaving the Convention Center?
200 tourists at a paramedic convention pooled money to charter busses after being stuck at the Hotel Monte Leon (which I stayed at about 4 years ago) for days, and the government comandeered those busses, and left them with nowhere to go, no food, no water, and then told them that they were on their own for getting out of New Orleans. They were then promised that there were busses on the bridge, the Ponchatrain Expressway, two miles away. So they started walking, and other people started following, so they numbered 800 by the time they reached the bridge. And armed sheriffs began firing on them with no explanation when they got there...
Sad story after story...person after person...you should really listen and be moved. Weep for the injustice and the pain. That's all I know to do.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
Insane Preschool Mom teased me with the following meme, and I had to take her up on it. Now I must subject my self to the same abuse.
1. Ask me 3 questions. Any 3, no matter how personal, private or random.
2. I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.
3. In turn, you post this message in your own blog or journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you.
1. Ask me 3 questions. Any 3, no matter how personal, private or random.
2. I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.
3. In turn, you post this message in your own blog or journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you.
The Way of a Pilgrim
This week, boys and girls, Nicole wrote a paper on The Way of a Pilgrim. And she had such a hard time with the notions and ideas in the book that her paper doesn't make much sense. So, instead you're getting instead, an integration piece about psychology and Christianity that I wrote for my Community Psychology class.
Without some knowledge of the field, it will probably bore you to tears. But try, if you must...
This week’s readings on the professional role of doctoral level psychologists, viewed in the light of the proven effectiveness of preventive interventions for children, support that there is a distinct need for psychologists to reevaluate our professional identity within the field. Levine & Perkins make a strong case that the number of individuals experiencing some form of life stress or psychiatric event in any given year is larger than the current population of helping professionals can hope to address using only individual psychotherapy. While psychotherapy can be effective on an individual level, the limited number of resources precludes the availability and viability of such a model. Humphreys implies this to mean that the advent of independently practicing master’s level clinicians requires a re-imaging of our professional role in new and creative ways apart from psychotherapy. Humphreys advocates pioneering new ways of training doctoral students in order to provide internship experiences that promote innovative competencies that support the shift of the psychologist’s role away from individual psychotherapy toward addressing the somewhat forgotten areas of psychology, such as public policy, community service, and action. But the findings of Johnston Kruse & Schwer Canning entreat psychology training programs to also increase training experiences that introduce students to underserved populations. Combating the perceived lack of fulfillment in working with underserved populations seems to be key in moving psychologists out of the affluent private practice clinic into new realms that address the systemic concerns of the underserved in psychology practice.
Few authors go so far as Albee, who advocates the abolition of reimbursement for individual psychology interventions. In his aptly titled, “The Futility of Psychotherapy,” the author suggests primary prevention to be the answer and a better distribution of limited mental health funds. Albee’s support of primary prevention is reasonably validated, considering positive effects found by the meta-analysis of such interventions with children by Durlak & Wells. Together, the readings support a shift from a focus on individual psychotherapy, which is available to the affluent more than other populations, toward systemic and community interventions. Such a shift in focus must then be reflected in psychology training programs and in the attitudes toward the populations that psychologists serve.
I, too, have often felt disillusionment with the efficacy of individual psychotherapy to make any sustained, systemic change. However, the powerful journeys of change that I have experienced with some individual clients make me hesitant to completely abandon individual psychotherapy all together. I agree that there is a paucity of training that equips students to deal with the community side of psychology or for the challenges of underserved populations. However, I feel Albee’s suggestion that we eradicate all reimbursement for individual therapy is irresponsible. To say that there is no medical cause to certain psychological problems, and therefore no rationale for treating them, leaves many suffering individuals with no course of treatment, more victims of the medical model. Our goal should be to view individuals more holistically, and to grow away from our dualistic notions of a separate biological and mental self.
As I learned in psychopathology, it seems that conceptualizing psychology as biopsychosocial (biological, psychosocial, sociocultural) is the best framework for addressing all aspects of persons. The research showing the effectiveness of community and preventive interventions is undeniable. However, there will always be individuals who need the help of psychotherapy, psychopharmacology, and other individual interventions. In addition to the push to conceptualize psychological service more systemically, I think that making quality individual psychotherapy services available to underserved populations is also key. From a Christian perspective, it is important to seek a creative “third way” of conceptualizing psychology as service. Traditional evangelical culture is focused on the individual and his or her actions, decisions, and faith. However, I feel that we have much to learn from the community based approaches of more mainline and Anglican traditions. Our God is personal, acting in the lives of individuals through a relationship with Him. Our God is also concerned with the least of these, and Jesus himself challenged the social and community structures of his day. The joining of these two approaches seems most effective and powerful, but also the most difficult approach.
In my professional development, I am grappling with these issues. Why am I pursuing my doctorate, which is not what I have anticipated? I absolutely adore individual therapy. It is gratifying, effective, and mainly useful with a fulfilling subset of clients. Yet, I could have stopped with my M.A. if that were all I desired to do professionally. But because my goal is to start a community mental health agency in rural East Tennessee, I must acknowledge that my role will not primarily consist of individual therapy. I also want to develop a specialty with adolescent girls. So, the question before me is how do I best invest my time while in graduate school for the greatest result for my future clients? I feel overwhelmed by all the subject areas that seem essential to succeeding at what I feel is a calling of God. I want to learn all I can about community psychology, adolescent therapy, individual therapy, child development, rural psychology, research, and teaching. Adding the Christian integration piece seems to be the only thread holding the thing together. I can not help but ask myself, “How I can serve the greatest good of the greatest number of people with my training without sacrificing the therapeutic nature of individual relationships?”
Without some knowledge of the field, it will probably bore you to tears. But try, if you must...
This week’s readings on the professional role of doctoral level psychologists, viewed in the light of the proven effectiveness of preventive interventions for children, support that there is a distinct need for psychologists to reevaluate our professional identity within the field. Levine & Perkins make a strong case that the number of individuals experiencing some form of life stress or psychiatric event in any given year is larger than the current population of helping professionals can hope to address using only individual psychotherapy. While psychotherapy can be effective on an individual level, the limited number of resources precludes the availability and viability of such a model. Humphreys implies this to mean that the advent of independently practicing master’s level clinicians requires a re-imaging of our professional role in new and creative ways apart from psychotherapy. Humphreys advocates pioneering new ways of training doctoral students in order to provide internship experiences that promote innovative competencies that support the shift of the psychologist’s role away from individual psychotherapy toward addressing the somewhat forgotten areas of psychology, such as public policy, community service, and action. But the findings of Johnston Kruse & Schwer Canning entreat psychology training programs to also increase training experiences that introduce students to underserved populations. Combating the perceived lack of fulfillment in working with underserved populations seems to be key in moving psychologists out of the affluent private practice clinic into new realms that address the systemic concerns of the underserved in psychology practice.
Few authors go so far as Albee, who advocates the abolition of reimbursement for individual psychology interventions. In his aptly titled, “The Futility of Psychotherapy,” the author suggests primary prevention to be the answer and a better distribution of limited mental health funds. Albee’s support of primary prevention is reasonably validated, considering positive effects found by the meta-analysis of such interventions with children by Durlak & Wells. Together, the readings support a shift from a focus on individual psychotherapy, which is available to the affluent more than other populations, toward systemic and community interventions. Such a shift in focus must then be reflected in psychology training programs and in the attitudes toward the populations that psychologists serve.
I, too, have often felt disillusionment with the efficacy of individual psychotherapy to make any sustained, systemic change. However, the powerful journeys of change that I have experienced with some individual clients make me hesitant to completely abandon individual psychotherapy all together. I agree that there is a paucity of training that equips students to deal with the community side of psychology or for the challenges of underserved populations. However, I feel Albee’s suggestion that we eradicate all reimbursement for individual therapy is irresponsible. To say that there is no medical cause to certain psychological problems, and therefore no rationale for treating them, leaves many suffering individuals with no course of treatment, more victims of the medical model. Our goal should be to view individuals more holistically, and to grow away from our dualistic notions of a separate biological and mental self.
As I learned in psychopathology, it seems that conceptualizing psychology as biopsychosocial (biological, psychosocial, sociocultural) is the best framework for addressing all aspects of persons. The research showing the effectiveness of community and preventive interventions is undeniable. However, there will always be individuals who need the help of psychotherapy, psychopharmacology, and other individual interventions. In addition to the push to conceptualize psychological service more systemically, I think that making quality individual psychotherapy services available to underserved populations is also key. From a Christian perspective, it is important to seek a creative “third way” of conceptualizing psychology as service. Traditional evangelical culture is focused on the individual and his or her actions, decisions, and faith. However, I feel that we have much to learn from the community based approaches of more mainline and Anglican traditions. Our God is personal, acting in the lives of individuals through a relationship with Him. Our God is also concerned with the least of these, and Jesus himself challenged the social and community structures of his day. The joining of these two approaches seems most effective and powerful, but also the most difficult approach.
In my professional development, I am grappling with these issues. Why am I pursuing my doctorate, which is not what I have anticipated? I absolutely adore individual therapy. It is gratifying, effective, and mainly useful with a fulfilling subset of clients. Yet, I could have stopped with my M.A. if that were all I desired to do professionally. But because my goal is to start a community mental health agency in rural East Tennessee, I must acknowledge that my role will not primarily consist of individual therapy. I also want to develop a specialty with adolescent girls. So, the question before me is how do I best invest my time while in graduate school for the greatest result for my future clients? I feel overwhelmed by all the subject areas that seem essential to succeeding at what I feel is a calling of God. I want to learn all I can about community psychology, adolescent therapy, individual therapy, child development, rural psychology, research, and teaching. Adding the Christian integration piece seems to be the only thread holding the thing together. I can not help but ask myself, “How I can serve the greatest good of the greatest number of people with my training without sacrificing the therapeutic nature of individual relationships?”
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Waaaaahhh!
I miss this man. He left a total of 10 minutes ago for a two week stint in TN, working on a freelance assignment. I about didn't let him leave. I cried and made it hard for him. Our one nervous cat even let him hold her...that's a rarity.
I've always prided myself on being independent and not needing other people to be a productive and fulfilled human being. But, damn, this is hard. And it's harder every time that we have to be apart for one reason or another. We talked about that today, how it's harder every time we say goodbye for a freelance trip, a family visit, or what have you.
He said all sorts of sweet things. Like, "You're my favorite person in the whole world," and "I'm so glad I married you." Me too, babe. Me too.
I've always prided myself on being independent and not needing other people to be a productive and fulfilled human being. But, damn, this is hard. And it's harder every time that we have to be apart for one reason or another. We talked about that today, how it's harder every time we say goodbye for a freelance trip, a family visit, or what have you.
He said all sorts of sweet things. Like, "You're my favorite person in the whole world," and "I'm so glad I married you." Me too, babe. Me too.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
A box of chocolates....
I am a Teaching Assistant for a class that new Master's students in psychology take. And my students have to write response papers for the readings each week. It is starting to become apparent every year that there are some basic groups of students that emerge early in the semester.
The first group is a nervous bunch. Their papers mainly focus on not screwing up any people permanently once they become a therapist. They say such things as, "I am afraid I'll get sued and put in jail?" or "What if all my clients commit suicide because I say something stupid?" They seriously doubt that their clinical skills will ever develop. Most of these students recover nicely, gain some competence, and go on to do well.
Another group, every year, is very insightful, humble, and displays an appropriate amount of desire to learn, balanced with enough confidence to not spend the entire first year of the program in hiding. These students usually write such things as, "The reading pointed out this area of growth for me...yada yada something that makes sense."
But...then there's this other group. This is the scary group. This group says such things as, "How can I be a therapist and not convert people?" and "How is it unethical for me to share the Gospel with my clients, isn't that what they all need to hear?" Sometimes they take the outrage road: "These ethical guidelines say I'm unethical if I am looking to convert my clients. The World just doesn't understand."
Uh, yeah. This is the group of papers I usually set aside for the prof to review. You know, so we can identify which students might need to come in and talk to a faculty member about their..uh, conviction.
I just wonder, why do Christians come away with this idea that it is our job to save people? I know, the Great Commission:
But does "training everyone you meet" mean ramming Jesus down their throats? When did the church become about that?
I feel that I am, in some way, training my clients in a "Christian" way of life. But I don't do it in the back of mind thinking, "Gee, how can convert them to Christianity?" No, I speak truth into their lives. I say the hard things that other people won't say to them; I hold their secrets in confidence without judgment.
I support them in their pain. I tell them when I don't know what to do. I point out when I mess up in the therapy room. I listen to them, most of all, with a perceptive and careful ear in a way that most people don't. I have a relationship with them that is focused and for a reason. I call them to task to stick to what they claim they want to change in their lives.
If they're Christians, then yeah, let's bring up our spriritual life. Let's correct our wrong beliefs about God, about each other, about Christ.
But, those that think God called them to "save" people have some growing to do. God doesn't need me. He just occasionally gives me the gift of letting me see Him work in someone else's life. Do I pray for my clients? Yeah.
But let them be drawn to Christ because they experience love in my office. More than love, let them be drawn to the grace that pours out from Christ in rare moments when God is letting me be a vehicle of His grace.
But my only goal when someone walks into my office (I use the term loosely, as I don't have my own...I just intern at a place that has several offices they let me use.) is to help them leave a more healthy individual through the relationship that we share for a brief time. Only when we take such a critical look at our self can we even get our own junk out of the way long enough to even glimpse the work that God may want to do with us.
The first group is a nervous bunch. Their papers mainly focus on not screwing up any people permanently once they become a therapist. They say such things as, "I am afraid I'll get sued and put in jail?" or "What if all my clients commit suicide because I say something stupid?" They seriously doubt that their clinical skills will ever develop. Most of these students recover nicely, gain some competence, and go on to do well.
Another group, every year, is very insightful, humble, and displays an appropriate amount of desire to learn, balanced with enough confidence to not spend the entire first year of the program in hiding. These students usually write such things as, "The reading pointed out this area of growth for me...yada yada something that makes sense."
But...then there's this other group. This is the scary group. This group says such things as, "How can I be a therapist and not convert people?" and "How is it unethical for me to share the Gospel with my clients, isn't that what they all need to hear?" Sometimes they take the outrage road: "These ethical guidelines say I'm unethical if I am looking to convert my clients. The World just doesn't understand."
Uh, yeah. This is the group of papers I usually set aside for the prof to review. You know, so we can identify which students might need to come in and talk to a faculty member about their..uh, conviction.
I just wonder, why do Christians come away with this idea that it is our job to save people? I know, the Great Commission:
Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Matthew 28:19
But does "training everyone you meet" mean ramming Jesus down their throats? When did the church become about that?
I feel that I am, in some way, training my clients in a "Christian" way of life. But I don't do it in the back of mind thinking, "Gee, how can convert them to Christianity?" No, I speak truth into their lives. I say the hard things that other people won't say to them; I hold their secrets in confidence without judgment.
I support them in their pain. I tell them when I don't know what to do. I point out when I mess up in the therapy room. I listen to them, most of all, with a perceptive and careful ear in a way that most people don't. I have a relationship with them that is focused and for a reason. I call them to task to stick to what they claim they want to change in their lives.
If they're Christians, then yeah, let's bring up our spriritual life. Let's correct our wrong beliefs about God, about each other, about Christ.
But, those that think God called them to "save" people have some growing to do. God doesn't need me. He just occasionally gives me the gift of letting me see Him work in someone else's life. Do I pray for my clients? Yeah.
But let them be drawn to Christ because they experience love in my office. More than love, let them be drawn to the grace that pours out from Christ in rare moments when God is letting me be a vehicle of His grace.
But my only goal when someone walks into my office (I use the term loosely, as I don't have my own...I just intern at a place that has several offices they let me use.) is to help them leave a more healthy individual through the relationship that we share for a brief time. Only when we take such a critical look at our self can we even get our own junk out of the way long enough to even glimpse the work that God may want to do with us.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
The Return of the Prodigal Son
Ladies and gents, time for the latest installment of Nicole's spirituality class essays. This one is on Henri Nouwen's The Return of the Prodigal Son.
My personal response to Henri Nouwen’s The Return of the Prodigal Son, is one of agreement, but also one of questioning. I find Nouwen’s work to be incredibly challenging and honest on an individual level. However, I also feel that the wonderful insights offered into the Christian life by this book could be further extrapolated in order to explore the societal implications of practicing the grace of the Father.
Nouwen calls attention to a model of relationship in a Biblical manner that resonates deeply with me. All three subjects, the prodigal, the father, and the elder son, reveal much about grace, love, and relationship. God is a God of lost things: lost coins, lost sheep, and lost sons. For the past two years, the Holy Spirit has been at work in my own life reiterating my need to believe the Gospel and accept that God does in fact accept me. He revels in me. He throws a party every time that I come home, and unfortunately, I have been lost many times.
The struggle for acceptance discussed in The Return of the Prodigal Son seems to only be possible by someone who has struggled deeply and difficultly with trying to actually affect such openness in his own relationships. However, the respect and gentleness with which he treats the subject suggests that he has perhaps failed at times, been hurt deeply at times, and respects the frailty of human bonds. Therefore, through a very painful process Nouwen reflects that he has come to know that only God can offer the unconditional regard that we all deeply long for.
Knowing Nouwen’s background in psychology, I am not surprised at the prominence of his respect for the wounds of people. In my own short experience in sitting across from people in their pain and suffering, the deepest respect for woundedness is integral to getting past the pain and moving toward growth, to running back to the Father. Acknowledging the deepest pains of others is intimidating for many. I have found it to be especially so for many parents whose children undertake this journey. They find it accusatory, and in response, some reject the legitimacy of the pain of their response of unconditional love. Even Nouwen’s detailed concern for Rembrandt, the artist, and his intentions for the painting and the context of his life, reflects a model focused on a deep concern for people.
My one criticism of Nouwen’s work is that it still is inherently one of individualistic nature. The book is concerned with the act of the individual, the journey of the individual, and the grace experienced by the individual. I ponder at how entire Christian communities can act as a whole to counteract the vitriol and poison spewed in our own communities at a systemic level in addition to the individual level discussed in the book. I feel the father of the parable is more active than Nouwen presents. He, too, is searching for his son. He is looking on the horizon and sees him far off and comes running to the prodigal, a fact Nouwen fails to address.
After much thought and time in solitude, I have meditated how I reflect each member of this parable. First, and foremost, I have spent much of my time in life as the elder son. I came to faith at an early age, in a Christian family. I spent the majority, then of the past 25 years “at home…but I have not yet lived a free life in my Father’s house.” I was resentful of others and their turning from the faith. I sought to exclude my peers for their “sin” of turning from the faith. I get jealous when I am not the center of attention. When accolades do not come my way, despite hard and faithful service, I find myself not enjoying the bounty of having always been in the Father’s presence and having all that is His.
Most recently, God has been calling me to his acceptance, away from the fundamentalism and legalism of my past. He has been calling me to address institutional and societal structures and to minister to the marginalized of society. But my contempt has shifted to those who do no share my beliefs. I become conceited and haughty with my growth. I foist it upon others who do not yet see these aspects of faith, mainly because I feel rejected and not accepted in Christ, and thus need the acceptance of others.
The idea of being the prodigal is new to me. I always saw myself as the faithful elder son, and often times thought he had a right to his feelings. However, as I grow in my assurance that God loves me, accepts me…I find myself down on my knees with increasing regularity. I find that I am lost when I never knew that I left. I am so ignorantly called away by “lovers less wild” that I find myself settling for empty physical gratification rather than the love of the Father. I see that I have strayed in ways that I never knew were going away from God, because I never stopped to ask. So, I am most like the prodigal on his way home, but not there yet. I am practicing my speech in my head of what I am going to say to my Father when I get there…and I’m still growing toward a continual knowing that God will run out to greet me, if I only come.
Finally, I seem to only be like the father when I am sitting in the therapy room with my clients. In there, I find it easier to dispense grace and acceptance. I want to bring this huge heart of mine into the world, to my family and friends. But that is dangerous and scary. So I keep my huge heart protected behind the guise of professionalism, which helps many in my office. However, I rarely expose it to others in my life, and I am feeling God’s tug to correct that. As I grow toward knowing the acceptance of the prodigal, I feel I will be freer to be like the father. The two are inextricably connected.
Over the past two years, the music of Derek Webb has really been used by God to minister in my life. I feel that there are three songs that reveal the three different parts of the parable, the prodigal, the elder son, and the father. The lyrics of each song and who they represent say more than I could say in volumes. But it wasn’t until this week that I realized that these songs which have ministered in my life for two years centered on the story of the prodigal. Sure, these songs spoke to me on a deep level that I did not quite understand, but before I could put words, scripture, or God’s hand on the work in my life, I felt something deep and important.
Beloved (The Father)
beloved these are dangerous times
because you are weightless like a leaf from the vine
and the wind has blown you all over town
because there is nothing holding you to the ground
so now you would rather be
a slave again than free from the law
(chorus)
beloved listen to me
don’t believe all that you see
and don’t you ever let anyone tell you
that there’s anything that you need
but me
beloved these are perilous days
when your culture is so set in it’s ways
that you will listen to salesmen and thieves
preaching other than the truth you’ve received
because they are telling lies
for they cannot circumcise your hearts
(chorus)
beloved there is nothing more
no more blessings and no more rewards
than the treasure of my body and blood
given freely to all daughters and sons
Wedding Dress (The Prodigal)
if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all I’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for
and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want
(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you
so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
(chorus)
because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife
I Repent (The Elder Son)
I repent of my pursuit of America's dream
i repent of living like i deserve anything
my house, my fence, my kids, and my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent of parading my liberty
i repent of paying for what i get for free
the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
wearin righteousness like a disguise to see through the planks in my own eyes
i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
of caring more of what they think than what i know of what they need
and domesticating You until You look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent
My personal response to Henri Nouwen’s The Return of the Prodigal Son, is one of agreement, but also one of questioning. I find Nouwen’s work to be incredibly challenging and honest on an individual level. However, I also feel that the wonderful insights offered into the Christian life by this book could be further extrapolated in order to explore the societal implications of practicing the grace of the Father.
Nouwen calls attention to a model of relationship in a Biblical manner that resonates deeply with me. All three subjects, the prodigal, the father, and the elder son, reveal much about grace, love, and relationship. God is a God of lost things: lost coins, lost sheep, and lost sons. For the past two years, the Holy Spirit has been at work in my own life reiterating my need to believe the Gospel and accept that God does in fact accept me. He revels in me. He throws a party every time that I come home, and unfortunately, I have been lost many times.
The struggle for acceptance discussed in The Return of the Prodigal Son seems to only be possible by someone who has struggled deeply and difficultly with trying to actually affect such openness in his own relationships. However, the respect and gentleness with which he treats the subject suggests that he has perhaps failed at times, been hurt deeply at times, and respects the frailty of human bonds. Therefore, through a very painful process Nouwen reflects that he has come to know that only God can offer the unconditional regard that we all deeply long for.
Knowing Nouwen’s background in psychology, I am not surprised at the prominence of his respect for the wounds of people. In my own short experience in sitting across from people in their pain and suffering, the deepest respect for woundedness is integral to getting past the pain and moving toward growth, to running back to the Father. Acknowledging the deepest pains of others is intimidating for many. I have found it to be especially so for many parents whose children undertake this journey. They find it accusatory, and in response, some reject the legitimacy of the pain of their response of unconditional love. Even Nouwen’s detailed concern for Rembrandt, the artist, and his intentions for the painting and the context of his life, reflects a model focused on a deep concern for people.
My one criticism of Nouwen’s work is that it still is inherently one of individualistic nature. The book is concerned with the act of the individual, the journey of the individual, and the grace experienced by the individual. I ponder at how entire Christian communities can act as a whole to counteract the vitriol and poison spewed in our own communities at a systemic level in addition to the individual level discussed in the book. I feel the father of the parable is more active than Nouwen presents. He, too, is searching for his son. He is looking on the horizon and sees him far off and comes running to the prodigal, a fact Nouwen fails to address.
After much thought and time in solitude, I have meditated how I reflect each member of this parable. First, and foremost, I have spent much of my time in life as the elder son. I came to faith at an early age, in a Christian family. I spent the majority, then of the past 25 years “at home…but I have not yet lived a free life in my Father’s house.” I was resentful of others and their turning from the faith. I sought to exclude my peers for their “sin” of turning from the faith. I get jealous when I am not the center of attention. When accolades do not come my way, despite hard and faithful service, I find myself not enjoying the bounty of having always been in the Father’s presence and having all that is His.
Most recently, God has been calling me to his acceptance, away from the fundamentalism and legalism of my past. He has been calling me to address institutional and societal structures and to minister to the marginalized of society. But my contempt has shifted to those who do no share my beliefs. I become conceited and haughty with my growth. I foist it upon others who do not yet see these aspects of faith, mainly because I feel rejected and not accepted in Christ, and thus need the acceptance of others.
The idea of being the prodigal is new to me. I always saw myself as the faithful elder son, and often times thought he had a right to his feelings. However, as I grow in my assurance that God loves me, accepts me…I find myself down on my knees with increasing regularity. I find that I am lost when I never knew that I left. I am so ignorantly called away by “lovers less wild” that I find myself settling for empty physical gratification rather than the love of the Father. I see that I have strayed in ways that I never knew were going away from God, because I never stopped to ask. So, I am most like the prodigal on his way home, but not there yet. I am practicing my speech in my head of what I am going to say to my Father when I get there…and I’m still growing toward a continual knowing that God will run out to greet me, if I only come.
Finally, I seem to only be like the father when I am sitting in the therapy room with my clients. In there, I find it easier to dispense grace and acceptance. I want to bring this huge heart of mine into the world, to my family and friends. But that is dangerous and scary. So I keep my huge heart protected behind the guise of professionalism, which helps many in my office. However, I rarely expose it to others in my life, and I am feeling God’s tug to correct that. As I grow toward knowing the acceptance of the prodigal, I feel I will be freer to be like the father. The two are inextricably connected.
Over the past two years, the music of Derek Webb has really been used by God to minister in my life. I feel that there are three songs that reveal the three different parts of the parable, the prodigal, the elder son, and the father. The lyrics of each song and who they represent say more than I could say in volumes. But it wasn’t until this week that I realized that these songs which have ministered in my life for two years centered on the story of the prodigal. Sure, these songs spoke to me on a deep level that I did not quite understand, but before I could put words, scripture, or God’s hand on the work in my life, I felt something deep and important.
Beloved (The Father)
beloved these are dangerous times
because you are weightless like a leaf from the vine
and the wind has blown you all over town
because there is nothing holding you to the ground
so now you would rather be
a slave again than free from the law
(chorus)
beloved listen to me
don’t believe all that you see
and don’t you ever let anyone tell you
that there’s anything that you need
but me
beloved these are perilous days
when your culture is so set in it’s ways
that you will listen to salesmen and thieves
preaching other than the truth you’ve received
because they are telling lies
for they cannot circumcise your hearts
(chorus)
beloved there is nothing more
no more blessings and no more rewards
than the treasure of my body and blood
given freely to all daughters and sons
Wedding Dress (The Prodigal)
if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all I’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for
and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want
(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you
so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
(chorus)
because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife
I Repent (The Elder Son)
I repent of my pursuit of America's dream
i repent of living like i deserve anything
my house, my fence, my kids, and my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent of parading my liberty
i repent of paying for what i get for free
the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
wearin righteousness like a disguise to see through the planks in my own eyes
i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
of caring more of what they think than what i know of what they need
and domesticating You until You look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Community and the Church...one and the same?
A post over at NinjaNun's blog has us talking about what Church is supposed to be. So, go read the comments if you please, and I thought I'd weigh in on my ideas about the role of community in the church.
A church that is built around community..with each other, the world, and God, is fulfilling the highest calling of what a church is.
The new testament word for church, Latin ecclesia, from Greek ekklesia had an original meaning of "assembly, council", literally "convocation", so church is simply an assembly of believers..a community as such. Where God is a present and participating member of that community.
In fact, the concept of community, envelops the church in the Bible. First, God is a God of community. He is a community of three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, communally exisisting as one. Next, God describes Himself as being in relationship (the central concept to community) with the Church, as a husband is to a wife.
Jesus focused his ministry on those marginalized by the community. The sick, the lame, women, minorities, and the like. He seemed to constantly work to restore them to the community around them. He challenged the unjust structures of his greater community.
And yes, lots of places do acts of charity, and lots of other groups have community. But the focus of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and Father God, through the scriptures, is one of justice and community with God...and therefore the church is a special community, a community of God's grace. A God of Truth. So our church communities do possess a higher calling than charity and a little social time.
We are called to refine one another. To be people who can speak truth...scary, ugly, beautiful truth into the lives of one another. A process that can only be effective and take place in loving relationship with God and one another. 'Cause people seem only to not bugger it up with a big helping of the Holy Spirit, God with us.
And just because we see glimpses of God's common grace in acts of charity and places of community that are not the church, that does not denigrate the role of the church as both a place of charity (I'd rather say Justice.) and community. Rather, we should model community so well and with so much grace that people come running to God.
Because, in what I've seen in my work as a therapist, most people feel the most pain from being rejected or less than unconditionally loved by someone in a community that is important to them.
We are to be models, to our greatest capabilities through sanctification, of God's grace to our communities to bring them back to a place so that they can enter into community with God and with other believers.
A church that is built around community..with each other, the world, and God, is fulfilling the highest calling of what a church is.
The new testament word for church, Latin ecclesia, from Greek ekklesia had an original meaning of "assembly, council", literally "convocation", so church is simply an assembly of believers..a community as such. Where God is a present and participating member of that community.
In fact, the concept of community, envelops the church in the Bible. First, God is a God of community. He is a community of three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, communally exisisting as one. Next, God describes Himself as being in relationship (the central concept to community) with the Church, as a husband is to a wife.
Jesus focused his ministry on those marginalized by the community. The sick, the lame, women, minorities, and the like. He seemed to constantly work to restore them to the community around them. He challenged the unjust structures of his greater community.
And yes, lots of places do acts of charity, and lots of other groups have community. But the focus of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and Father God, through the scriptures, is one of justice and community with God...and therefore the church is a special community, a community of God's grace. A God of Truth. So our church communities do possess a higher calling than charity and a little social time.
We are called to refine one another. To be people who can speak truth...scary, ugly, beautiful truth into the lives of one another. A process that can only be effective and take place in loving relationship with God and one another. 'Cause people seem only to not bugger it up with a big helping of the Holy Spirit, God with us.
And just because we see glimpses of God's common grace in acts of charity and places of community that are not the church, that does not denigrate the role of the church as both a place of charity (I'd rather say Justice.) and community. Rather, we should model community so well and with so much grace that people come running to God.
Because, in what I've seen in my work as a therapist, most people feel the most pain from being rejected or less than unconditionally loved by someone in a community that is important to them.
We are to be models, to our greatest capabilities through sanctification, of God's grace to our communities to bring them back to a place so that they can enter into community with God and with other believers.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Thursday random 10...
1.) Ludacris...Southern Hospitality (Where did that come from?)
2.) Mustard....Lou Can't Reed (Tee hee, what a play on words!)
3.) Queen......We Are The Champions
4.) Mustard....Roly Poly
5.) Adam Sandler...I'll grow old with you.
6.) Pedro the Lion...Rejoice
7.) Tiffany.......I Think We're Alone Now (oh my...I AM an 80's freak, I was in 4th grade when I used to listen to this...
8.) Canyon....Mansion on the Mountain
9.) Jennifer Knapp...A Little More
10.)Creed.....What's This Life For
2.) Mustard....Lou Can't Reed (Tee hee, what a play on words!)
3.) Queen......We Are The Champions
4.) Mustard....Roly Poly
5.) Adam Sandler...I'll grow old with you.
6.) Pedro the Lion...Rejoice
7.) Tiffany.......I Think We're Alone Now (oh my...I AM an 80's freak, I was in 4th grade when I used to listen to this...
8.) Canyon....Mansion on the Mountain
9.) Jennifer Knapp...A Little More
10.)Creed.....What's This Life For
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Getting into graduate school...
Is easy compared to getting through it. So, you may have noticed a lot fewer posts these days. That would be because classes have started, and when you add internship, TA hours, and oh, having a life...blogging gets a little lower on the list. So, I thought the way I could keep this up is to post some of my essays as I write them. They probably will be a little too long for blog entries, a little too boring, and a little too intellectual for what most people want in their free time.
But, it's the best I can do. I have this awesome spirituality class that really challenges me. This is my first essay, written on the question, "Why do Christians need to continually hear the Gospel?" It refers to our readings for the week:
Rom 5:1-11
Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline p. 1-11
R.F. Lovelace's Dynamics of a spiritual life: an evangelical theology of renewal
Here it is:
There are many reasons why Christians need to continually hear the Gospel. First and foremost, as the Church, we continually live as if we have yet to hear, or fail to believe, the Gospel. Rarely does the daily life of an individual Christian reflect that “…we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation” (Rom 5:11b). More so, our faith communities, expressed through the institutional church, continually reflect a poverty of understanding and practice, when it comes to the Gospel. As alleged by Lovelace, our collective inability as a body to understand justification has led to three “aberrations” of the Gospel, “cheap grace, legalism, and moralism.”
Using Foster’s metaphor of faith as a narrow ridge with a sheer drop-off on either side reiterates why Christians must continually hear the Gospel. Without constant redirection, Christ followers easily stray away from spiritual discipline into a damaging abyss, and fail to produce any viable fruit, as well as miss out on the process of sanctification in Christ. I find the words of Derek Webb, a musician whose works have touched my heart to be particularly moving:
I know well the need to continually hear the Gospel in my own life. Having grown up in the Church, and coming to faith at an early age, one might assume that I had a “head start” of sorts in cultivating the spiritual disciplines in my life. Actually, this is not the case. I was raised in a faith community where Foster’s concept of externalism was glorified. Lovelace’s concept of cheap grace, or justification without sanctification, was dispensed every Sunday, and on occasion, a good dose of legalism was administered to ensure my continued contribution to the Church.
After leaving for college, I struggled for years with why my willpower was not strong enough to overcome my propensity toward sin. I turned away from the Church and then from my relationship with God. I manifested some very carnal sins, and the doctrine of sin that I had learned in the Church left me with such a thwarted concept of God that I felt paralyzed with fear at the thought of returning to a relationship with Him. I had truly come to believe, as stated by Derek Webb on his album House Show:
This agrees with Lovelace’s assertion that, “A church with a weak understanding of sin will thus be a church in which the flesh is alive and spiritual vitality is dampened.”
When I did return to church, I had to hear the Gospel. In fact, much of the past two years of my life has been focusing on truly believing the Gospel. Undoing all of the hurt caused by an incomplete view of the Gospel is a daily endeavor for me. From my conversations with a group of twentysomethings from similar Evangelical faith backgrounds, I have learned that they carry similar scars from this incomplete understanding of what it means that “But for God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). I have a truly difficult time seeing God accepting me as the father does his prodigal son. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work daily in my life is difficult and rather new for me, but necessary.
In a more practical sense, it is necessary for Christians to continually hear the Gospel to balance the concerns of individual and institutional sin. At this stage in my walk with Christ, I feel caught between the dead conformity and angry resistance that Lovelace touches on. The Spiritless orthodoxy of my past faith is moving into a more socially aware existence that I continually fear with become a Spiritless expression of social activism. Cultivation of both sides of faith can occur by allowing ourselves to be sanctified by the Holy Spirit. Lovelace believes that a “mutual movement toward sanctification in these two sectors” would “result in an immense release of spiritual power within Western Christianity.” For this to occur, each side of this divide must hear the Gospel continuously to be corrected by the Spirit.
As I talk to more Christians in my generation, who feel caught between these two faith approaches, who are honestly seeking the voice of the Holy Spirit, it excites me to think that a time such as this may come to pass. I know that I experience the whispering of the Spirit about a theonomous understanding of the flesh, and others with whom I share my faith, experience this as well. But it takes continuous hearing of the Gospel for me to discern the intricacies of what sanctification looks like in my own life.
Finally, Christians must continually hear the Gospel because the process of sanctification makes it a new message every time it is heard. As we grow in faith and maturity, different areas of sin become problematic, different areas of our faith are ripe for exploration and correction, and different messages are to be had from the Holy Spirit. Therefore, a continual hearing of the Gospel is necessary as each Christian embarks on the journey of sanctification toward glorification, so that we may have a more correct understanding of the true nature of God in all three Persons.
But, it's the best I can do. I have this awesome spirituality class that really challenges me. This is my first essay, written on the question, "Why do Christians need to continually hear the Gospel?" It refers to our readings for the week:
Rom 5:1-11
Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline p. 1-11
R.F. Lovelace's Dynamics of a spiritual life: an evangelical theology of renewal
Here it is:
There are many reasons why Christians need to continually hear the Gospel. First and foremost, as the Church, we continually live as if we have yet to hear, or fail to believe, the Gospel. Rarely does the daily life of an individual Christian reflect that “…we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation” (Rom 5:11b). More so, our faith communities, expressed through the institutional church, continually reflect a poverty of understanding and practice, when it comes to the Gospel. As alleged by Lovelace, our collective inability as a body to understand justification has led to three “aberrations” of the Gospel, “cheap grace, legalism, and moralism.”
Using Foster’s metaphor of faith as a narrow ridge with a sheer drop-off on either side reiterates why Christians must continually hear the Gospel. Without constant redirection, Christ followers easily stray away from spiritual discipline into a damaging abyss, and fail to produce any viable fruit, as well as miss out on the process of sanctification in Christ. I find the words of Derek Webb, a musician whose works have touched my heart to be particularly moving:
We mistake, as a Christian Culture, the Gospel for the thing that we only preach to nonbelievers in hopes they would come down the aisles of our churches and place their faith in Jesus. Now, it certainly IS that. But much more than that, the Gospel must have, necessarily has, a primary place in the life of believers. We must hear it everyday…If we stop hearing that everyday, then we are never ever going to grow, and our communities never change, and our hearts never be sanctified. Flattery at its very best will encourage nothing more than behavior modification.
I know well the need to continually hear the Gospel in my own life. Having grown up in the Church, and coming to faith at an early age, one might assume that I had a “head start” of sorts in cultivating the spiritual disciplines in my life. Actually, this is not the case. I was raised in a faith community where Foster’s concept of externalism was glorified. Lovelace’s concept of cheap grace, or justification without sanctification, was dispensed every Sunday, and on occasion, a good dose of legalism was administered to ensure my continued contribution to the Church.
After leaving for college, I struggled for years with why my willpower was not strong enough to overcome my propensity toward sin. I turned away from the Church and then from my relationship with God. I manifested some very carnal sins, and the doctrine of sin that I had learned in the Church left me with such a thwarted concept of God that I felt paralyzed with fear at the thought of returning to a relationship with Him. I had truly come to believe, as stated by Derek Webb on his album House Show:
We often believe, if we’re really honest with ourselves, that the Christian life is about how well we can learn to hide our sin. Honestly, I think a lot of us, and I do this all the time, we think that we’ll be able to measure the growth of our spirituality by how little we are sinning. Or how much we can convince everyone, ourselves included, about how little we are sinning.
This agrees with Lovelace’s assertion that, “A church with a weak understanding of sin will thus be a church in which the flesh is alive and spiritual vitality is dampened.”
When I did return to church, I had to hear the Gospel. In fact, much of the past two years of my life has been focusing on truly believing the Gospel. Undoing all of the hurt caused by an incomplete view of the Gospel is a daily endeavor for me. From my conversations with a group of twentysomethings from similar Evangelical faith backgrounds, I have learned that they carry similar scars from this incomplete understanding of what it means that “But for God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). I have a truly difficult time seeing God accepting me as the father does his prodigal son. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work daily in my life is difficult and rather new for me, but necessary.
In a more practical sense, it is necessary for Christians to continually hear the Gospel to balance the concerns of individual and institutional sin. At this stage in my walk with Christ, I feel caught between the dead conformity and angry resistance that Lovelace touches on. The Spiritless orthodoxy of my past faith is moving into a more socially aware existence that I continually fear with become a Spiritless expression of social activism. Cultivation of both sides of faith can occur by allowing ourselves to be sanctified by the Holy Spirit. Lovelace believes that a “mutual movement toward sanctification in these two sectors” would “result in an immense release of spiritual power within Western Christianity.” For this to occur, each side of this divide must hear the Gospel continuously to be corrected by the Spirit.
As I talk to more Christians in my generation, who feel caught between these two faith approaches, who are honestly seeking the voice of the Holy Spirit, it excites me to think that a time such as this may come to pass. I know that I experience the whispering of the Spirit about a theonomous understanding of the flesh, and others with whom I share my faith, experience this as well. But it takes continuous hearing of the Gospel for me to discern the intricacies of what sanctification looks like in my own life.
Finally, Christians must continually hear the Gospel because the process of sanctification makes it a new message every time it is heard. As we grow in faith and maturity, different areas of sin become problematic, different areas of our faith are ripe for exploration and correction, and different messages are to be had from the Holy Spirit. Therefore, a continual hearing of the Gospel is necessary as each Christian embarks on the journey of sanctification toward glorification, so that we may have a more correct understanding of the true nature of God in all three Persons.
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