Some People should not be allowed to have children...

...including me. Tonight, hubs let our cat Pippin out into the hall as he left for the house. He asked if I would remember to let him in, and I said "Of Course!" Well, I didn't, remember, that is. Two hours later, I went to put a box in the hall, and there was Pippin. His mews and meows drowned out by the A/C and TV from the living room. I fed him 5 treats and hugged him and played with him with his favorite string. Does that make me a "good enough mother?"

Breaking News

Rocking the Suburbs

This year marks the beginning of my fifth year living in the Chicago suburbs. In that time, I have changed a lot. I do find it ironic that God brought me to graduate school in the suburbs to teach me about diversity, justice, and suffering. It just seems so bizarre.

What is evident to me, now, is that I am rather easily seduced into the standard of living that the suburbs provide. I enjoy the pedicures, shopping trips, and pervasive belief that my life is all about satisfying me. I want to believe that my life will be better, safer, and more enjoyable if I have that Crate and Barrel couch, a carefully designed home, and that down comforter.

Yes, money does indeed make life easier. I know this. I have not forgotten our early years here when my husband struggled to find full time work, piecing together low paying part time jobs to make the rent, as I worked three jobs while attending graduate school in order to be able to simply replace those items that wore out or we used up. I remember when we could not afford a $3.00 hamburger, so we left a 4th of July celebration to go buy cheaper food somewhere else. During those two years, a $3.50 gallon of gas would have killed us.

All of this comes to mind because I was having a conversation with a good friend from Tennessee. She has never left the state, and so our life here in the suburbs and close to Chicago looks beautifully alluring. The perfect yards, the huge park, the library nearby...it all makes where we live look incredibly idyllic. In lots of ways, it is. But my friend was shocked when she asked if I would ever want to live here following graduate school. My answer: "I don't say never. But the suburbs would be my last choice of a place to live and raise children."

She was shocked, taken aback. But, to me, the suburbs represent many lies. First, the lie is that having, buying, and consuming are the essence of life. It's all about buying a home, buying that car, buying that furniture, those clothes, that dog, and on and on. Bigger is better, and better is best. I just do not trust myself to be seduced into that way of living and thinking, were I to live here longterm. That's not to say that others cannot do it successfully. However, I see no way in which a Christian could reconcile embracing the values of a suburban culture with a vibrant faith in Christ. The focus on appearance, personal comfort, and consuming are antithetical to the message of Christ.

The next lie that the suburbs are built on is safety. Safety of the individual and his or her children and family. In the suburbs, we are safe from people who are not like "us," whoever "we" are. They are more homogenized by age, ethnicity, income, and value system. Okay, so my neighbors may be different from myself. But, in actuality, I have so many resources, I never need interact with them. I don't have to confront what I don't like about my church, because I can choose another one. I don't have to reconcile with that friend who I hurt/hurt me, because I won't see her unless I choose to take her calls/respond to her emails.

On a larger level, safety in the suburbs seems to apply to keeping one's children safe. Safe from crime, low SAT scores, and from becoming (gasp) less than "successful." Safe from suffering of any kind. Yet, the Christian faith is one of suffering. One of sacrifice to the good of others and the apparent detriment of self. This is a hard etic from which to live when your kids would have to give up an unimaginable amount of things to even invoke the slightest true sense of suffering. In the suburbs we build up 401ks and ROTH IRA's to protect ourselves for the future. We seek to alleviate the pangs of our discontent with medications, and by surrounding ourselves with people and things that tell us that we are "okay" enough, that we do not need to change.

This is an illusion, for tragedy and pain break through, and if not exposed in appropriate ways from a young age, our children will not know how to make meaning of the suffering in their lives, or in the lives of others. There is meaning in suffering in this fallen world, and the triumph of Christ is the redemption of all of the pain. When we protect ourselves and our children to avoid pain, hardship, and suffering to the point that we have no contact with suffering of small and large kinds on a daily basis, then we neuter the Gospel. For, if I have resources enough to bear most of life's bruises, why do I need Christ? Never mind, if we, as Christians do not see these things on a daily basis, why are we hiding ourselves from those who need so badly?

Finally, living in the suburbs is a way of life that consumes more than its fair share of resources. Living in the suburbs, I must drive everywhere. I do not have reliable public transport, and walking is a death wish. If the world lived as I do in the suburbs, consuming the resources I use (and I live much more frugally and cleanly than most of my peers), then we would need 4.5 worlds to support all 6 billion people. If I want there to be equity of resources for those who are truly suffering and in poverty, then I will need to sacrifice greatly of the resources that I have. I only have access to them because of my position of privilege, in the first place. So, I must sacrifice that privilege. Yet, the suburbs are configured in many ways that do not allow me to give up and sacrifice for others and still be able to meet basic needs. That sounds like crazy making, to me.

So, I do not find myself faithful enough to live in the suburbs and not be beckoned to living with a sense of entitlement that I would pass on to my children. Maybe you find yourself up to the job, and I hope some people do, because there is a great need for voices like that in the suburbs. But, my call is not here, and the way it binds my heart at times makes me feel like I might explode in order to get loose.

After I spoke of these things, my friend looked at me like I was crazy. Then she asked to go to Filene's Basement. I nodded, smiled, said, "Of course." But, it stung to know that my friend wouldn't really tell me how she felt about all I had just said. What about you? What do you think?

Public Behavior

When working in Panera, be careful where you sit. Because, you just might sit between a group of mom's who are meeting to discuss school bake sales and PTA matters with such vicious gossip about the absent moms that it will curl your toes, and the loudest women in the world who let their children run circles around the tables while they discuss "the girl who gives them pedicures," "the girl who watches their kids", and "the girl who took them to Mexico."

Random Insanity

I am about 250 pages into the last installment of the Harry Potter series. That's not so bad, considering I had a guest over the weekend, my comprehensive exams before that, and that I'm busy finishing up my (hopefully!) final draft of my dissertation proposal.

But, I've had several near misses.

WGN news on in the living room, while I am brushing teeth and what not. They started talking about the ending of the book. I stuck my fingers in my ears and sang out loud until the segment was over. The cats think I'm nuttier than they are.

Very annoying, self-entitled man having a loud cell phone conversation in Ogilvie Train Station in the city. We missed the train by 10 seconds, literally. Sigh. But, the man starts talking about the Malfoys and such and I about lose it. I ask him to please talk less loudly or to not talk about that. He acts all put out, so we leave the waiting area to find a safer place to wait.

Today, Panera Bread. Working on the dissertation, because I can't make myself work at home with the computer(s), the TV, the book in question, 2 cats, and free food to distract me. Two young women sit down and start discussing loudly the book. Loudly. Did I say loudly? I stick my fingers in my ears, afraid to move or to interrupt them because I might hear something other than random snatches of Harry, and something about someone getting married, and some celebrity gossip thrown in for good measure. Finally, someone interrupts to share their love of the book. I speak up and ask for agreed upon moratorium on discussing the novel. All agree. Probably because these teenagers see me as old. That, and I had 3 allies who supported my request...a very intimidating looking group of nurses.

Also, this guy is wearing a shirt that says in BIG BOLD LETTERS..."EFFORT UNDER GRACE." Because Tshirt theology is veracious and effective, I'm sure.

Jesus was a Bleeding Heart Liberal Jew

Spending time in Europe with conservative Evangelical Christians is always a bit of a paradigm shift for me. For three years now, I've had the privilege to serve for a week some of the top academics in Europe who are also Christians. Part of the agreement of being a servant volunteer is that we absolutely cannot, without a doubt, discuss politics with these people. This policy, born out of the typical Europe/U.S. divide on political issues, is a great one. Those who volunteer are there to serve, not to be served, make their piece known, or to find some sort of camaraderie. However, it is so hard to remain quiet among my Christian siblings and not hug them, kiss their cheeks, and say..Yes! Yes, exactly!"

It always blows my mind the things I hear in the conversations among the theologically conservative (often bordering on fundamentalist) Evangelical leaders. A dinner conversation where the U.S. is described as a bully, Bush with a foreign policy likened to Hitler's, and the desperate state of affairs in Iraq, is the type of conversation I'd like to be a part of. It's so compelling to encounter Christians who have not tied their partriotism to their faith.

One of my Hungarian friends even said, "Yeah, nationalism is good. We can all cheer "Go my country!", and it is good for morale. But, a Christian, a Christian must think beyond what country he lives in. Because I am not first a Hungarian, but a person, a person loved by God. He doesn't care what country I'm from, or that guy's from. So my country cannot come first. God must, so there is no keep out or you don't deserve this because you are not Hungarian or American or whatever...because as Christians we are all people, all the same." And I watched the jaws clench among the other volunteers from the States who were sitting nearby. I wonder why this is so upsetting to my fellow citizens. Why are so many American Christians threatened by such sentiments? I cannot imagine any other way to view ourselves that is Biblically sound or in keeping with the life of Christ.

Or why is it that the other volunteers all assume that we're not allowed to talk about politics only for the benefit of the the attendees? How do you think I learned of so many of these dinner conversations? Well, because of the complaints of my fellow volunteers, of course. One particular volunteer started to complain about the "horrible" conversation her husband had to sit through that negatively cast U.S.'s foreign policy. I mentioned that we don't talk about politics with anyone when serving because we cannot assume that we all agree on anything, regardless of our citizenship or theology, although this hint was evidently not strong enough because she continued to go on and on.

My thoughts, personally, were that if I were sitting at a table having dinner with some of Europe's top theologians, and they felt this way....then maybe I might have something to learn. I'm just sayin'...

Regardless, my point is that Christians who are U.S. citizens are in grave danger of confusing patriotism with faith. I know this because 9 times out of 10, when spending more than an hour with a group of Christians Stateside, something is said that infers that we all hold some universal Republican based political ideology that I happen to not hold. It's become so inferential and assumed that such sentiments creep in nearly continuously and without notice from most people. And these are sentiments held only by Christians in the U.S. I have yet to meet a Christian from another country who has such convoluted ideas about their faith and their country. It makes me sad, and it makes me want to move.

So, my fellow Americans, just remember that what may be best for you, for me, for the United States, may very likely not be what God wants you to do. And the rest of our Christian brothers and sisters seem to see that much more clearly than we, we could learn from them.

Important Skills to Learn Before Having Children

Can someone please explain children's shoe sizes to me? The hubs and I were buying shoes today for a thing at church, and we hemmed and hawed over shoe sizes, because between two college grads we couldn't figure much out. So we picked four pairs that "looked" like they would fit a kid in elementary school. Help me? Please?

Hot Wives and Heat Waves

It hardly seems possible that is has been one week tomorrow since we returned from overseas. We spent the first half involved in some atypical mission work in Hungary. I'm purposely vague about it here, but let's just say it's the most stressful and intense 10 jet lagged days I experience every year, and it doesn't involve any type of evangelism.

After having been involved with all sorts of missions: week long evangelistic, leading summer missions trips for youth groups at a camp all summer, and work-camp type ministries--I firmly believe that the two types of missions that seem to be most effective are those that provide support and relief to groups, churches, and individuals who are invested in long-term ministry in a particular location OR those that provide direct relief/work to those in need. I just haven't found the various types of evangelistic week-long mission trips that I went on as a youth and college student to be anything but intrusive to most people and not in keeping with my leanings toward community and relationship rather than save 'em and leave 'em philosophies I've sometimes witnessed.

Anyway, following our mission time, we try to take advantage of already being in Europe and do some traveling, and by that time we both need it! This year we spent a glorious 9 days in Greece. There are some unique life circumstances of ours that make this feasible financially. It blows our mind that three years ago, neither my husband nor I had a passport, and now we've done missions abroad three times and been able to travel over a large portion of Europe, as well.

While we were in Greece, they had century record highs. I thought it was hot at the Acropolis (110 degrees!), and then a few days later when we hiked Acrocorinth (114 degrees!). But what I enjoyed most about our trip were the moments where we were around nothing more historical than a tiny rural village where people have lived for millenia going about their daily lives.

I adored the secluded beaches, the one tavern towns, the old Greek men flicking their worry beads, the arid mountains surrounded by fertile olive groves. It was much needed, and highly rejuvenating. As is my custom, I have great difficulty putting into written word how I feel everytime I return from travelling. It is life changing and yet seems so mundane when you put it into words. So, I'll let some pictures speak for themselves. You can see them here.

Of memes and (wo)men...

I was tagged in this meme (twice in fact...here and here), so here goes. But first, the rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.


Ah, 8 random facts or habits about me. I'm going to try to make these all new and not repeats of previous ones. If I get caught up in the enthusiasm, I might do 16 because I was tagged twice.

1.) I've been chased by angry goat-guarding dogs in Greece.
2.) I've scarily flown in a plane at midnight from Hungary to Athens, Greece in a thunderstorm.
3.) When I am absolutely bone tired, I snore. Loudly, and a lot. (My husband seems to think the solution to this is poking me awake, leading to further fatigue, and making conditions right for more snoring during my next occasion to rest.)
4.) I'm allergic to watermelon. In an upset stomach spend the evening in the bathroom kind of way.
6.) I currently desire 4 things: to finish school, own a home, have a dog, and to have a baby. And those four things are some of the only reasons I can seem to make myself study for written comps.
5.) I'm not a details person (see above omission of #5, and its insertion here).
7.) I want to own a restored historic home (leaning toward craftsmen style).
8.) I have an unnatural love for apes, primates, and the like. I could watch them for hours at the zoo.

Okay, that's all I have in me. I don't tag people, really. I just don't feel I post enough these days to warrant it. If you want to, consider yourself tagged.