What's good for the goose is good for the gander...

So, Mr. GoingApe and I got bicycles. See, that's a long story. Someone stole my bike, but then I found it and took it back. But they broke a lot of stuff on it. So my thought was, "I'll take my graduation money and buy myself a bicycle. Then I'll fix up my old one for Mr.GoingApe." Yeah, so, I bought myself this bike. And that was all good. And I started to work on my old bike, but the chain guard was broken, and the mean person who stole it before had broken the gear shift and Elmer's glued it back on. Yeah, so I gave up on that and just took the rest of my graduation money and bought old Mr. GoingApe his own bike, because what fun is it to ride alone?

And Saturday we rode for two hours and my buttocks hurt really badly. And so did his. But that's not the real story. The real story happened today, in the huge park just down from our house. (Hey, there are some perks to being in the suburubs.) So, cool teenage boy passes me, looking very confident in his bike riding ability. Zooming past without the typical "On your left!" warning. He is doing somersalts on the seat, driving with his toes, and all sorts of fancy things that I no longer do on bicycles. Or when I'm standing still, for that matter.

Cool teenage boy also passes Mr.GoingApe, flies around a curve, and directly into....duh duh duh! A GOOSE! Feathers go flying, the gaggle of geese honk, boy falls down, goose (or maybe it was a gander) flees the scene of said accident, and I wait until we're two curves away to laugh.

But I laughed hard. I'm laughing now. Maybe I'm mean, but comedy that good only comes along once in a rare while.

Yes, As A matter of Fact, I am a bibliophile.

Meg over here tagged me to bare my soul about books. I will no longer be able to conceal the fact that I am a total nerd/dweeb/dork.

1. Number of books you have owned: Considering we're over 600 right this very moment by my estimate, I'd say that in my life I've probably owned nearly 1500-2000 books. It's hard to tell anymore what's mine and what's his. But if you consider the fact that I bought at least two books every week from scholastic and the like when I was in elementary school, and I saved up my money and bought a new book nearly every day in the summers, then I know I've owned that many. I've sold back gads of college textbooks, given entire collections of fiction away to younger relatives, sold my soul (or it felt like it) in yard sales, and stocked the shelves of McKay's when I was poor. What can I say? I love these things, a little too much.

2. Last book I bought: Unfortunately, school books are what I bought. Some aren't too bad.

The boring ones are:
Community Psychology by Dalton
Decoding the Ethics Code by Fisher
Ethical Conflicts in Psychology by Bersoff

More exciting, but still for class:
Embracing the Love of God by Smith
Feasting at the Banquet by Wilhoit
The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
Return of the Prodigal Son by Nouwen
The Way of a Pilgrim by Bacovcin

Last book I bought for fun: The Last Family in England (Paperback)by Matt Haig at Heathrow Airport. What can I say? We use the library a lot.

3. Last book I completed: Borderlines by Caroline Kraus. The memoir of a woman who became caught up in a destructive relationship with Jane, who has borderline personality disorder. It also provides a disturbing look into a category of so called lesbian relationships that have much more to do with enmeshment than they do sex, or even sexual orientation. Recently completed books also include the entire Harry Potter Series, and The Moves Make the Man by Bruce Brooks.

4. Five books that mean a lot to me: Although I've outgrown many of them, all of the books I am going to list were extremely meaningful to me at the time. They may have even changed my life.

1. 10 Commandments Of Dating by Ben Young
2. The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships
by Michael Nichols
3. Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow by Judith Viorst
4. Sham Pearls for Real Swine by Franky Schaeffer
5. Travelling Mercies by Anne Lamott
6. A Silent Spring by Rachel Carson
7. Created in God's Image by Anthony Hoekema
8. The Heart of Psychotherapy : The Most Honest, Revealing, Fascinating Account of What Goes On In Therapy by George Weinberg
9. I could go on forever and ever! A final, but important one, Despair and the Return of Hope by Peter Shabad

4b. What are you currently reading?
Dating Can be Murder by Jennifer Apodaca
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
Enjoying God by S.J. Hill

5. Which 5 bloggers are you passing this onto?
1. Kevin @ waspjerky.blogspot.com
2. Zalm @ fromthesalmon.com
3. Liz @ Obitar aka Marshmallowy Goodness
4. Mystie @ Feminism Loves You
5. Insane Preschool Mom @ Her Site

I want to throw a shoe

I just wrote out a LONG reply to Meg over at Bridget Jones Goes to Seminary and the computer ate it. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Serving the poor ain't popular

So, church today rocked. Imagine this, we talked about *gasp* racism, classism, prejudice, etc. It was great. We came to talk about it via our current series (don't remind me how megachurchy that is..)on Headline news. Our pastor started off with the struggle in the Gaza Strip, with the evacuation of Israelites and the resulting Israelite/Palestinian violence against one another.

He didn't get into who is wrong or right. He did not wave the, "America, protector of the Israelites, God's chosen people" flag. Rather, Tim (the pastor) discussed how Jesus tore down those walls of separation and division. He incorporated Jesus's interaction with the Samaritan woman at the well, as well as his choice to make a Samaritan the protagonist of his later parable, aptly titled, "The Good Samaritan." Although it is not yet posted, in a few days or weeks, you will be able to find the entire message here under Aug. 21/22. It will be up sometime this week. Don't worry, I won't let you forget it in a few weeks, I'll post another entry when it is up.

In other news, and purely by chance (or God, or something), our church made the front page of the Chicago Trib today. Although the story is cast in a controversial way, in order to sell papers,that's not the real story. Our church is starting a campus in Pilsen, not to "save" all the Catholics like the article implies, but as a natural outpouring of our church's mission to serve the poor and to break down the walls that divide us all.

Part of our church's mission is:

Reconcile with people of different cultural and economic backgrounds. CCC has a church presence in culturally and economically diverse communities so that all people can reconcile with God and with each other.

Redistribute their financial and material resources to assist under-resourced communities. CCC attendees contribute to and support organizations, schools, businesses, and other churches as we help meet the felt needs (physical, spiritual, educational, economic, and social) in struggling communities.

Relocate to under-resourced communities. CCC attendees live, work, and serve with indigenous leaders from struggling communities.


Also, the Sunday that made me post about our church few weeks ago has the sermon now available.

I don't write this to brag about "my" church. I just feel such a thankfulness to God that he has given me the awesome privilege to feel accepted and in tune with a church family, for the first time ever in my 25 years. This congregation has been so therapeutic for me, undoing years of negative and abusive doctrine and church experience. But I am also sad, because I know this place is not where God has called me forever, and I want to stay because it just feels so darn uplifting to be where people are willing to answer God's call and do His work.

It's amazing that God brought me to a conservative, private, evangelical, Christian college in the white suburbs of Chicago to teach me about poverty. We attend church in the #3 "best place to live" in the nation (for rich people, that is) for Godto take me out of my comfort zone and make me meet everyone He loves, head on in such a place. That, to me, is a miracle.

Patriotism and the War in Iraq...

So, my mom's older brother (he turned 50 this year), my Uncle, is a pastor of a SBC church in Virginia. Before that he was in Georgia. He has his M.Div. from an SBC seminary. He's not as uptight as you would think. He loves beer and a good cigar. But my mother wonders why his emails provoke my ire. Below are the two forwards that I received today. One is an image, the other is supposedly a joke...uh, sure.



There are so many things wrong with this, that I'll let you guys make the comments.



Here is the joke that he thought the rest of us couldn't live without...

[Gotta get me one of these!]

I just got my new Lexus RX400h and returned to the dealer the next day,
complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The
salesman
explained that the radio was voice activated. "Watch this!" he said.
"Nelson!"

The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he continued ... and "On The Road Again" came from the
speakers.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd
say,"Beethoven!" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
"Beatles!"
I'd get one
of their awesome songs.

One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I
swerved just in time to avoid them.

"ASSHOLES!" I yelled.

The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and
Michael
Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums and Bill
Clinton
on
sax.

I LOVE this car!

And this is why I am an anomaly in my family. This is why I sit tight lipped at extended family functions..and the fact that I don't do so with my parents and brother makes them very uncomfortable. At least Kevin loves me.

The Nature of God

So, I was back home in Tennessee last week, where 98% of my blood relatives live. Over dinner, my brother, his girlfriend, and I were having a conversation about the nature of God. My brother always has been a perfectionist. He'd tear up his own drawings even when he was a toddler, because they weren't like what he saw in his head, of course. He even once told my Uncle that "I know about more things than my mama knows" at the ripe old age of four.

But all the same, we got to talking about how we view God. Both my brother and I view God, The Father, as punitive. He is ultimately displeased with our depravity. What we have to offer is never good enough. He doesn't like us unless we're trying hard enough. Since we can never try hard enough, God is never pleased with us.

Now, the difference is that over the last two years, I have learned (and talk about nearly every week in my own personal therapy) that God is not only just but merciful and loving. God delights in me. He loves me. He is my refuge and peace. Now that I know that...I'm trying to believe. Having an even harder time experiencing it.

Now, brother's girlfriend, who grew up in a nominally Christian family, experiences God as that refuge and peace. She didn't seriously come to be a Christian until a few years ago. God, He is her lover. So, what is it that my brother and I learned in the Church, from our parents, etc. that we both internalized God as this punitive force to be feared? I can see how we got some of it from my parents...and I definitely see how we got it in church. It makes me sad, but also knowing that I know better due to the journey God has led me on for the past two years is nice. Kinda confirms He is there and he does love me. But I don't experience that yet.


Another discussion we had, at the same dinner, is about how one can KNOW one knows God. See, my brother got off on this lie that my Church growing up told me. That lie is that "Faith is not a feeling, it's a fact." (We would sing it, like a game, stand up, sit down, for every word beginning with F). Well, telling someone with my personality to divorce feelings from your faith is like telling me to cut off my left hand and write a letter.

But my brother claimed that our faith is held in our rational mind, and is not to get boogered up by all those tricky feelings. At this exact moment, I began to see how God has been working to dispel these bad theologies and beliefs through my theological and psychological education. So, I asked my brother...

1.) So, we're all fallen, right? Yeah.
2.) And our falleness is pervasive, affecting our minds, right? Yeah.
3.) So our feelings are more fallen than minds? And God gave us feelings, but they aren't part of being made in his image? Well..good point. Something to think about.

Now, I don't know how much my feelings and my rational mind play into my faith, but I know that they are both important. And that the Holy Spirit is that small still voice that works through my emotions...A LOT more often than I give him any creedence in my hyperactive "rational" mind.

And that's all I have to say about that.

So, go on over here...

Adam has one hell of a post over here. For anyone struggling to overcome the lack of genuiness in the Church, you'll appreciate this.

Mahna Mahna!

Please tell me that you remember this! From the Muppets Show, remember? I've been listening to it nonstop, it is joyfully stuck in my head. My husband and I walk around going "Mahna Mahna!" do do do "Mahna Mahna!" Bobbing our heads, etc.

Have a listen Mahnamahna/

I like to get dirrrrrrrrrrrrrty...

I was gardening today. Well, as much as one can garden with two window boxes, two 2 gallon pots, and a third floor balcony that is also occupied by a gas grill. For what it was worth, I gardened. I have these fancy little gloves I wear when I garden. Well, they're canvas and have those little green grip dots all over them. I bought them to keep from getting dirt under my fingernails, a past time which I am quite good at even when I'm not elbow deep in decomposed, er, dung.

But, I decided that I don't like my cutesy little Ace Hardware 3 dollar gloves. I like having dirt under my fingernails. I like feeling the sensation that is both cold and warm, dry and wet, all at the same time. So I didn't wear my gloves. And my neighbors across the way watched me the entire time. Such is my life.

(And I still have dirt under there..it just won't come out...)

Interviewed by my partner...

So I'm participating in another meme. This one is a bit different, in that instead being tagged to participate, this one requires that you tag yourself, like I did on my hubby's blog.

The rules are as follows:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "Interview me." "Blow me" or "Eat me" are not acceptable substitutes.

2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. I'll post the questions in the comments section of this post.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. Got it? You have to ASK to be interviewed, and I promise I will try and be clever without asking you to reveal your sexual history or anything.

So, yeah, this is an exercise in utter self-inflation and narcissism, but I like that sort of thing sometimes. No one cares what I think about these topics. But that's the entire point of blogging, I guess.

1) Where do you see yourself in five years?

Wow, that's a loaded question coming from your own spouse. Let's see, five years. I'll have my doctorate by then (I pray to God!) So, I hope to have found somewhere in the Southeast for us to settle down, having purchased or be looking to purchase a home. (Maybe that Victorian dream home I've always wanted?) I would like to have a little one, or one on the way. Maybe in the process of adopting a child from overseas, or a child of color from the States, like we've talked about.

I would like to be practicing psychology in a clinical setting with adolescent and young adult women, and possibly teaching a bit. With all the writing I'm doing, I better darn well be published by then. I would like to be in the process of setting up my nonprofit for kids...or working at a free clinic some, definitely doing something to give back to the community.

By that time, we will have been married 8 years. I hope that our relationship would continue to be strong and healthy. I want to feel more comfortable in my own skin by then. To be healthier and more productive, as a human being. To better know who I am in Christ at that point, I see myself being less ambivalent and angry all the time about issues of faith and practice as a Christian.


2) What's your favourite book and why?

Oh goodness. What a cruel question. Let's go with fiction. Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns. This was the first book that opened my eyes to the fact that the way I grew up in the rural American south was unique. That having a huge extended family that I knew very well made me different, and that such a lineage was something to be appreciated and preserved. But it also helped me see the damaging portions and attributes in my culture such as the gossip, focus on appearance, back biting, pettiness, etc.

3) If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

To be completely honest and incredibly shallow, I'd be at my ideal weight. I really did not have to think about myself as much when I was thin. I didn't think about what I wore. I didn't think about what I looked like. I just got up and went and did, and I did more. I felt better physically and mentally, even emotionally. So, that would be it. Sad, but true.

4) What have you missed (and not missed) about Tennessee?

I miss *some* of our friends. I miss big trees and wide open spaces. Of knowing that most people were only a phone call and an hour away. The accent. The way most people smile, talk in line at the grocery store, and will wave even if they don't know you. McKay's bookstore.Insanely cheap yard sales. Beautiful mountains, huge hills, flowing streams. Deciding to go hike or camp on the spur of the moment. People don't spend money just because they have it. A marked abscence of suburban culture. Mild winters. Cheap rent.

I don't miss: rednecks, being looked down upon for drinking alcohol, closed minded bigots, the flag in church, praising the religious right. No recycling facilities. Not having Ikea. Total insenstivity to anything doing with social justice, the environment, or activism. My inlaws. My family being in our backdoor. Being expected to be at every family event. Knoxville traffic. The air pollution (It looks so much worse even now compared to last year). The churches we had to choose from. Being scrutinized for every pound gained or lost (largely by my family). 90% humidity.

5) How many days can you go without killing your parents?

Hmm, now that I've differentiated more, and that I speak my mind even when it contradicts them, I feel less homicidal. I've been bored here, but not because my parents are driving me nuts. I just miss you and I like our life better.

Oh, my parents aren't less annoying. I just don't let them get to me as much. It feels nice. Like I"m the one in control and not just a pawn in some game. But, I will say that today my mother confirmed what I'd always known: She doesn't think I'm feminine enough. And she always wanted a really "girlie" daughter. That hurts, but it's her problem, not mine.

That's about all.