It's a party. You're not invited.

Streak was inspired by his wife to write a post about who he'd host for his fantasy dinner party. What a great idea. However, all of Streak's guests seem to be living, and I couldn't decide whether to make my party in this life or the next, and it just didn't seem right to mix. So, I would have two parties--one of this world, and one of the next.

My living dinner party:

1.) Carol Gilligan-feminist, ethicist, and psychologist who has been influential in my own thinking. In my imagination she'd keep us all honest, vulnerable, and engaged. I hope she also has spectacular taste in wine, but that's my fantasy.

2.) Keith Olbermann-He's crazy intelligent, has a catalog memory only rivaled by my husband, and would give hubs someone to talk to when he got bored of all the psychology talk. Oh, and if there were a freak accident and my husband spontaneously combusted during dinner, leaving me suddenly widowed, I wouldn't object to a little romance with Keith. (Just ignore those pesky rumors that he's gay.)

3.) Like Streak, I would also invite Anne Lamott. Her writings have been influential to my own bridging of the gap between my faith and art and themes of freedom. Plus, I think that she'd be a spectacular dinner guest, and just a lot of good fun.

4.) Tony Campolo, yet another whole person who would be authentic and genuine, but not afraid to engage, argue, and commiserate. I so admire his work that integrates Evangelical faith with sociology (my first academic love affair).

5.)Karin and Linford from Over the Rhine. These soulful artists who live on a farm named Nowhere, drink wine, and sing songs about "sexy cocktail hour stubble" and "soothsayers," and making a song the president would be spectacular dinner guests. I don't think I could fully enjoy the dinner company of these two without also inviting the McCarty's and their daughter Harper. Every dinner party needs at least one child, and if you're going to have a kid around, she might as well come with some of my favorite people from the blogosphere whom I hope to one day meet. Heck, we gotta invite Streak and his wife, too. Just to make it all complete. I also would like to invite Derek Webb. His music's intersection of faith, social justice, and the political indicate a deep, complicated, faith, but he seems a bit of an introvert so we may have to ply him with a bit of wine before he opens up and performs with Karin and Linford for us.

6.) Frank Schaeffer, son of the late Francis. His recent memoirs, his works of fiction, and his non fiction books on art and faith have been instrumental in my own faith development. Plus, I'd like to meet anyone who will admit to deserving a nickname like "the little shit from Switzerland," helping found the religious right and regretting it, and who can write in what seems such an honest and healthy way about his family and his history.

I envision a tipsy Derek, angry Olbermann and impassioned Campolo arguing while Anne Lamott grills Franky over the sins of his family while praising Jesus between fbombs. In the meantime, Karin and Linford have broken out the guitar, Harper has drawn us all pictures of the Yellow Brick Road, Kristen is attending to Tony's somewhat elevated blood pressure that is making him dizzy while giving her opinions to Gilligan about how Christianity isn't inherently patriarchal, while Micah calls Wendell Berry on the phone to tell him he's gotta get over here, and Streak and the husband keep reminding us all of that annoying thing called historical context. ;)

As for my other worldly dinner party:

1.) Pope Gregory the Great, one of the first brilliant minds of pastoral care. I think he'd have a lot to talk about if I asked the right questions.

2.) My maternal Great Grandfather. He made millions in the textile business and lost by caring for and trusting others too much. He's the only man my mother ever mentions being formative to her life, and everyone who ever met him seems to remember him fondly. I never got that privilege. I'd throw my hard living, train hoboing, hitchiking Great Uncle Dub in here, too.

3.)Madeline L' Engle. I could spend the entire evening just talking about her character Meg Murray and what I can learn about being a woman of faith from that one fictional character alone.

4.)Chaim Potok, great Jewish writer. His writings are some of the best fiction I've ever read, and he seems to understand faith in a way that eludes me.

5.)Jesus. Isn't this one obvious? Why the heck not, if given the opportunity.

6.) A round robin of women from the Bible. Esther, Jael, Rahab, Mary, Elizabeth, etc. etc. I want to hear their story and their experience as told by them, outside of the patriarchal context of the Scriptures.

If you bring some good wine and some good food, I just might invite you, too.

We don't all have the same starting line...

I found this at a new blog that I'm reading as suggested to me by Google Reader. Bold the items that are true.

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18 (I had dance lessons, piano lessons, swimming lessons, etc. My parents were all about the learnin')
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

Interveiw Update

Since we last talked, I have had mucho more interviews. The process itself is quite overwhelming. There have been sites that I have fallen in love with, but that don't quite offer the training experieces/supervision/job opportunities/etc. that I want. There are others that seem a perfect fit but that are in a location that holds no appeal to me. Some offer training and supervision that almost feel too comfortable and too much exactly like what I have been doing in my traning thus far. Others pay only enough to not starve. And some are in really really really really cold locations. Others are in really really really hot locations. How do you put all of that into a matrix and make an informed ranking decision?

I don't want to go site by site through my interviews anymore, mainly because that's not what's going to be helpful to anyone who really wonders about this process, and it frankly exposes a bit too much of my hand to anyone who just stumbles upon my life as I report it here. So here are my tips...

*Spend about an hour before the interview the night or morning before rereading your essays and the program materials for that site. Ask yourself what questions do you have? What rotations do you see yourself in? Why do you want to be at this site?

*Do not memorize answers to those questions that are floating around that you might be asked. Do think about them, plan for them, and expect them to be asked. But, do not become a robot with memorized and recalled answers. You're a clinician, a therapist. Use your gut sense of who is interviewing you to respond with the best and most relevant things that you want to say.

*When asked about what you're passionate about outside of psychology or the profession, be honest. Don't use this as an opportunity to promote yourself or the work you did in this or that campus organization, ministry, etc. That's arrogant. Genuinely say that you love to hike, or travel, or watch movies, or to shamelessly dote on your doberman. They want to know you're a person with a life that's not all about achievement or your work.

*Be able to talk about your mission and vision beyond what role this internship site might play in that process. You're not telling the truth and they're not believing that your whole life you've been waiting to work in that site doing exactly what they're doing there. It might be a great fit, but what bigger reasons make it a great fit?

*If a fellow applicant/current intern/interviewer acts unprofessionally, do no return it tit for tat. If they curse, you don't. If they talk about someone or some place negatively, do not sink to that level. Just give an "Oh really?" response and try to move on.

*Look around at the interns that are there currently. Do you fit well with them? Would these be people that you would enjoy working with? Look around at the applicants around you. These are the other people with whom you might work. Could you see yourself with them? If the answer is no to most of them, this might not be a good fit.

*Do not bash your training program. Think long and hard about what weaknesses you will discuss, because you will be asked that question.

*Do not talk about other interviews, other sites, or ask other applicants about other sites. Unless you're utterly alone without any professionals from that site around, it's going to put someone on the spot, and that person may not want to disclose that they got 1 interview, or 10, or that site in that state sucked or was fantastic.

*Wear a suit. Don't wear sequins. Be friendly to others, talk and have fun.

Stuck up, pretentious, and difficult.

On my round robin of interviews, I have been away from home since December 28th, with only a one day stopover. I finally returned home last night, and today it's back to the full semested grind. During my travels I have met some really wonderful professionals and fellow applicants who made my experiences enjoyable, informative, and energizing. On the other hand, I have had some bizarre and odd encounters that made me wonder if I am all the things that I titled this post. A sampling:

*An applicant who wore a sequined top to interviews. A handful of people who did not wear a suit to the interviews.
*An applicant in a gray skirt suit and knee boots at an interview at a psychodynamically oriented site.
*An applicant who fell asleep and snored on a drive out to a remote office at one site.
*The same applicant did not wear a suit, criticized the meal we were offered, and called vegetarians "weird" in casual conversation.
*Taken to lunch by a site with current interns and another applicant where separate checks were requested and we had to pay for our own meals.
*Been told many, many times "I haven't had time to read your (30+ page required) application, so tell me what's important from it."
*In one interview with a training director, "Wait, I want to grab my cigarettes, so I can grab a smoke break when I walk you back."
*Been asked, "So, how many interviews do you have?" by internship faculty in front of the people who will be ranking me.
*Been told by a chief psychologist that "I stop and ask about Lois the office worker's hip, not because I care, but because it makes her a better worker."

And that is a mere sampling of the unprofessional behavior that I have encountered. I'm beginning to think that I might just be too uptight. Are these behaviors not as inappropriate as I think they are?

Who, who are you?

Take one extended family, add a birthday surprise party for parents, throw in a healthy serving of interviews, and move repeatedly from one home to the other. While waiting to learn where you will spend the next year of your life, gently fold in time with the inlaws, multiple hour drives, and be away from home for two weeks. Let sit, and you get pure exhaustion.

It has been wonderful to be back in the area I consider “home.” Hubs and I were able to go to the church plant that we hope to one-day call a church home. I spent lazy moments with my brother and his wife, enjoyed early morning views of the mountains, and saw all my grandparents. I also had some great dinners with a good friend. I wish I could move all of the people I love into the same geographical place. But then again, that might undo some of the reasons I find them all so charming, enjoyable, and life giving.

So far, I’ve had two interviews. One was in a southern state in a rural town, a consortium of a residential children’s home, a state hospital, and a community mental health site. The facility was drab, and the people were kind. However, I found the professionalism of the candidates and the site staff to be lacking. I am all for warm, but I found them overly casual. I left the interview wondering if I had misjudged what I could expect from an internship site. I learned more from what questions they did not ask rather than from the questions that they did. The thought of training at that site, living in that town, and working with those people, well it was merely tolerable or doable. To be frank, I was feeling disappointed with the quality of the other applicants. Two of the five were from a distributed learning school.

Distributed learning? While these applicants are likely intelligent and capable, I do not feel comfortable with APA’s recent accreditation of correspondence programs. I just do not see how the 3 to 5 years I spent with mentors, living and being with people who I both loved and didn’t love so much, and having a faculty of one mind evaluate my growth as a clinical professional could be paralleled by submitting my papers online and engaging in online discussion and critique. One applicant even said, “Well, the bad part is that other people can see your work and critique it, because we submit all of our assignments to the entire group.” To me, the ability to give and receive feedback is instrumental to being an empathic and effective person AND professional.

The second site is a community mental health site that does traditional therapy, primary care consulting (a new skill area for me), and some day treatment for the persistently and severely mentally ill. I really liked this site. First, the level of professionalism was evident, yet the people were warm. So often, professionals who work long term in such agencies or settings are unhappy, burnt out, cynical and jaded. But these were fresh faced people who genuinely enjoyed their work, who wanted to know me. They knew my application, remembering where I had worked, with whom I had worked, and where I was from. The other site’s professionals were glancing through it as I walked into the interview and knew very little about me.

It was so refreshing to hear from a site that turns no one away due to lack of payment, whose eyes shine bright at discussing their desire for all employees to have a calling beyond the agency where they work, and for high quality training as a way of giving back to the profession. This site will be high on my list. The other applicants were appropriately professional, and you could tell that this group of individuals were well informed about how to be genuine but respectful of the professional setting.

So, I’m tired, but I keep on trucking. I leave tomorrow evening for another interview in a rural area Monday morning, and yet another on Tuesday morning near Nashville. Then I get to fly back home for one day of rest. I can’t wait to see my husband, sleep in my own bed, and kiss my kitties.