Journeys in Insanity

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I like to get dirrrrrrrrrrrrrty...

I was gardening today. Well, as much as one can garden with two window boxes, two 2 gallon pots, and a third floor balcony that is also occupied by a gas grill. For what it was worth, I gardened. I have these fancy little gloves I wear when I garden. Well, they're canvas and have those little green grip dots all over them. I bought them to keep from getting dirt under my fingernails, a past time which I am quite good at even when I'm not elbow deep in decomposed, er, dung.

But, I decided that I don't like my cutesy little Ace Hardware 3 dollar gloves. I like having dirt under my fingernails. I like feeling the sensation that is both cold and warm, dry and wet, all at the same time. So I didn't wear my gloves. And my neighbors across the way watched me the entire time. Such is my life.

(And I still have dirt under there..it just won't come out...)

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Interviewed by my partner...

So I'm participating in another meme. This one is a bit different, in that instead being tagged to participate, this one requires that you tag yourself, like I did on my hubby's blog.

The rules are as follows:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "Interview me." "Blow me" or "Eat me" are not acceptable substitutes.

2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. I'll post the questions in the comments section of this post.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. Got it? You have to ASK to be interviewed, and I promise I will try and be clever without asking you to reveal your sexual history or anything.

So, yeah, this is an exercise in utter self-inflation and narcissism, but I like that sort of thing sometimes. No one cares what I think about these topics. But that's the entire point of blogging, I guess.

1) Where do you see yourself in five years?

Wow, that's a loaded question coming from your own spouse. Let's see, five years. I'll have my doctorate by then (I pray to God!) So, I hope to have found somewhere in the Southeast for us to settle down, having purchased or be looking to purchase a home. (Maybe that Victorian dream home I've always wanted?) I would like to have a little one, or one on the way. Maybe in the process of adopting a child from overseas, or a child of color from the States, like we've talked about.

I would like to be practicing psychology in a clinical setting with adolescent and young adult women, and possibly teaching a bit. With all the writing I'm doing, I better darn well be published by then. I would like to be in the process of setting up my nonprofit for kids...or working at a free clinic some, definitely doing something to give back to the community.

By that time, we will have been married 8 years. I hope that our relationship would continue to be strong and healthy. I want to feel more comfortable in my own skin by then. To be healthier and more productive, as a human being. To better know who I am in Christ at that point, I see myself being less ambivalent and angry all the time about issues of faith and practice as a Christian.

2) What's your favourite book and why?

Oh goodness. What a cruel question. Let's go with fiction. Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns. This was the first book that opened my eyes to the fact that the way I grew up in the rural American south was unique. That having a huge extended family that I knew very well made me different, and that such a lineage was something to be appreciated and preserved. But it also helped me see the damaging portions and attributes in my culture such as the gossip, focus on appearance, back biting, pettiness, etc.

3) If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

To be completely honest and incredibly shallow, I'd be at my ideal weight. I really did not have to think about myself as much when I was thin. I didn't think about what I wore. I didn't think about what I looked like. I just got up and went and did, and I did more. I felt better physically and mentally, even emotionally. So, that would be it. Sad, but true.

4) What have you missed (and not missed) about Tennessee?

I miss *some* of our friends. I miss big trees and wide open spaces. Of knowing that most people were only a phone call and an hour away. The accent. The way most people smile, talk in line at the grocery store, and will wave even if they don't know you. McKay's bookstore.Insanely cheap yard sales. Beautiful mountains, huge hills, flowing streams. Deciding to go hike or camp on the spur of the moment. People don't spend money just because they have it. A marked abscence of suburban culture. Mild winters. Cheap rent.

I don't miss: rednecks, being looked down upon for drinking alcohol, closed minded bigots, the flag in church, praising the religious right. No recycling facilities. Not having Ikea. Total insenstivity to anything doing with social justice, the environment, or activism. My inlaws. My family being in our backdoor. Being expected to be at every family event. Knoxville traffic. The air pollution (It looks so much worse even now compared to last year). The churches we had to choose from. Being scrutinized for every pound gained or lost (largely by my family). 90% humidity.

5) How many days can you go without killing your parents?

Hmm, now that I've differentiated more, and that I speak my mind even when it contradicts them, I feel less homicidal. I've been bored here, but not because my parents are driving me nuts. I just miss you and I like our life better.

Oh, my parents aren't less annoying. I just don't let them get to me as much. It feels nice. Like I"m the one in control and not just a pawn in some game. But, I will say that today my mother confirmed what I'd always known: She doesn't think I'm feminine enough. And she always wanted a really "girlie" daughter. That hurts, but it's her problem, not mine.

That's about all.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Saturday Random Ten

1. Knox 5000...........Mustard
2. Throwing Stones.....Paula Cole
3. Responsibility......MXPX
4. To Make You Feel My Love (Live)....Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken
5. Sandy Land..........The Whites (O Brother Where Art Thou)
6. John Law Burned Down the Liquor Sto'.......Carole King
7. Blood.............. Mustard
8. I Make You Sick.... Mustard
9. I Don't Have a Gun...Kosmos Express
10. Uh...a sound file from a client...oops, wrong folder
11. Jesus Freak........DC Talk

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

An amazing thing happened at my church on Sunday. We talked about poverty. Our church is quite active in ministering to the poor, but it's not often that a church in the fourth "best" place to live in the country, surrounded by rich white people, actually talks about poverty. They showed parts of Hotel Rwanda. They showed our own missions in Rwanda. They called us to go that day and answer a certain need in our church community. Our praise band led the worship in Spanish, with our praise team that is opening a campus in Chicago's Pilsen and Little Village neighborhoods. We get to meet refugee families at a picnic on the 14th, where we get are to supply one refugee child with their school supplies for the year.

Thank you, Lord. For answered prayers, for a community that seeks to follow you, to serve those in need, and that makes me uncomfortable. Thank you that our church leaders, have not forsaken you, but hold fast to your Truth, without becoming comfortable or safe.

It's the moments like this that you live for. It's moments like these that keep me going. It's in moments like these when the winding path God has prodded me along all these years, for a moment, seems to make some sense.