Calvin and Hobbes should be banned...

according to one school district in the Chicago suburbs.

Their justification?

“It was written as an adult book,” she said. “It does refer to violence and sex.”

Here's hoping that some common sense prevails and at least half the adults on the committee making the final decision have a brain. You know, because the Bible doesn't have any violence and sex in it, either.

Thoughts on Children, Families, and Faith.

It's official. I'm one of "them." Them being therapists. Yip, and a psychodynamic, tell me about your mother, type therapist. Plus I work with children. This officially earns me a place on the "You must be a fruit loop to be in this career" list. (I think that list is published by U.S. News and World Report.) Psychodynamically oriented child psychologists are number three on the "You must be a fruit loop to be in this career" list right behind Psychic (#2) and Natural Foods Store Owner (#1). Let's not even add in my integrative training that incorporates Christian Theology and Psychology.

As my practice with children has grown, I have been increasingly worried and confused by the faith that parents put in me. They bring their families, their progeny, and ask me to fix whatever problem they perceive. I find this incredibly fascinating. Well, for one matter, I. HAVE. NO. CHILDREN. Also, they don't know me from Eve. They just trust that some school somewhere taught me how to undo some of the mucking up that they've mucked up. The fact that I'm a Christian is bonus enough for others.

So I have middle aged moms call me while their 7 year olds have meltdowns and they ask me what to do. So I call my supervisor and ask her what to do. So she asks me what I would say if I didn't call her. I say something rational and obvious that I thought was common sense. Supervisor tells me to call back mom who is melting down and say that. I do. Mom does it. Child stops melting down. I'm amazed and confused how this all happened. I guess I need to accept the fact that *gasp* I've learned something in the past three years of graduate school. (Then I ask, "Where is dad?")

I wonder if they truly knew that I am a 25 year old graduate student who has trouble getting up early enough to pack her own lunch if they'd still trust me with their secrets and the well being of their children.

More worrisome are the bone head things that parents say to me. For example:

"Well, yes, we argue all the time as a couple and our marriage is falling apart. That's not affecting our children, though."

"So and so [book, church leader, friend] says that spanking our child with a wooden spoon is supposed to work and is a Biblical model for discipline. What do you think of that?"

"Well, James Dobson said that..."

"Every problem in our family is the fault of a 4 foot, 5 inch, 65lb, eight year old with a strong will. She/He is just impossible, nothing that works for the rest of the world's children works with him/her."

"I know you gave my child a full test battery, interview, school observations, and other measures that all point out that if my child actually slept 8+ hours a night, ate something other than McDonalds everyday, and didn't sit in front of the TV/Computer/Nintendo from 3 until Midnight that they may actually be able to pay attention during class. But..are you SURE he/she doesn't have ADHD?"

Now, I'm not completely down on parents. I meet tons of worried well white people (welcome the the Suburbs!) who aren't doing a bad job, who love their kids, and who need to understand that the ONLY thing you have to do to make sure your kids turn out okay is love them. That's a tall enough order to be incredibly difficult, yet not impossible. I promise that if your children aren't #1 in their class, don't play 6 sports, and have fewer brand name clothes than their friends, they'll probably be MORE well adjusted, not less.

Finally, the most bizarre comments I get are from guilty Christians who know that because of my agency and the school I attend that I am a Christian. On our intakes we always ask about religious and cultural issues. I'm waiting for the day when someone actually responds with something other than the Sunday School answer. Because I'm a Christian, working in Christian agency, people assume that I'm judgmental or have some yardstick in my head where I'm saying to myself "Hmm, they don't go to church anymore, they're BAAAAAAAAD parents."

Interesting comments that have occurred go something like this:

"Did you pick out that lovely hymns station downstairs on the radio? You must have!" (ARe you kidding me? I snuck Sufjan Stevens into the CD tray until someone figured out what I'd done...)

"Well, we're Christians, but we're not good ones." (I've never met a good Christian, and I typically haven't met many that I even LIKE.)

"Pastor [Insert White Male Name] says that we should only see a fellow Christian who believes as we do. Let's ignore the cognitive dissonance that we feel because you, a woman, obviously are not following the Biblical mandate to not work outside the home, because we're desperate and there are very few male child psychologists. Just don't have a baby while we're in therapy and we might be able to deal with this."

I love my work. I even love the parents I work with and the children even more. I just continually must vent my frustration with how evidently procreating can cause the most sane and rational of adults to leave their brain on the bathroom sink each morning. It makes me worry that one day I'll be on the phone with my kid's therapist asking if it's okay to put my child in time out, or should I spank her with a wooden spoon because some white guy who went to a seminary says so. *Sigh*

Down with the President....!

Of PepsiCo! I know, I said I'd talk about the conference. Our presentation went brilliantly and any day now I expect for both of us to have the notoriety of Freud. However, I have more important matters to write about first.

THEY CHANGED THE TASTE OF DIET MOUNTAIN DEW! GASP! I am a dedicated Diet Dew drinker. Other people drink coffee. I drink a concoction of brominated vegetable oil, orange juice, and artificial sweeteners that is probably rotting me from the inside. But it is my nectar. Diet Mountain Dew has gotten me through undergrad, insane shift schedules at a psych hospital, and three years of graduate school. But, PepsiCo decided to change to a new "tuned up taste." Bah on your tuned up taste PepsiCo. I feel like you replaced my spark plugs but now the car is making a weird noise you tell me isn't there.

I feel pretty passionate about this. I tend to feel passionate about most things, though. It took me a few cans to catch on. Hubby bought me one of my bimonthly 24 packs on his latest grocery run (apples, dew, and lean pockets...healthy, we are). The first one I tried was warm, it was late, I was tired. I just thought it was me. Then, yesterday on the way to work I popped open a can to get my sweet caffeine. I again was assaulted with this disgusting taste that is not my Diet Dew. And that's when I noticed on the can "Tuned Up Taste." Yeah, so now my Dew tastes similar to the Ass Water known as American Domestic Beer.

I called PespiCo today. I complained about the new Diet Dew and I told them that I was switching to Diet Cherry Coke. Yeah, I'l ltake your free coupon. But I'm burning it in effigagy, assholes!

Here's a picture of the pornographing of my favorite drink:

I'm a Professional...

In two hours, I leave for my first professional conference where I, me, Ms. GoingApe, is a presenter. And I'm not presenting some professor's research where he or she was kind enough to let me write a couple of paragraphs. Nope, I wrote most of the paper, collaborating with another student colleague of mine. Yip. And it's good stuff...I hope that I can give it the forum that this material deserves.

It's not even submitted as a student paper. Nope, we're presenting with the big guns. Big guns. Can you tell I'm anxious? So, say a little prayer for me (are there any little prayers?), my colleagues, and my husband who will be along to watch. Once this thing is done, I'll post some more about the theoretical approach we're formulating about adolescents and spirituality. I think that anyone who has children or hopes to have children would find it intersting. Until then...

I've reached a new low.

Boobies!