Dunked....

Last weekend, our church did an impromptu baptismal service. Without all the usual baptism classes and standard education, they offered to baptize whomever felt led to do so that night, New Testament style. Communion was being served and whoever felt led was to go to the back of the auditorioum.

As I sat there in the service, I felt an anxiety that I know could only be the Holy Spirit. God was telling me to be baptized. Immediately, I started to resist. I told myself all sorts of things... "But I'll look so foolish, I've been a Christian for over a decade." "Theologically, this just is not what is right." With every excuse came that feeling of being sick. I actually told myself, "Just hang on through the next fifteen minutes, this will all be over, and you can pursue baptism some other time."

But, I got up some courage and whispered to my husband, "I think I'm supposed to be baptized."

Thank God for him, because he responded, "Then go. Do you want me to come and support you?"

I said, "Of course!"

So, the theologically savvy among you are wondering how this Baptist girl was getting baptized when she's been a Christ follower some 13 odd years. Well....

I grew up in a church that was generally pretty supportive, though not without flaws. I never felt pressure to make a committment to Christ, and that wasn't quite on my radar yet at the age of 11. I loved Jesus, but the idea of becoming a Christian wasn't one that I fully comprehended, or even partially comprehended.

Enter old school interim pastor (OSIP).OSIP decided he needed to have a Sunday to teach Sunday School for the children, and that all the classes should be taught together. Being a small church, I was the youngest among that late childhood and adolescent crowd. He gave a very evangelistic message in Sunday School and then asked whoever wasn't a Christian to raise their hand. That was....um, me. OSIP came over, put his arm around me, got in my face and asked, "Do you love Jesus? Will you do that today?" Being 11, with an old man asking me to do something, I wasn't going to say, "No."

I said yes. And I made my parents take me home halfway through the church service, crying. I didn't understand what I was doing, but whatever it was, it felt confusing and so wrong. My parents convinced me to go out for lunch, even though I didn't want to because I knew that OSIP would probably be there. My parents assured me OSIP wouldn't bother me.

But he did. I got ambushed in the salad bar line. Confronted by a 70+ year old man about why didn't I come forward. There he went with the hugging and being in my face again. There I went with the crying and feeling violated again. After several other poorly executed attempts by OSIP, my father told him if he ever bothered me again...well, I don't know what he said, but it worked. OSIP left me alone and we got a new pastor.

Six months later, our new pastor told a rousing sermon, and our church experienced a huge revival. This was miraculous for the unemotional straight laced church that raised me. Nearly the whole church went forward to be recommitted, to join the church, or make professions of faith. I saw my opportunity, I could go forward, get baptized and everyone would leave me alone for good. So I did. And it meant nothing to me.

Two years later, at the age of 13, I truly did become a Christian. I didn't tell anyone. Why? Because they all thought I already was one. Talk about embarrassing. So, for 13 years I've wondered about whether to get baptized again or not. I've been counseled by people of all different Christian belief systems about whether to get baptized or not, and been told a a myriad of answers. But, for the past 3 years, I know that it's been something God has wanted me to do, regardless of what I thought I knew about theology.

Every time that I started to get baptized, or mention it, or seek someone out, I would feel too ashamed, too judged, too prideful. But I did it, finally! Making the experience all the more meaningful, my husband was the one who was able to baptize me. When I imagined my true baptism, I never imagined it'd be a loaned pair of men's swim trunks from the church and a tshirt that everyone who is baptized at our church receives. But, I can't imagine a better time or place in my life for making my baptism more meaningful or symbolic of my new life in Christ, for only in these last 4 years have I felt truly remade, refined, and grown by God.

So..now I'm telling everybody.

My Life Story

Life Soundtrack
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

*Updated to correct the omission of the "Getting Back Together" section that occured previously.*

So, here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie

I got this from Lorinda.

Opening Credits:
a) Everything to Everyone—Everclear
b) Fool for You–Nicole Nordeman

Waking Up
a) Inches from Life–MxPx (Wow, a song all about our tendency to avoid real life and its feelings).
b) Pregnant Sound Clip–Brak: The Space Ghost Soundtrack (This better not be a cruel foreshadowing)

First day at High School:
a) Cowboy Take Me Away–Dixie Chicks
b) Your Song-Elton John (Eh, high school was pretty awesome for me..)

Falling in Love:
a) One of These Days–FFH (falling in love with Jesus maybe?)
b) Hymn to the Last Generation–Larry Norman (why are all my love songs about dying, annihilation, or going to heaven?)

Fight Song:
a) Seven Words You Can’t Say On TV–George Carlin (This is so perfect…)
b) Strange Things are Happening-Fern Jones


Breaking Up:
a) All The Small Things–Blink 182
b) Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring–Bach

Prom:
a) Take My Life –Third Day
b) Down on the Corner–Creedence Clearwater Revival

Life:
a) I like Big Butts–Sir Mix A Lot (Seriously, does this have to be my life’s theme?)
b) Pontiac Cadillac–Mustard (A song about fried chicken, classic cars and broken relationships..great!)

Mental Breakdown:
a) The River-Garth Brooks (Ah, my country stage, I was close to a mental breakdown at 13. )
b) Reader’s Digest–Larry Norman


Driving:
a) Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door–Bob Dylan and Tom Petty (Remind me not to drive recklessly.)
b) Praise Song-Third Day (Interesting….)

Flashback:
a) The Littlest Birds–The Be Good Tanyas (Great flashback song! I love it!)
b) Light the Fire-Breakaway (Not the type of Christian music I’d like to flashback to…)

Getting Back Together:
a) Barely Breathing-Duncan Sheik (hmm..fitting)
b) Another One Bites the Dust-Queen(I never did think getting back together was a good idea.)

Wedding:
a) Knox 5000-Mustard (Well, it did feel like a big race that I don’t really remember)
b) Hangin’ Around-Counting Crows

Birth of Child:
a) Responsibility–MxPx (Ha ha ha….ha ha…rofl…)
b)We Are The Champions–Queen


Final Battle:
a) Time of our Lives–Green Day (hmm, fitting)
b) Roly Poly–Mustard (A song about bugs and roaches in the ashtray..interesting?)

Death Scene:
a)A Doodlin’ Song-Peggy Lee (A song about noodlin’ with a doodlin’ song . . .)
b) In the Light-DC Talk (Walk toward the light..)

Funeral Song:
a) Let’s Make Love-Tim McGraw and Faith Hill (What’s up with sex songs and my death?)
b) I, Grover–Sesame Street (My life’s accomplishment: Putting my shoes on the right feet and getting my own cereal..wonderful).

End Credits:
a) Alive–POD (I’m dead but I feel alive…)
b) Lord, I Lift Your Name on High–WOW Worship (I hope the praises in heaven are better than this…)

"Something's Wrong"

K'S CHOICE LYRICS

"Something's Wrong"

When your pubic hair's on fire, something's wrong
When you think you're the Messiah, something's wrong
When you mistake a plane for Venus, something's wrong
When your girlfriend's got a penis

Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...

When you like music more than life, something's wrong
When you start sleeping as you drive, something's wrong
When you're favorite drink is thinner, something's wrong
When you're proud to be a sinner

Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...

When a canary drives a tractor, something's wrong
When your president's an actor, something's wrong
When your jacket's plagued with dandruff, something's wrong
If you think that this song matters

Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...

Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...
Something's wrong...

Open Letter to Public Library Patrons

Dear Fellow Public Library Patrons:

I have mistakenly assumed that we all have a shared cultural context for politeness and apporpriate behavior in a library. However, my experience today has demonstrated that some of you may need explicit instructions in regard to proper library conduct.

*Your "push to talk" phone is annoying while I'm grocery shopping. At library, it's downright abhorrent. Leave it in the car, please.

*You may only be 13 and half my age, but if you do the fake drop your pencil, turn in your seat to "pop your back" move to stare at me one more time, we're going to have a discussion that embarasses you more than it does me. I have no idea what insecurity of mine you're having a giggle about, but it's getting on my nerves.

*There's a setting on your cell phone. It's called "silent."

*In libraries we use our inside voice, even when it's to explain to our daughter how to use the computer in painstakingly simple but appropriate ways.

*Stop shaking your leg and shaking the table.

*When you talk with your I-pod earbuds in, you're probably being too loud.

That is all, for now.

Sincerely,

Me

This is a first...

A patient in the waiting room at my practicum site took out his guitar and started tuning it, and then he started playing some song, and then...then, he started singing. There is a guy playing guitar and signing in the waiting room. WTF? He's out of tune, too. I better see what's up.