Drunkard's Prayer

So, tonight hubby and I went out to dinner at a new place. It was pretty good. I had gumbo and a caesar side salad. I brought most of the gumbo home. I also had this:

Classic Mai Tai
Taste the drink of the islands! Key Wester’s recipe using only the freshest Caribbean tropical juices in a 22-ounce souvenir cup

The waitress took a sidelong look at me. "That's really strong you know, and very tart." With a wave of the hand I cried, "Bring it on, Biznitch!!"

By the end of my salad, I was as loopy as the Mind Bender at Six Flags over Georgia. Then hubby let me finish his Hurricane, because he was driving.

Following the meal, the hubby and I decided we could wait no longer for the newest Derek Webb release. Because the college's bookstore is closed until Jan. 3rd, and Best Buy didn't have said CD, that meant we had to find a Christian bookstore. Luckily (?), a Berean is located right next to said restaurant where I was getting toasted over some gumbo.

Here's our conversation:

Me: "Is it a sin to go to a Christian bookstore while drunk?"

Him: "Well, it's probably a sin just to go to a Christian bookstore."

Me: "Think they'll notice?"

Him: "Eh, you're going to Hell."

Let's just say that a Christian bookstore is even more nauseating after a Mai Tai from a heavy handed bar tender. Then, when they didn't even have the Over the Rhine album "Drukard's Prayer." I knew I didn't have a...um, prayer.

So, I just went and made fun of all the books in the Women's Interest section, the Xtreme Teen section, and the Christmas Clearance (where they always put the price tag on the baby Jesus). Other great finds were a pink road sign that declared, "I'm waiting for my prince." GROAN! How much more, "Jesus is my boyfriend" can we get? Oh yeah, we also made the puppets say inappropriate non Jesusy things in a sing song voice. That was fun.

No one seemed to notice I was toasted. But hubby did have a nice smirk on his face the entire time. He was just thinking about that beer he had waiting in the fridge at home.

Wait! There's one more great conversation that puts my husband and I in the lowest dregs of the uptight fundamentalist heirarchy of Christians. See, there was this one time when we were in another Christian bookstore, before we came to our senses. We were engaged and hubby gave me a kiss while we were shopping. A clerk came around the aisle and said, "Now, don't be playing kissy face."

So tonight I remembered that fateful occasion:

M: "So you think it's a sin to play kissy face while drunk in a Christian bookstore."

H: "Are you kidding me? We're married now. We've upgraded to intercourse, baby, intercourse!"