Friday, May 30, 2008
Brussels
I am in Brussels, Belgium; awaiting the hubby's arrival and trying to type on a french keyboard: Brussels is schlumpy and dirty: I got lost but sorted nyself out by finding a police station where i could ask for directions: I am not excited about being here yet: I hope a shower; some sleep; and food will solve that:
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
But for the grace of God...
Thank you Streak, Sarah, PsycGrad for your comments. They do help and I often found myself reading them when I began to succumb to the irrational thought that I am crazy and that I should be able to handle all of this much, much better and completely on my own.
My mentor is doing well. He's "toddling" and joking. He's having to relearn stuff, but his humor, his personality is there. His left side is much compromised, but I've been able to see him a lot and we've been able to talk. He calls me his daughter and makes me cry.
My college roommate was in town over the weekend. It was good to bring my best friend from TN together with some of my best friends from IL. It helps make the transition seem better and more fluid. And my friend from TN and I caught up reconnected and drank beers on Lake Michigan on a boat (we weren't navigating, it was a lake cruise you pay for). Thank you God for Leininkugel Berry Weiss and cheap Champagne.
I leave for Europe tomorrow, and I've never needed so badly to get away and to let myself rest and explore and recapture the wonder of God and creation. My mentor has been having a very spiritual experience throughout his strokes. Dreams of God stripping away his pride, asking hymns to be sung, and speaking of what it was like to lie in his backyard for 1/2 an hour near death and how dim this earth looks compared to what lies beyond. It's moving and powerful and good for my often fragile and doubt filled faith in what God is up to in this world.
As I go on my trip, I have to accept that God will take care of all the gaps I fill in my regular life and let go of the pride of thinking that people will go uncared for in my absence. I'm leaving a friend to deal with all of her friends disappearing at once, another is having serious heart problems, and then, my mentor and his family. All of these people do their turns supporting me, too, and I am sad to be off having a great time while I know that they need me like I have so needed them in other times (um, like right now).
What I have learned during the past week plus is that love and relationships are all that matter. I hope my trip makes me able to love more people better. That's my goal.
My mentor is doing well. He's "toddling" and joking. He's having to relearn stuff, but his humor, his personality is there. His left side is much compromised, but I've been able to see him a lot and we've been able to talk. He calls me his daughter and makes me cry.
My college roommate was in town over the weekend. It was good to bring my best friend from TN together with some of my best friends from IL. It helps make the transition seem better and more fluid. And my friend from TN and I caught up reconnected and drank beers on Lake Michigan on a boat (we weren't navigating, it was a lake cruise you pay for). Thank you God for Leininkugel Berry Weiss and cheap Champagne.
I leave for Europe tomorrow, and I've never needed so badly to get away and to let myself rest and explore and recapture the wonder of God and creation. My mentor has been having a very spiritual experience throughout his strokes. Dreams of God stripping away his pride, asking hymns to be sung, and speaking of what it was like to lie in his backyard for 1/2 an hour near death and how dim this earth looks compared to what lies beyond. It's moving and powerful and good for my often fragile and doubt filled faith in what God is up to in this world.
As I go on my trip, I have to accept that God will take care of all the gaps I fill in my regular life and let go of the pride of thinking that people will go uncared for in my absence. I'm leaving a friend to deal with all of her friends disappearing at once, another is having serious heart problems, and then, my mentor and his family. All of these people do their turns supporting me, too, and I am sad to be off having a great time while I know that they need me like I have so needed them in other times (um, like right now).
What I have learned during the past week plus is that love and relationships are all that matter. I hope my trip makes me able to love more people better. That's my goal.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
It's unfortunate, but I'm not apologizing
Where have I been? Well, it's been a draining semester of a myriad of events, many of them difficult. Because many of these events have been...well, difficult, I have hesitated to blog about them. Some have been too vulnerable while others have been about sensitive information that no online forum would be anonymous enough to divulge. But overall, I have been going from one emotionally draining event from another, and none of them are of my own making.
I do ask for prayers and thoughts and a $20 prayer gift, for which I will send you a prayer rug that I have blessed. (Just kidding..seeing if you were awake). But, I was serious about the prayers and thoughts.
I am not trying to be secretive, neither am I wanting to seek out the pity of others. However, I do think if I list all of these events, I may just feel sorry for myself.
My mentor, friend, and professor who is in his mid 40's had a stroke on Sunday afternoon. A severe one. Then there was emergency brain surgery for the swelling. And all of the people coming to see him, and the him being asleep, and me finally finally getting to see him today (which was so hard but such a blessing). This man has been a dear friend, supervisor, and mentor, and I am heartbroken for him right now and how hard it is for him to be dependent and the unknown nature of his recovery for him, and for his wife and son whom I also know and love. For four years I have been his teaching assistant, his "right hand" (his description). He is my "second dad" and I feel so bad for leaving in a week to go to Europe, for leaving in 7 weeks to move hundreds of miles away at a time when he really does need an extra hand, because his left side is paralyzed (but improving).
He is still himself, joking, talking, although more slowly and interspersed with naps. My heart breaks. I make myself get up early so that I get some time alone with him before the crowds come to visit him, so he can tell me the things that he wants me to know. The Wednesday before his stroke, we had a "goodbye" lunch, where tears were shed and how much we have meant to each other was spoken, where we said out loud what we had seen and experienced over 4 years of working, laughing, doing therapy, and learning together. I am so thankful for those 2 hours now, and for the hours I know we're going to have in the future. But for now, my heart breaks.
And, our department chair is in the same hospital, with artery issues and likely facing surgery in the coming week, as well. He is intensely private, but kind and gentle. So, although I by no means am as close to him, the intense upset to our department and my community is overwhelming.
All of this follows on the heels of the internship process and saying goodbye to everything that has been our life these past 5 years. My grandmother being seriously ill and near death (but she's recovering very well now, praise God!). A closest friend having some hard stuff, and then being very hurtful to the point I had to step away in a time when I should be clinging to her. The departure of a professor under dubious circumstance of which I was informed and that put me in a weird between faculty and students and friends/colleagues/coworkers/supervisors situation. A close professor having breast cancer, and the increased load this placed on the aforementioned prof. Excruciatingly painful end of the year, saying goodbye issues compounded by the painful things I was dealing with regarding the friend I mentioned before. Difficult situations with my practicum site and with a clinical training personnel that have resulted in my having to use my voice to speak up and give hard feedback to superiors (but that has been received well and that I have been supported in). And finally, sending my husband off to Europe this morning for work, to see him again in 9 days when we will meet in Brussels.
I do ask for prayers and thoughts and a $20 prayer gift, for which I will send you a prayer rug that I have blessed. (Just kidding..seeing if you were awake). But, I was serious about the prayers and thoughts.
I am not trying to be secretive, neither am I wanting to seek out the pity of others. However, I do think if I list all of these events, I may just feel sorry for myself.
My mentor, friend, and professor who is in his mid 40's had a stroke on Sunday afternoon. A severe one. Then there was emergency brain surgery for the swelling. And all of the people coming to see him, and the him being asleep, and me finally finally getting to see him today (which was so hard but such a blessing). This man has been a dear friend, supervisor, and mentor, and I am heartbroken for him right now and how hard it is for him to be dependent and the unknown nature of his recovery for him, and for his wife and son whom I also know and love. For four years I have been his teaching assistant, his "right hand" (his description). He is my "second dad" and I feel so bad for leaving in a week to go to Europe, for leaving in 7 weeks to move hundreds of miles away at a time when he really does need an extra hand, because his left side is paralyzed (but improving).
He is still himself, joking, talking, although more slowly and interspersed with naps. My heart breaks. I make myself get up early so that I get some time alone with him before the crowds come to visit him, so he can tell me the things that he wants me to know. The Wednesday before his stroke, we had a "goodbye" lunch, where tears were shed and how much we have meant to each other was spoken, where we said out loud what we had seen and experienced over 4 years of working, laughing, doing therapy, and learning together. I am so thankful for those 2 hours now, and for the hours I know we're going to have in the future. But for now, my heart breaks.
And, our department chair is in the same hospital, with artery issues and likely facing surgery in the coming week, as well. He is intensely private, but kind and gentle. So, although I by no means am as close to him, the intense upset to our department and my community is overwhelming.
All of this follows on the heels of the internship process and saying goodbye to everything that has been our life these past 5 years. My grandmother being seriously ill and near death (but she's recovering very well now, praise God!). A closest friend having some hard stuff, and then being very hurtful to the point I had to step away in a time when I should be clinging to her. The departure of a professor under dubious circumstance of which I was informed and that put me in a weird between faculty and students and friends/colleagues/coworkers/supervisors situation. A close professor having breast cancer, and the increased load this placed on the aforementioned prof. Excruciatingly painful end of the year, saying goodbye issues compounded by the painful things I was dealing with regarding the friend I mentioned before. Difficult situations with my practicum site and with a clinical training personnel that have resulted in my having to use my voice to speak up and give hard feedback to superiors (but that has been received well and that I have been supported in). And finally, sending my husband off to Europe this morning for work, to see him again in 9 days when we will meet in Brussels.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Looking for Music Suggestions...
I volunteered to make the year-end slide show for my department's banquet. I actually enjoy this kind of thing, and it's an easy way for me to give something to the department and actually enjoy it. I especially enjoy the humor aspect of the job. One year I diagnosed all of the faculty with various inane but funny disorders. This year, I am mulling over the ideas of how to poke appropriate fun at our facult. But, I'm struggling with what songs to put with the pictures. The struggle is that the songs need to be publicly acceptable...probably meaning no cursing. An unusually high number of my songs that I feel fit all say some combination of "Fuck," "Fuck the president," or "Fuck the war." Um, that's probably not very nice to a group of diverse adults who may or may not agree with me.
Although we are a Christian school, I do think that my psychologist classmates could handle the rare damn, hell, or shit. Any ideas? The slide show is usually about 15-20 minutes, so I have some leeway with a broad range of songs. I typically go from a funny, upbeat feel to a more serious, saying goodbye tone. What suggestions do you have?
Although we are a Christian school, I do think that my psychologist classmates could handle the rare damn, hell, or shit. Any ideas? The slide show is usually about 15-20 minutes, so I have some leeway with a broad range of songs. I typically go from a funny, upbeat feel to a more serious, saying goodbye tone. What suggestions do you have?
Contemplating Contemplation
Instead of fasting in some way during the Lenten season, I added a discipline. That discipline was attending liturgical services. I chose a local charismatic liturgical church that is part of the Anglican Mission in America. Over and over again, I was struck by the centeredness and closeness to God that I experienced, in large part due to the sensuousness of the services. The smell of the incense, the taste of real wine served as communion, the feel of oil on my head as I was being anointed and prayed for...
Having grown up in Evangelical traditions that largely focus on Scripture and less on history, tradition, and experience (to the point of being relatively suspicious of those aspects of faith), I was deeply impacted by the meaning in the rituals of liturgical worship. There is something about reciting creeds that were written and agreed upon by the Church centuries (and sometimes millenia) ago. I noticed that I had to draw more upon my theology training more often than I do in most other churches, engaging my mind to actually consider what it means to be part of "one holy, catholic Church." I had to think about God, "from whom no thing is hid." I thought more often about how I had sinned by "what we have done and what we have left undone."
I was moved by the focus on the Eucharist. This, a sacred ritual given to us by our Saviour, was savored and focused upon. It was especially moving to be served communion by one of my best friends. Recieving "the blood of Christ, the cup of salvation" from someone from whom I have experienced love, grace, and friendship the past 5 years often brought me to tears. I loved the slow and steady pace, the cadence of the liturgy, and frequent silences allowed me space to breathe, pray, and listen to God.
Then there was the experience of Palm Sunday, with an actual processional and palm leaves. Everything seemed so tangible and real, the feel of the palm as I waved it, the cold of the March air in my lungs as we stood outside, hearing the music as the cross passed us by. As we recited the liturgy and as a memeber of the congregation, I had to also say, "Crucify him," it gave me chills.
The 40 days culminated with a 4 hour (yes, 4 hour) Easter Vigil. A somber service led into a joyous celebration. Banners unfurled, reading Alleluia. Lilies, tulips, and other spring flowers were brought out on stage. The congregation rang bells, the pastor danced on stage in his robes, the people danced in the aisles with ribbons, as we all shook our bells in jingling unison, singing hymns of celebration. One of my favorites...
I sang until I was hoarse, hundreds of people gathered in the name of Jesus Christ, celebrating until past 11pm on a Saturday night, keeping vigil. Celebrating that while we are sinful, while we continue to hurt and exploit others, while we all act out of selfishness, while we all hurt and are blind to the hurt around us, Christ has conquered death to bring us hope and to deliever us from our failings and bring us to God. Alleleuia. May we live out our hope and peace more and more every day.
Having grown up in Evangelical traditions that largely focus on Scripture and less on history, tradition, and experience (to the point of being relatively suspicious of those aspects of faith), I was deeply impacted by the meaning in the rituals of liturgical worship. There is something about reciting creeds that were written and agreed upon by the Church centuries (and sometimes millenia) ago. I noticed that I had to draw more upon my theology training more often than I do in most other churches, engaging my mind to actually consider what it means to be part of "one holy, catholic Church." I had to think about God, "from whom no thing is hid." I thought more often about how I had sinned by "what we have done and what we have left undone."
I was moved by the focus on the Eucharist. This, a sacred ritual given to us by our Saviour, was savored and focused upon. It was especially moving to be served communion by one of my best friends. Recieving "the blood of Christ, the cup of salvation" from someone from whom I have experienced love, grace, and friendship the past 5 years often brought me to tears. I loved the slow and steady pace, the cadence of the liturgy, and frequent silences allowed me space to breathe, pray, and listen to God.
Then there was the experience of Palm Sunday, with an actual processional and palm leaves. Everything seemed so tangible and real, the feel of the palm as I waved it, the cold of the March air in my lungs as we stood outside, hearing the music as the cross passed us by. As we recited the liturgy and as a memeber of the congregation, I had to also say, "Crucify him," it gave me chills.
The 40 days culminated with a 4 hour (yes, 4 hour) Easter Vigil. A somber service led into a joyous celebration. Banners unfurled, reading Alleluia. Lilies, tulips, and other spring flowers were brought out on stage. The congregation rang bells, the pastor danced on stage in his robes, the people danced in the aisles with ribbons, as we all shook our bells in jingling unison, singing hymns of celebration. One of my favorites...
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
Songs that bring Your hope
Songs that bring Your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
I sang until I was hoarse, hundreds of people gathered in the name of Jesus Christ, celebrating until past 11pm on a Saturday night, keeping vigil. Celebrating that while we are sinful, while we continue to hurt and exploit others, while we all act out of selfishness, while we all hurt and are blind to the hurt around us, Christ has conquered death to bring us hope and to deliever us from our failings and bring us to God. Alleleuia. May we live out our hope and peace more and more every day.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Inspiration
Inspired by Maggie over at MightyGirl, I have started a list of 100 things that I want to accomplish in my life. The inspiration probably also comes from the antidepressants that I recently began taking. Better living through more serotonin. I feel like myself for the first time in years, in ways that I hadn't even noticed had slipped away. Enough of my troubles..here's the list...
1. Travel to all 7 continents (3 down after this summer)
2. Set foot in all 50 states
3. Give birth to at least one child
4. Adopt at least one child
5. Live in an historic home (>100 years old)
6. Live outside the United States
7. Backcountry camp
8. Visit all the national parks
9. Start a not for profit
10. Write thank you notes to important people in my life (friends, teachers, relatives)
11. Make a quilt
12. Take my children on an international vacation
13. Go on a spiritual retreat once every five years
14. Spend a day in silence
15. Fast for more than a day
16. Write a book
17. Get published in a professional publication
18. Provide therapy for free
19. Raise an organic garden
20. Plant fruit trees and bushes
21. Visit Greece (AGAIN)
22. Learn another language
23. Tithe
24. Make a large stained glass window
25. Compete in a 5k or a triathlon
26. Read the entire Bible
27. Read a great novel every year
28. Have sex on the beach
29. Own a dog
30. Provide a home for a homeless person
31. Serve in some sort of ministry always
32. Take a road trip with my best friends every couple of years
33. Do something selfless for my husband
34. Create a new tradition for my family
35. Do a gift-free Christmas
36. Raise a cow for meat.
37. Own a goat, and milk it for all it’s worth.
38. Make goat cheese.
39. Slaughter a chicken
40. Raise chickens for their eggs
41. Lose 20 lbs. and keep it off.
42. Breastfeed a child (my own!)
43. Play softball competitively again
44. Coach a kids’ sports team
45. Anonymously pay for someone’s meal at a restaurant
46. Donate something meaningful to my tiny hometown.
47. Forgive those who have hurt me.
48. Keep a journal.
49. Go snow skiing.
50. Tell my story to whomever asks, without apologies.
1. Travel to all 7 continents (3 down after this summer)
2. Set foot in all 50 states
3. Give birth to at least one child
4. Adopt at least one child
5. Live in an historic home (>100 years old)
6. Live outside the United States
7. Backcountry camp
8. Visit all the national parks
9. Start a not for profit
10. Write thank you notes to important people in my life (friends, teachers, relatives)
11. Make a quilt
12. Take my children on an international vacation
13. Go on a spiritual retreat once every five years
14. Spend a day in silence
15. Fast for more than a day
16. Write a book
17. Get published in a professional publication
18. Provide therapy for free
19. Raise an organic garden
20. Plant fruit trees and bushes
21. Visit Greece (AGAIN)
22. Learn another language
23. Tithe
24. Make a large stained glass window
25. Compete in a 5k or a triathlon
26. Read the entire Bible
27. Read a great novel every year
28. Have sex on the beach
29. Own a dog
30. Provide a home for a homeless person
31. Serve in some sort of ministry always
32. Take a road trip with my best friends every couple of years
33. Do something selfless for my husband
34. Create a new tradition for my family
35. Do a gift-free Christmas
36. Raise a cow for meat.
37. Own a goat, and milk it for all it’s worth.
38. Make goat cheese.
39. Slaughter a chicken
40. Raise chickens for their eggs
41. Lose 20 lbs. and keep it off.
42. Breastfeed a child (my own!)
43. Play softball competitively again
44. Coach a kids’ sports team
45. Anonymously pay for someone’s meal at a restaurant
46. Donate something meaningful to my tiny hometown.
47. Forgive those who have hurt me.
48. Keep a journal.
49. Go snow skiing.
50. Tell my story to whomever asks, without apologies.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Tennessee Bound!
I got my first choice, which just so happens to be in Tennessee, in the exact city where we hope to put down roots!
I'm excited, but also very sad, because it's now certain that our life here in Chicago is coming to a close. :( However, I know that moving back has been inevitable and I'm excited about the life we're going to build together there.
Wahoo!
I'm excited, but also very sad, because it's now certain that our life here in Chicago is coming to a close. :( However, I know that moving back has been inevitable and I'm excited about the life we're going to build together there.
Wahoo!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Oh Where Will We Be Living?
This message provides you with your Match result for the APPIC
Internship Matching Program for internship positions beginning
in 2008.
Congratulations! You have been matched to an internship position.
Information on the specific program to which you have been matched
will be available on the Matching Program web site beginning at
10:00 a.m. EST on Monday, February 25, 2008. This information will
also be sent to you by e-mail on Monday morning, February 25, 2008.
Internship Matching Program for internship positions beginning
in 2008.
Congratulations! You have been matched to an internship position.
Information on the specific program to which you have been matched
will be available on the Matching Program web site beginning at
10:00 a.m. EST on Monday, February 25, 2008. This information will
also be sent to you by e-mail on Monday morning, February 25, 2008.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Come on, already!
So, tomorrow is big day #1. It's the day when I find out if I matched to an internship site for next year. It's odd, because there are good things to come, match or not. If I match, fantastic. If I don't, then we're going to travel for much of the next year. The biggest disadvantage would be having to do this process all over again.
After tomorrow, then we sit tight all weekend waiting to hear where I matched on Monday. Boy, do I need to stay busy this weekend. I'm dying already.
After tomorrow, then we sit tight all weekend waiting to hear where I matched on Monday. Boy, do I need to stay busy this weekend. I'm dying already.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Impatient, again. Am I sensing a theme in my life?
This whole internship process just takes SO long. Last spring, about April, I started look at the online database to determine where I would apply. Huge spreadsheets were made with all the contact info, as well as notes on what makes that site appealing.
Fast forward to July, when (during studying for my written comps) I revised my vita and submitted my recommendation letter requests with a tentative list of sites to my department. August was spent further narrowing and refining that list. September, October, and November were spent writing essays, filling out the 20 something page application, gathering transcripts and making psych reports anonymous, and photocopying and more photocopying, and more photocopying followed by spending a pension at the post office.
For much of late November and early December, I waited. Waited to hear about interviews, as I waded through rejections. For one week in December, I did nothing. Then it was off to interviews. I traveled for long expanses of time from December 28th through January 25th. Then, I had about two weeks to obsess with my husband about now we should rank the 10 sites where I interviewed. My neuroses kicked in and I decided that I almost would rather have my second choice rather than my first choice, because then I feel at least I didn't choose it...God, the system, and National Matching Services made my decision for me.
I enter my rank list of 8 of the 10 sites where I did interview, but then just before the deadline switch my number 3 and my number 4. Then February 6th ended, and things were left where they were.
So since that date, I've waited. The waiting killed me when I was wanting to know if I got interviews. Now the waiting is killing me, yet again. I had been pretty damn chill about all of these past few weeks, until some switch in my brain turned over yesterday. Now, I. AM. DYING. TO. KNOW.
So, on Friday, February 22nd, 2008, I will wait to see if I have matched. Then I will live every moment for the next Monday morning, when I find out where!
Then there will be a huge let down, I'm sure.
Fast forward to July, when (during studying for my written comps) I revised my vita and submitted my recommendation letter requests with a tentative list of sites to my department. August was spent further narrowing and refining that list. September, October, and November were spent writing essays, filling out the 20 something page application, gathering transcripts and making psych reports anonymous, and photocopying and more photocopying, and more photocopying followed by spending a pension at the post office.
For much of late November and early December, I waited. Waited to hear about interviews, as I waded through rejections. For one week in December, I did nothing. Then it was off to interviews. I traveled for long expanses of time from December 28th through January 25th. Then, I had about two weeks to obsess with my husband about now we should rank the 10 sites where I interviewed. My neuroses kicked in and I decided that I almost would rather have my second choice rather than my first choice, because then I feel at least I didn't choose it...God, the system, and National Matching Services made my decision for me.
I enter my rank list of 8 of the 10 sites where I did interview, but then just before the deadline switch my number 3 and my number 4. Then February 6th ended, and things were left where they were.
So since that date, I've waited. The waiting killed me when I was wanting to know if I got interviews. Now the waiting is killing me, yet again. I had been pretty damn chill about all of these past few weeks, until some switch in my brain turned over yesterday. Now, I. AM. DYING. TO. KNOW.
So, on Friday, February 22nd, 2008, I will wait to see if I have matched. Then I will live every moment for the next Monday morning, when I find out where!
Then there will be a huge let down, I'm sure.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Glimmers of hope...
It has been a bleak and difficult time lately. I have more to do than humanly possible. There are classes that frustrate and leave me unfulfilled. Difficult and hurtful crappy situations permeate the lives of others whom I love. There are work relationships that make even simple tasks difficult. Clients have crises, push boundaries, or are doing good work that is still hard. My Granny is very very ill (she was in ICU on Monday until Tuesday morning) and in the hospital, while my parents, aunts, and uncles rally around her to combat her illness, unkind and neglectful hospital staff members, and their own struggles with the same brutal stomach flu. I am far away and feel helpless to support all of them.
My mother's church has the rumblings of discontent, some of it directed at her. In 10 days, my husband and I find out the fate of where we will be living next year, and then will have to face the losses associated with wherever we live. Marriage is rewarding but hard, and requires more work than not right now. I struggle with feelings of anxiety and depression amidst and seemingly endless winter that is more brutal and snow filled than I care to deal with.
But today, today was good. I am encouraged by how my family comes together during a time of crisis. How sacrificial and loving they all can be for the sake of a single member or the overall family. That my husband surprised me not only with a dozen roses, but with a card listing 100 reasons why he loves me, real reasons that one could only know after nearly 8 years together. Reasons that are idiosyncratic, intimate, and truthful. For friends who support and listen and laugh and love me, and let me do the same for them. Mentors and supervisors who invest in me and make time for supporting me amidst hard and difficult times. For making progress on dissertation and coming closer to closing a big chapter of my life in a way that feels rewarding and complete.
I am thankful for God, whose grace permeates even the darkest of places and the driest of deserts, and who knows of all types of suffering and sits well with me in it. A God who repeatedly welcomes me back, despite my continual betrayals and affairs. In this season of Lent, I am called to repentance and long long long for the joy of redemption and resurrection.
My mother's church has the rumblings of discontent, some of it directed at her. In 10 days, my husband and I find out the fate of where we will be living next year, and then will have to face the losses associated with wherever we live. Marriage is rewarding but hard, and requires more work than not right now. I struggle with feelings of anxiety and depression amidst and seemingly endless winter that is more brutal and snow filled than I care to deal with.
But today, today was good. I am encouraged by how my family comes together during a time of crisis. How sacrificial and loving they all can be for the sake of a single member or the overall family. That my husband surprised me not only with a dozen roses, but with a card listing 100 reasons why he loves me, real reasons that one could only know after nearly 8 years together. Reasons that are idiosyncratic, intimate, and truthful. For friends who support and listen and laugh and love me, and let me do the same for them. Mentors and supervisors who invest in me and make time for supporting me amidst hard and difficult times. For making progress on dissertation and coming closer to closing a big chapter of my life in a way that feels rewarding and complete.
I am thankful for God, whose grace permeates even the darkest of places and the driest of deserts, and who knows of all types of suffering and sits well with me in it. A God who repeatedly welcomes me back, despite my continual betrayals and affairs. In this season of Lent, I am called to repentance and long long long for the joy of redemption and resurrection.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Destruction, everywhere.
While here in Chicago we're facing crazy snow, friends and family in Tennessee have had a really life altering encounter with the weather.
Macon County in Middle Tennessee, was especially hard hit. Lafayette (luh-Fay-it), TN, home to my close friend and college roommate Christy and her sister Holly, was nearly obliterated. Her parents are fine, but entire portions of the town are gone, and her father and his colleagues who work at the funeral home are inundated and overwhelmed. The death numbers you see on the Internet are actually considerably larger than is being reported right now.
There was a gas plant that was hit by a tornado, resulting in 400 ft flames that were seen for miles. There is no electricity, and a severely damaged infrastructure.
Here are some pictures.
Prayers are appreciated and much needed for all those being negatively impacted by the tornadoes.
In the words of one person from Lafayette:
"But for the grace of God go I..." I am a resident of Macon County. My family home is approx. 6 miles from Columbia Gulf Gas and 4 miles from Akersville road in Lafayette where the most massive destruction occurred. As my children huddled in the pantry, my husband and I watched from the front window as the gas company exploded illuminating the night sky. Through the light from the fire, we were able to see the wall cloud and rotation just above our home. As we took shelter with our children, we were certain that there would be massive destruction. Thank God we were spared. Please remember the families that have lost homes and loved ones. Lafayette is a very small, close knit community filled with wonderful families. A loss of 10 lives here is like losing hundreds of lives in a larger city. The impact of this storm has been devastating and it will take many years to rebuild and many more to heal.
Macon County in Middle Tennessee, was especially hard hit. Lafayette (luh-Fay-it), TN, home to my close friend and college roommate Christy and her sister Holly, was nearly obliterated. Her parents are fine, but entire portions of the town are gone, and her father and his colleagues who work at the funeral home are inundated and overwhelmed. The death numbers you see on the Internet are actually considerably larger than is being reported right now.
There was a gas plant that was hit by a tornado, resulting in 400 ft flames that were seen for miles. There is no electricity, and a severely damaged infrastructure.
Here are some pictures.
Prayers are appreciated and much needed for all those being negatively impacted by the tornadoes.
In the words of one person from Lafayette:
"But for the grace of God go I..." I am a resident of Macon County. My family home is approx. 6 miles from Columbia Gulf Gas and 4 miles from Akersville road in Lafayette where the most massive destruction occurred. As my children huddled in the pantry, my husband and I watched from the front window as the gas company exploded illuminating the night sky. Through the light from the fire, we were able to see the wall cloud and rotation just above our home. As we took shelter with our children, we were certain that there would be massive destruction. Thank God we were spared. Please remember the families that have lost homes and loved ones. Lafayette is a very small, close knit community filled with wonderful families. A loss of 10 lives here is like losing hundreds of lives in a larger city. The impact of this storm has been devastating and it will take many years to rebuild and many more to heal.
I'm gonna be famous.
I got this from one of the staff blogs at my church. I created a CD cover for a new album for my new band based on this random formula. The name of my band is "AJ Suggs" The Album is called "Be Better Than Yourself" and this is the CD cover:
Random CD Cover Rules:
1. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
Random CD Cover Rules:
1. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Curmudgeonly
This is how I'm feeling. When one feels this way the only proper response is to talk about for what I am thankful. These days I feel so negative, jilted, and focused on the negative.
I am thankful:
•For the beautiful roses that I bought for myself sitting on the sideboard. Every time I pass them, I literally stop to see/smell/feel/experience the roses. It’s a fleeting moment of centering that I so need right now.
•The closet in our office is organized and neat.
•The exercise of climbing a hill over and over and over only for the joy of zooming down it on a sled with my husband this evening. The cold body, wet pants, snow in the face, tingling skin feeling of winter fun.
•Having so many good choices about internship that I can say no to some sites, and still feel like next year is a gift, with or without an internship.
•Two cats named Zuzu and Pippin who snuggle in my lap.
•For the opportunity to feed, change, burp, and put a baby to bed this week.
•That I have the luxury of having someone else clean my home during this crazy time in my life.
•For having so many friends whom I love and who love me.
•For a husband who does the taxes. And laundry. And the dishes.
•For new people, old people, happy people, sad people, and all types of people who are in our lives.
•For clients who are discovering themselves and who let me weep, cry, laugh, pray, and walk on this journey with them.
•For rain.
•That I get to study something I absolutely am passionate about.
•I have plenty of food, a warm home, clothing, and books.
•I am beloved.
•Travel.
•A moment’s peace, a family who loves me incompletely but adequately, and an existence that feels purposeful.
•For the words of God, that I have accessible to me, and that can speak regardless of my lack of understanding of theology.
•For my body.
•For faith in the midst of doubt.
•For rest, sleep, and surrender.
I am thankful:
•For the beautiful roses that I bought for myself sitting on the sideboard. Every time I pass them, I literally stop to see/smell/feel/experience the roses. It’s a fleeting moment of centering that I so need right now.
•The closet in our office is organized and neat.
•The exercise of climbing a hill over and over and over only for the joy of zooming down it on a sled with my husband this evening. The cold body, wet pants, snow in the face, tingling skin feeling of winter fun.
•Having so many good choices about internship that I can say no to some sites, and still feel like next year is a gift, with or without an internship.
•Two cats named Zuzu and Pippin who snuggle in my lap.
•For the opportunity to feed, change, burp, and put a baby to bed this week.
•That I have the luxury of having someone else clean my home during this crazy time in my life.
•For having so many friends whom I love and who love me.
•For a husband who does the taxes. And laundry. And the dishes.
•For new people, old people, happy people, sad people, and all types of people who are in our lives.
•For clients who are discovering themselves and who let me weep, cry, laugh, pray, and walk on this journey with them.
•For rain.
•That I get to study something I absolutely am passionate about.
•I have plenty of food, a warm home, clothing, and books.
•I am beloved.
•Travel.
•A moment’s peace, a family who loves me incompletely but adequately, and an existence that feels purposeful.
•For the words of God, that I have accessible to me, and that can speak regardless of my lack of understanding of theology.
•For my body.
•For faith in the midst of doubt.
•For rest, sleep, and surrender.
Monday, January 28, 2008
It's a party. You're not invited.
Streak was inspired by his wife to write a post about who he'd host for his fantasy dinner party. What a great idea. However, all of Streak's guests seem to be living, and I couldn't decide whether to make my party in this life or the next, and it just didn't seem right to mix. So, I would have two parties--one of this world, and one of the next.
My living dinner party:
1.) Carol Gilligan-feminist, ethicist, and psychologist who has been influential in my own thinking. In my imagination she'd keep us all honest, vulnerable, and engaged. I hope she also has spectacular taste in wine, but that's my fantasy.
2.) Keith Olbermann-He's crazy intelligent, has a catalog memory only rivaled by my husband, and would give hubs someone to talk to when he got bored of all the psychology talk. Oh, and if there were a freak accident and my husband spontaneously combusted during dinner, leaving me suddenly widowed, I wouldn't object to a little romance with Keith. (Just ignore those pesky rumors that he's gay.)
3.) Like Streak, I would also invite Anne Lamott. Her writings have been influential to my own bridging of the gap between my faith and art and themes of freedom. Plus, I think that she'd be a spectacular dinner guest, and just a lot of good fun.
4.) Tony Campolo, yet another whole person who would be authentic and genuine, but not afraid to engage, argue, and commiserate. I so admire his work that integrates Evangelical faith with sociology (my first academic love affair).
5.)Karin and Linford from Over the Rhine. These soulful artists who live on a farm named Nowhere, drink wine, and sing songs about "sexy cocktail hour stubble" and "soothsayers," and making a song the president would be spectacular dinner guests. I don't think I could fully enjoy the dinner company of these two without also inviting the McCarty's and their daughter Harper. Every dinner party needs at least one child, and if you're going to have a kid around, she might as well come with some of my favorite people from the blogosphere whom I hope to one day meet. Heck, we gotta invite Streak and his wife, too. Just to make it all complete. I also would like to invite Derek Webb. His music's intersection of faith, social justice, and the political indicate a deep, complicated, faith, but he seems a bit of an introvert so we may have to ply him with a bit of wine before he opens up and performs with Karin and Linford for us.
6.) Frank Schaeffer, son of the late Francis. His recent memoirs, his works of fiction, and his non fiction books on art and faith have been instrumental in my own faith development. Plus, I'd like to meet anyone who will admit to deserving a nickname like "the little shit from Switzerland," helping found the religious right and regretting it, and who can write in what seems such an honest and healthy way about his family and his history.
I envision a tipsy Derek, angry Olbermann and impassioned Campolo arguing while Anne Lamott grills Franky over the sins of his family while praising Jesus between fbombs. In the meantime, Karin and Linford have broken out the guitar, Harper has drawn us all pictures of the Yellow Brick Road, Kristen is attending to Tony's somewhat elevated blood pressure that is making him dizzy while giving her opinions to Gilligan about how Christianity isn't inherently patriarchal, while Micah calls Wendell Berry on the phone to tell him he's gotta get over here, and Streak and the husband keep reminding us all of that annoying thing called historical context. ;)
As for my other worldly dinner party:
1.) Pope Gregory the Great, one of the first brilliant minds of pastoral care. I think he'd have a lot to talk about if I asked the right questions.
2.) My maternal Great Grandfather. He made millions in the textile business and lost by caring for and trusting others too much. He's the only man my mother ever mentions being formative to her life, and everyone who ever met him seems to remember him fondly. I never got that privilege. I'd throw my hard living, train hoboing, hitchiking Great Uncle Dub in here, too.
3.)Madeline L' Engle. I could spend the entire evening just talking about her character Meg Murray and what I can learn about being a woman of faith from that one fictional character alone.
4.)Chaim Potok, great Jewish writer. His writings are some of the best fiction I've ever read, and he seems to understand faith in a way that eludes me.
5.)Jesus. Isn't this one obvious? Why the heck not, if given the opportunity.
6.) A round robin of women from the Bible. Esther, Jael, Rahab, Mary, Elizabeth, etc. etc. I want to hear their story and their experience as told by them, outside of the patriarchal context of the Scriptures.
If you bring some good wine and some good food, I just might invite you, too.
My living dinner party:
1.) Carol Gilligan-feminist, ethicist, and psychologist who has been influential in my own thinking. In my imagination she'd keep us all honest, vulnerable, and engaged. I hope she also has spectacular taste in wine, but that's my fantasy.
2.) Keith Olbermann-He's crazy intelligent, has a catalog memory only rivaled by my husband, and would give hubs someone to talk to when he got bored of all the psychology talk. Oh, and if there were a freak accident and my husband spontaneously combusted during dinner, leaving me suddenly widowed, I wouldn't object to a little romance with Keith. (Just ignore those pesky rumors that he's gay.)
3.) Like Streak, I would also invite Anne Lamott. Her writings have been influential to my own bridging of the gap between my faith and art and themes of freedom. Plus, I think that she'd be a spectacular dinner guest, and just a lot of good fun.
4.) Tony Campolo, yet another whole person who would be authentic and genuine, but not afraid to engage, argue, and commiserate. I so admire his work that integrates Evangelical faith with sociology (my first academic love affair).
5.)Karin and Linford from Over the Rhine. These soulful artists who live on a farm named Nowhere, drink wine, and sing songs about "sexy cocktail hour stubble" and "soothsayers," and making a song the president would be spectacular dinner guests. I don't think I could fully enjoy the dinner company of these two without also inviting the McCarty's and their daughter Harper. Every dinner party needs at least one child, and if you're going to have a kid around, she might as well come with some of my favorite people from the blogosphere whom I hope to one day meet. Heck, we gotta invite Streak and his wife, too. Just to make it all complete. I also would like to invite Derek Webb. His music's intersection of faith, social justice, and the political indicate a deep, complicated, faith, but he seems a bit of an introvert so we may have to ply him with a bit of wine before he opens up and performs with Karin and Linford for us.
6.) Frank Schaeffer, son of the late Francis. His recent memoirs, his works of fiction, and his non fiction books on art and faith have been instrumental in my own faith development. Plus, I'd like to meet anyone who will admit to deserving a nickname like "the little shit from Switzerland," helping found the religious right and regretting it, and who can write in what seems such an honest and healthy way about his family and his history.
I envision a tipsy Derek, angry Olbermann and impassioned Campolo arguing while Anne Lamott grills Franky over the sins of his family while praising Jesus between fbombs. In the meantime, Karin and Linford have broken out the guitar, Harper has drawn us all pictures of the Yellow Brick Road, Kristen is attending to Tony's somewhat elevated blood pressure that is making him dizzy while giving her opinions to Gilligan about how Christianity isn't inherently patriarchal, while Micah calls Wendell Berry on the phone to tell him he's gotta get over here, and Streak and the husband keep reminding us all of that annoying thing called historical context. ;)
As for my other worldly dinner party:
1.) Pope Gregory the Great, one of the first brilliant minds of pastoral care. I think he'd have a lot to talk about if I asked the right questions.
2.) My maternal Great Grandfather. He made millions in the textile business and lost by caring for and trusting others too much. He's the only man my mother ever mentions being formative to her life, and everyone who ever met him seems to remember him fondly. I never got that privilege. I'd throw my hard living, train hoboing, hitchiking Great Uncle Dub in here, too.
3.)Madeline L' Engle. I could spend the entire evening just talking about her character Meg Murray and what I can learn about being a woman of faith from that one fictional character alone.
4.)Chaim Potok, great Jewish writer. His writings are some of the best fiction I've ever read, and he seems to understand faith in a way that eludes me.
5.)Jesus. Isn't this one obvious? Why the heck not, if given the opportunity.
6.) A round robin of women from the Bible. Esther, Jael, Rahab, Mary, Elizabeth, etc. etc. I want to hear their story and their experience as told by them, outside of the patriarchal context of the Scriptures.
If you bring some good wine and some good food, I just might invite you, too.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
We don't all have the same starting line...
I found this at a new blog that I'm reading as suggested to me by Google Reader. Bold the items that are true.
1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18 (I had dance lessons, piano lessons, swimming lessons, etc. My parents were all about the learnin')
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family
1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18 (I had dance lessons, piano lessons, swimming lessons, etc. My parents were all about the learnin')
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family
Monday, January 14, 2008
Interveiw Update
Since we last talked, I have had mucho more interviews. The process itself is quite overwhelming. There have been sites that I have fallen in love with, but that don't quite offer the training experieces/supervision/job opportunities/etc. that I want. There are others that seem a perfect fit but that are in a location that holds no appeal to me. Some offer training and supervision that almost feel too comfortable and too much exactly like what I have been doing in my traning thus far. Others pay only enough to not starve. And some are in really really really really cold locations. Others are in really really really hot locations. How do you put all of that into a matrix and make an informed ranking decision?
I don't want to go site by site through my interviews anymore, mainly because that's not what's going to be helpful to anyone who really wonders about this process, and it frankly exposes a bit too much of my hand to anyone who just stumbles upon my life as I report it here. So here are my tips...
*Spend about an hour before the interview the night or morning before rereading your essays and the program materials for that site. Ask yourself what questions do you have? What rotations do you see yourself in? Why do you want to be at this site?
*Do not memorize answers to those questions that are floating around that you might be asked. Do think about them, plan for them, and expect them to be asked. But, do not become a robot with memorized and recalled answers. You're a clinician, a therapist. Use your gut sense of who is interviewing you to respond with the best and most relevant things that you want to say.
*When asked about what you're passionate about outside of psychology or the profession, be honest. Don't use this as an opportunity to promote yourself or the work you did in this or that campus organization, ministry, etc. That's arrogant. Genuinely say that you love to hike, or travel, or watch movies, or to shamelessly dote on your doberman. They want to know you're a person with a life that's not all about achievement or your work.
*Be able to talk about your mission and vision beyond what role this internship site might play in that process. You're not telling the truth and they're not believing that your whole life you've been waiting to work in that site doing exactly what they're doing there. It might be a great fit, but what bigger reasons make it a great fit?
*If a fellow applicant/current intern/interviewer acts unprofessionally, do no return it tit for tat. If they curse, you don't. If they talk about someone or some place negatively, do not sink to that level. Just give an "Oh really?" response and try to move on.
*Look around at the interns that are there currently. Do you fit well with them? Would these be people that you would enjoy working with? Look around at the applicants around you. These are the other people with whom you might work. Could you see yourself with them? If the answer is no to most of them, this might not be a good fit.
*Do not bash your training program. Think long and hard about what weaknesses you will discuss, because you will be asked that question.
*Do not talk about other interviews, other sites, or ask other applicants about other sites. Unless you're utterly alone without any professionals from that site around, it's going to put someone on the spot, and that person may not want to disclose that they got 1 interview, or 10, or that site in that state sucked or was fantastic.
*Wear a suit. Don't wear sequins. Be friendly to others, talk and have fun.
I don't want to go site by site through my interviews anymore, mainly because that's not what's going to be helpful to anyone who really wonders about this process, and it frankly exposes a bit too much of my hand to anyone who just stumbles upon my life as I report it here. So here are my tips...
*Spend about an hour before the interview the night or morning before rereading your essays and the program materials for that site. Ask yourself what questions do you have? What rotations do you see yourself in? Why do you want to be at this site?
*Do not memorize answers to those questions that are floating around that you might be asked. Do think about them, plan for them, and expect them to be asked. But, do not become a robot with memorized and recalled answers. You're a clinician, a therapist. Use your gut sense of who is interviewing you to respond with the best and most relevant things that you want to say.
*When asked about what you're passionate about outside of psychology or the profession, be honest. Don't use this as an opportunity to promote yourself or the work you did in this or that campus organization, ministry, etc. That's arrogant. Genuinely say that you love to hike, or travel, or watch movies, or to shamelessly dote on your doberman. They want to know you're a person with a life that's not all about achievement or your work.
*Be able to talk about your mission and vision beyond what role this internship site might play in that process. You're not telling the truth and they're not believing that your whole life you've been waiting to work in that site doing exactly what they're doing there. It might be a great fit, but what bigger reasons make it a great fit?
*If a fellow applicant/current intern/interviewer acts unprofessionally, do no return it tit for tat. If they curse, you don't. If they talk about someone or some place negatively, do not sink to that level. Just give an "Oh really?" response and try to move on.
*Look around at the interns that are there currently. Do you fit well with them? Would these be people that you would enjoy working with? Look around at the applicants around you. These are the other people with whom you might work. Could you see yourself with them? If the answer is no to most of them, this might not be a good fit.
*Do not bash your training program. Think long and hard about what weaknesses you will discuss, because you will be asked that question.
*Do not talk about other interviews, other sites, or ask other applicants about other sites. Unless you're utterly alone without any professionals from that site around, it's going to put someone on the spot, and that person may not want to disclose that they got 1 interview, or 10, or that site in that state sucked or was fantastic.
*Wear a suit. Don't wear sequins. Be friendly to others, talk and have fun.
Stuck up, pretentious, and difficult.
On my round robin of interviews, I have been away from home since December 28th, with only a one day stopover. I finally returned home last night, and today it's back to the full semested grind. During my travels I have met some really wonderful professionals and fellow applicants who made my experiences enjoyable, informative, and energizing. On the other hand, I have had some bizarre and odd encounters that made me wonder if I am all the things that I titled this post. A sampling:
*An applicant who wore a sequined top to interviews. A handful of people who did not wear a suit to the interviews.
*An applicant in a gray skirt suit and knee boots at an interview at a psychodynamically oriented site.
*An applicant who fell asleep and snored on a drive out to a remote office at one site.
*The same applicant did not wear a suit, criticized the meal we were offered, and called vegetarians "weird" in casual conversation.
*Taken to lunch by a site with current interns and another applicant where separate checks were requested and we had to pay for our own meals.
*Been told many, many times "I haven't had time to read your (30+ page required) application, so tell me what's important from it."
*In one interview with a training director, "Wait, I want to grab my cigarettes, so I can grab a smoke break when I walk you back."
*Been asked, "So, how many interviews do you have?" by internship faculty in front of the people who will be ranking me.
*Been told by a chief psychologist that "I stop and ask about Lois the office worker's hip, not because I care, but because it makes her a better worker."
And that is a mere sampling of the unprofessional behavior that I have encountered. I'm beginning to think that I might just be too uptight. Are these behaviors not as inappropriate as I think they are?
*An applicant who wore a sequined top to interviews. A handful of people who did not wear a suit to the interviews.
*An applicant in a gray skirt suit and knee boots at an interview at a psychodynamically oriented site.
*An applicant who fell asleep and snored on a drive out to a remote office at one site.
*The same applicant did not wear a suit, criticized the meal we were offered, and called vegetarians "weird" in casual conversation.
*Taken to lunch by a site with current interns and another applicant where separate checks were requested and we had to pay for our own meals.
*Been told many, many times "I haven't had time to read your (30+ page required) application, so tell me what's important from it."
*In one interview with a training director, "Wait, I want to grab my cigarettes, so I can grab a smoke break when I walk you back."
*Been asked, "So, how many interviews do you have?" by internship faculty in front of the people who will be ranking me.
*Been told by a chief psychologist that "I stop and ask about Lois the office worker's hip, not because I care, but because it makes her a better worker."
And that is a mere sampling of the unprofessional behavior that I have encountered. I'm beginning to think that I might just be too uptight. Are these behaviors not as inappropriate as I think they are?
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Who, who are you?
Take one extended family, add a birthday surprise party for parents, throw in a healthy serving of interviews, and move repeatedly from one home to the other. While waiting to learn where you will spend the next year of your life, gently fold in time with the inlaws, multiple hour drives, and be away from home for two weeks. Let sit, and you get pure exhaustion.
It has been wonderful to be back in the area I consider “home.” Hubs and I were able to go to the church plant that we hope to one-day call a church home. I spent lazy moments with my brother and his wife, enjoyed early morning views of the mountains, and saw all my grandparents. I also had some great dinners with a good friend. I wish I could move all of the people I love into the same geographical place. But then again, that might undo some of the reasons I find them all so charming, enjoyable, and life giving.
So far, I’ve had two interviews. One was in a southern state in a rural town, a consortium of a residential children’s home, a state hospital, and a community mental health site. The facility was drab, and the people were kind. However, I found the professionalism of the candidates and the site staff to be lacking. I am all for warm, but I found them overly casual. I left the interview wondering if I had misjudged what I could expect from an internship site. I learned more from what questions they did not ask rather than from the questions that they did. The thought of training at that site, living in that town, and working with those people, well it was merely tolerable or doable. To be frank, I was feeling disappointed with the quality of the other applicants. Two of the five were from a distributed learning school.
Distributed learning? While these applicants are likely intelligent and capable, I do not feel comfortable with APA’s recent accreditation of correspondence programs. I just do not see how the 3 to 5 years I spent with mentors, living and being with people who I both loved and didn’t love so much, and having a faculty of one mind evaluate my growth as a clinical professional could be paralleled by submitting my papers online and engaging in online discussion and critique. One applicant even said, “Well, the bad part is that other people can see your work and critique it, because we submit all of our assignments to the entire group.” To me, the ability to give and receive feedback is instrumental to being an empathic and effective person AND professional.
The second site is a community mental health site that does traditional therapy, primary care consulting (a new skill area for me), and some day treatment for the persistently and severely mentally ill. I really liked this site. First, the level of professionalism was evident, yet the people were warm. So often, professionals who work long term in such agencies or settings are unhappy, burnt out, cynical and jaded. But these were fresh faced people who genuinely enjoyed their work, who wanted to know me. They knew my application, remembering where I had worked, with whom I had worked, and where I was from. The other site’s professionals were glancing through it as I walked into the interview and knew very little about me.
It was so refreshing to hear from a site that turns no one away due to lack of payment, whose eyes shine bright at discussing their desire for all employees to have a calling beyond the agency where they work, and for high quality training as a way of giving back to the profession. This site will be high on my list. The other applicants were appropriately professional, and you could tell that this group of individuals were well informed about how to be genuine but respectful of the professional setting.
So, I’m tired, but I keep on trucking. I leave tomorrow evening for another interview in a rural area Monday morning, and yet another on Tuesday morning near Nashville. Then I get to fly back home for one day of rest. I can’t wait to see my husband, sleep in my own bed, and kiss my kitties.
It has been wonderful to be back in the area I consider “home.” Hubs and I were able to go to the church plant that we hope to one-day call a church home. I spent lazy moments with my brother and his wife, enjoyed early morning views of the mountains, and saw all my grandparents. I also had some great dinners with a good friend. I wish I could move all of the people I love into the same geographical place. But then again, that might undo some of the reasons I find them all so charming, enjoyable, and life giving.
So far, I’ve had two interviews. One was in a southern state in a rural town, a consortium of a residential children’s home, a state hospital, and a community mental health site. The facility was drab, and the people were kind. However, I found the professionalism of the candidates and the site staff to be lacking. I am all for warm, but I found them overly casual. I left the interview wondering if I had misjudged what I could expect from an internship site. I learned more from what questions they did not ask rather than from the questions that they did. The thought of training at that site, living in that town, and working with those people, well it was merely tolerable or doable. To be frank, I was feeling disappointed with the quality of the other applicants. Two of the five were from a distributed learning school.
Distributed learning? While these applicants are likely intelligent and capable, I do not feel comfortable with APA’s recent accreditation of correspondence programs. I just do not see how the 3 to 5 years I spent with mentors, living and being with people who I both loved and didn’t love so much, and having a faculty of one mind evaluate my growth as a clinical professional could be paralleled by submitting my papers online and engaging in online discussion and critique. One applicant even said, “Well, the bad part is that other people can see your work and critique it, because we submit all of our assignments to the entire group.” To me, the ability to give and receive feedback is instrumental to being an empathic and effective person AND professional.
The second site is a community mental health site that does traditional therapy, primary care consulting (a new skill area for me), and some day treatment for the persistently and severely mentally ill. I really liked this site. First, the level of professionalism was evident, yet the people were warm. So often, professionals who work long term in such agencies or settings are unhappy, burnt out, cynical and jaded. But these were fresh faced people who genuinely enjoyed their work, who wanted to know me. They knew my application, remembering where I had worked, with whom I had worked, and where I was from. The other site’s professionals were glancing through it as I walked into the interview and knew very little about me.
It was so refreshing to hear from a site that turns no one away due to lack of payment, whose eyes shine bright at discussing their desire for all employees to have a calling beyond the agency where they work, and for high quality training as a way of giving back to the profession. This site will be high on my list. The other applicants were appropriately professional, and you could tell that this group of individuals were well informed about how to be genuine but respectful of the professional setting.
So, I’m tired, but I keep on trucking. I leave tomorrow evening for another interview in a rural area Monday morning, and yet another on Tuesday morning near Nashville. Then I get to fly back home for one day of rest. I can’t wait to see my husband, sleep in my own bed, and kiss my kitties.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Trying to Pack
Do you know how much crap you have to pack when you have 4 days of back to back internship interviews, a New Year's Eve party, random hanging out with family and friends (that may include going for a night out at a club with your best friend to doing things around the house or an impromptu walk, hike, or something dirty), bring all of your Christmas gifts for family, plus the books, music, and movies that you want to trade in at your favorite used bookstore?
A LOT.
Grr, still packing. 12 days, 4 interviews, 1 party, and lots of other events.
A LOT.
Grr, still packing. 12 days, 4 interviews, 1 party, and lots of other events.
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