I thought I'd share with ya'll. Click on the photo to see the entire Flickr group:
Friday, February 23, 2007
Country Roads take me Home
My husband assures me that it's soley because I am a freak of nature, but looking at certain pictures makes my heart feel as if it's going to explode (in a good way). For my practicum site, an organization seeking to train clinicians for rural practice, we are supposed to rustle up some photos of our hometowns. I did that last night and this morning, and I just got all giddy inside. I glance at a million and one pictures like these (especially the mountain ones) and don't even notice the beauty because all of my life I have been immersed in these luscious mountains, streams, and forests.
I thought I'd share with ya'll. Click on the photo to see the entire Flickr group:
I thought I'd share with ya'll. Click on the photo to see the entire Flickr group:
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Falling down.
I had a clerkship interview today. Clerkship is that elusive (last!) year of clinical practice as a student where you don't pay tuition money to work for someone anymore. Well, and you're supposed to get paid. But, there are very few sites that do pay. So, today I was going to interview for a job where I don't actually have to pay to work there, but where I'm not quite getting paid.
The day was beautiful. All the snow was melting in the noontime sun. Rivulets of water ran across the sidewalks all over the campus. I was walking happily along, feeling a bit like an adult in my chocolate brown pencil skirt, black pumps, and black button down shirt. And a moment later, I was sprawled out on all fours in the middle of a sidewalk, having walked over what was ICE on this warm day. Falling down on your way to a job interview and scraping your knee is the perfect way to transport yourself back to kindergarten. Thankfully, I didn't tear my tights nor did I break anything. Oh, and the interview went well, I believe.
Keeping my fingers crossed...
The day was beautiful. All the snow was melting in the noontime sun. Rivulets of water ran across the sidewalks all over the campus. I was walking happily along, feeling a bit like an adult in my chocolate brown pencil skirt, black pumps, and black button down shirt. And a moment later, I was sprawled out on all fours in the middle of a sidewalk, having walked over what was ICE on this warm day. Falling down on your way to a job interview and scraping your knee is the perfect way to transport yourself back to kindergarten. Thankfully, I didn't tear my tights nor did I break anything. Oh, and the interview went well, I believe.
Keeping my fingers crossed...
Monday, February 19, 2007
The weekend that we were in Knoxville for the launch of Crossings, our church here in Chicagoland did this video. I miss the one Sunday where they take one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artists on one of the most important topics. Geez, good thing I feel so great about having been at crossings. Check it out.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Vocare: To Call
Yesterday, I had the blessing of working together with one of my closest friends at Panera Bread. It is blessing enough in itself to have a friend with whom you can be fully yourself, and she can do the same. Everyone needs one or two of the type of friends who will sit with you in a coffee shop, lap top in tow, and work alongside you just because they like your company.
I felt especially blessed because we discussed our callings. I disclosed to my friend that in the past year, God has had several people whom I trust deeply each affirm a specific calling in my life, independently without knowledge of the others. It's one of those things as Christians you would think that we would shout from the rooftops. But I haven't, the number of people I've told include my husband, my mother, and one other friend.
"Why?" you may ask. Well, as my mom jokingly said, you can understand how it makes me feel a little like Pat Robertson claiming that the world is going to end on Wednesday. So, I whisper what I have been told only to those who I know will not doubt it. I hedge it with "Well, we'll see if that happens..." and "Oh, I don't know.." I worry that my whispering offends God. It's actually unusual for me to be secretive about anything. I've always marvelled at mysterious people who live their life internally, such as my brother or my husband. Those mysterious, internal people attract me like a bug to a light on a summer night.
And when I undertook this sort of confession, my friend confessed to me her own calling, its development, and the sources of her own doubt. To me, the calling she speaks of seems so clearly fitted to her. It's so much easier to see in others their gifts and God's work in their lives than it is to do so about ourselves, in our own foggy minds and sense of self.
I always have had difficulty hearing the small still voice of God. I most often learn about God through other people. That's why I so strongly believe in the value of the priesthood of believers as a community. Aside from the fact that it's scriptural and historical, I know it and I've experienced it.
It saddens me that my friend and I, two passionate, strong, loving women of faith, whisper our callings in small conversations with each other. While such interactions are important and powerful, why do we hesitate to announce this powerful work of God in our lives? In our cases, I think some of it has to do with gender. In our conservative evangelical tradition, we have each experienced the invalidation of our gifts and callings purely because of our gender at times, in ways that wound and hurt. But, I think we're struggling with more than that.
There come all the doubts, the fears, the Moses-like feelings of, "Who? me? God, I think I'm going to horribly disappoint you." There's also the sacrifices that I must make, having had parents who were involved prominently in our community, I know the struggles that come with parents that are watched. Some of my hesitation stems from the fact that it's hard to reclaim a dream that you have let go. When a dream is deferred, you mourn its loss, feel the grief, and have to let it go. Similar to how the followers of Jesus had to reconfigure and evaluate their entire existence when he rose from the dead, when a dream rises from the dead you have to tear down all the new ones that you've built in order to embrace the old one. The overwhelming joy is mixed with a sense confusion and disbelief. It's a gift for your birthday, 5 months and 14 days after the date...it makes no sense, but you're unbelievably grateful.
A Dream Deferred
~Langston Hughes~
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
I felt especially blessed because we discussed our callings. I disclosed to my friend that in the past year, God has had several people whom I trust deeply each affirm a specific calling in my life, independently without knowledge of the others. It's one of those things as Christians you would think that we would shout from the rooftops. But I haven't, the number of people I've told include my husband, my mother, and one other friend.
"Why?" you may ask. Well, as my mom jokingly said, you can understand how it makes me feel a little like Pat Robertson claiming that the world is going to end on Wednesday. So, I whisper what I have been told only to those who I know will not doubt it. I hedge it with "Well, we'll see if that happens..." and "Oh, I don't know.." I worry that my whispering offends God. It's actually unusual for me to be secretive about anything. I've always marvelled at mysterious people who live their life internally, such as my brother or my husband. Those mysterious, internal people attract me like a bug to a light on a summer night.
And when I undertook this sort of confession, my friend confessed to me her own calling, its development, and the sources of her own doubt. To me, the calling she speaks of seems so clearly fitted to her. It's so much easier to see in others their gifts and God's work in their lives than it is to do so about ourselves, in our own foggy minds and sense of self.
I always have had difficulty hearing the small still voice of God. I most often learn about God through other people. That's why I so strongly believe in the value of the priesthood of believers as a community. Aside from the fact that it's scriptural and historical, I know it and I've experienced it.
It saddens me that my friend and I, two passionate, strong, loving women of faith, whisper our callings in small conversations with each other. While such interactions are important and powerful, why do we hesitate to announce this powerful work of God in our lives? In our cases, I think some of it has to do with gender. In our conservative evangelical tradition, we have each experienced the invalidation of our gifts and callings purely because of our gender at times, in ways that wound and hurt. But, I think we're struggling with more than that.
There come all the doubts, the fears, the Moses-like feelings of, "Who? me? God, I think I'm going to horribly disappoint you." There's also the sacrifices that I must make, having had parents who were involved prominently in our community, I know the struggles that come with parents that are watched. Some of my hesitation stems from the fact that it's hard to reclaim a dream that you have let go. When a dream is deferred, you mourn its loss, feel the grief, and have to let it go. Similar to how the followers of Jesus had to reconfigure and evaluate their entire existence when he rose from the dead, when a dream rises from the dead you have to tear down all the new ones that you've built in order to embrace the old one. The overwhelming joy is mixed with a sense confusion and disbelief. It's a gift for your birthday, 5 months and 14 days after the date...it makes no sense, but you're unbelievably grateful.
A Dream Deferred
~Langston Hughes~
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Just a Normal Person
Somedays, I am just a normal person. Not a graduate student, not a therapist, not a teaching assistant...just a human trying to get by. Today was one of those days, if we ignore the 7 hours that I spent at Panera Bread working on my theoretical orientation for my professional qualifying exams. But, it's not outside of normal that someone might work at Panera with a friend on a Saturday to get some things done. So we'll just pretend I was working on something a little more "normal." Like taxes, or the next chapter of my best selling novel. HA!
Anyway, I had some observations today:
1.) If you chew with your mouth open and literally slurp your pizza-like dinner so loudly that it makes my (awesome cool girl) friend and I break out in giggles 15 feet away...you have a problem. Perhaps a serious one. Come on...really...surely you must be aware that you slurp solid foods so loudly that no one can enjoy eating, working, talking, or even being near you at Panera.
2.) Mother's have difficulty hiding what they are thinking. My mom, bless her heart, sounded suspicious on the phone tonight because while I went shopping (for clothes! that fit!), my husband wisely spared himself from such horrors. He, instead, went to a movie......gasp! Without me. Will someone please send my mom a post card that our marriage is better than ever...probably because I no longer feel the need to bring my husband clothes shopping.
3.) Forth and Towne is the best new shopping experience known to woman. They give you free bottled water. And bring you sizes! And have good lighting and mirrors! And they put things on sale! And Clinton and Stacy from What Not to Wear totally need to give me $5000 to spend on clothes. I dress like a sloppy overworked grad student because I have the budget of a sloppy overworked graduate student. And because I hate to iron.
4.) Of our two cats, Pippin is a jerk! At Ikea I bought a dining room rug ($40! A rug! It's new! And beautiful!) The moment I unwrapped it, he claimed it, rolling around on it, chasing Zuzu away from getting near the full 12 square feet of space available on the rug. As if his butt needs all that room! Then..then! I had bought this little kitty pop up tent ($5! Endless distraction while the cats act stupid!) for the cats to hang out in (hey, I shop like....never) and he won't let Zuzu in it either. I need to send my boy to therapy or something. Does the dog whisperer take on feline cases?
5.) Speaking of Forth and Towne, I finally found jeans that fit me great! (Tonight! is the night! of the exclamation point!) The curvy stretch jean in size INSERT LARGE NUMBER HERE A. See,cut R is for all you regular folks with legs like giraffes. And cut A is for those of us with midget legs on an otherwise normal body. Like me. It's not a petite, which is cut for true little people. Nope, I'm a normal 5'6" height person with shrunken legs. Think Bart Simpson, all body and stubby limbs. On sale, they were a price that will be worth it if I sleep in them, wear them to work, school, and all formal occasions.
6.)Tired of snow. Tired, tired, tired of this snow. Cold, wet, snow. Tired of the dirty shoes, the wet pants, and the snow.
Anyway, I had some observations today:
1.) If you chew with your mouth open and literally slurp your pizza-like dinner so loudly that it makes my (awesome cool girl) friend and I break out in giggles 15 feet away...you have a problem. Perhaps a serious one. Come on...really...surely you must be aware that you slurp solid foods so loudly that no one can enjoy eating, working, talking, or even being near you at Panera.
2.) Mother's have difficulty hiding what they are thinking. My mom, bless her heart, sounded suspicious on the phone tonight because while I went shopping (for clothes! that fit!), my husband wisely spared himself from such horrors. He, instead, went to a movie......gasp! Without me. Will someone please send my mom a post card that our marriage is better than ever...probably because I no longer feel the need to bring my husband clothes shopping.
3.) Forth and Towne is the best new shopping experience known to woman. They give you free bottled water. And bring you sizes! And have good lighting and mirrors! And they put things on sale! And Clinton and Stacy from What Not to Wear totally need to give me $5000 to spend on clothes. I dress like a sloppy overworked grad student because I have the budget of a sloppy overworked graduate student. And because I hate to iron.
4.) Of our two cats, Pippin is a jerk! At Ikea I bought a dining room rug ($40! A rug! It's new! And beautiful!) The moment I unwrapped it, he claimed it, rolling around on it, chasing Zuzu away from getting near the full 12 square feet of space available on the rug. As if his butt needs all that room! Then..then! I had bought this little kitty pop up tent ($5! Endless distraction while the cats act stupid!) for the cats to hang out in (hey, I shop like....never) and he won't let Zuzu in it either. I need to send my boy to therapy or something. Does the dog whisperer take on feline cases?
5.) Speaking of Forth and Towne, I finally found jeans that fit me great! (Tonight! is the night! of the exclamation point!) The curvy stretch jean in size INSERT LARGE NUMBER HERE A. See,cut R is for all you regular folks with legs like giraffes. And cut A is for those of us with midget legs on an otherwise normal body. Like me. It's not a petite, which is cut for true little people. Nope, I'm a normal 5'6" height person with shrunken legs. Think Bart Simpson, all body and stubby limbs. On sale, they were a price that will be worth it if I sleep in them, wear them to work, school, and all formal occasions.
6.)Tired of snow. Tired, tired, tired of this snow. Cold, wet, snow. Tired of the dirty shoes, the wet pants, and the snow.
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