It's Been Awhile...

Wow, I left my blog on a down note and went away for awhile. That's no good. So here's an update. I have 9 internship interviews in five different states and Canada. I have interviews at really awesome sites. However, I applied to 18 sites, so that means 9 sites weren't enticed by me. Predominantly college counseling centers and the uber competitive hospitals or community mental health sites in humongous cities. Oh, well, someone else will have to enjoy my awesomey goodness. All in all, 50% is a really high return rate for interviews, so I'm satisfied.

The next three weeks are jam packed, with a New Year's Eve 50th birthday party for my parents that I am hosting with my brother, an interview tour of the Southeast, an interview tour of the Midwest, a trip to Canada for another interview, and this semester I also have a full load of classes, a dissertation to finish, and a life to live. I try not to think about possibly having to leave my friends. I love them so.

The past two days have been spent organizing and cleaning. It makes me happy, and my husband cranky. He sees no point when there are Gameboy Advance games to be played, XFiles Season 7 to watch, and new sweat pants to wear.

I have packing and such to do, so I'm off. I don't know how much time I'll have to post, but I will do my best to keep you updated on what it's like to go through interviews. Let's see how well I manage the transition between very rural sites and major metropolitan ones. Should be interesting.

Relaxing weekend..

After the stress of internship applications, and now my just sitting and waiting to hear from sites (or not), Saturday and Sunday were days of relaxation.

Hubs and I headed into the city. We enjoyed the Christkindl Market, a German Christmas market. We then headed over to Macy's (formerly Marshall Field's) and saw the Christmas tree and decorations. There, we spent some time on the FAO Schwarz floor, where Hubs fell in love with a life-size 1200 dollar plush moose.

We watched the ice skaters in Millenium Park, and then ate dinner in Lincoln Park at a hole in the wall with the best pork bbq sandwich I have ever tasted (that's saying a lot for a TN girl). We watched an amazing show at the Old Towne School of Folk Music by Over the Rhine. We caught the 10pm show, the second of 2 for that evening. Complete with a double encore. Karen and Linford (who I always want to call Linwood) performed with a drummer and stand up bass. The drummer was outstanding, the whole show was spectacular. Even the opening act inspired me. His name was (and probably still is) Griffin House, which sounds like a campus-owned apartment complex more than a person's name. Regardless, he was also top notch.

Today, we grabbed some late breakfast at the Corner Bakery near Dearborn and Randolph, and then we headed to Borders to kill time before heading to the train. We then won 4th row tickets to see Wicked's matinee show (you win the privelege to purchase tickets for $25 instead of the usual $100 plus). We watched Wicked, scored an extra ticket that we were able to convince a friend to drive into the city to take in the show with us. Then, we didn't have to wait on the train because our friend drove us home.


Wicked! Bratwurst! Over the Rhine! BBQ Pork! Moose! Ahhh! I've never had a weekend be as fulfilling as I had hoped. This one truly was.

No more 'Made in China'

If we had to, could our country live without Chinese made goods. One family tried. See their story here.

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Random Insanity

I am about 250 pages into the last installment of the Harry Potter series. That's not so bad, considering I had a guest over the weekend, my comprehensive exams before that, and that I'm busy finishing up my (hopefully!) final draft of my dissertation proposal.

But, I've had several near misses.

WGN news on in the living room, while I am brushing teeth and what not. They started talking about the ending of the book. I stuck my fingers in my ears and sang out loud until the segment was over. The cats think I'm nuttier than they are.

Very annoying, self-entitled man having a loud cell phone conversation in Ogilvie Train Station in the city. We missed the train by 10 seconds, literally. Sigh. But, the man starts talking about the Malfoys and such and I about lose it. I ask him to please talk less loudly or to not talk about that. He acts all put out, so we leave the waiting area to find a safer place to wait.

Today, Panera Bread. Working on the dissertation, because I can't make myself work at home with the computer(s), the TV, the book in question, 2 cats, and free food to distract me. Two young women sit down and start discussing loudly the book. Loudly. Did I say loudly? I stick my fingers in my ears, afraid to move or to interrupt them because I might hear something other than random snatches of Harry, and something about someone getting married, and some celebrity gossip thrown in for good measure. Finally, someone interrupts to share their love of the book. I speak up and ask for agreed upon moratorium on discussing the novel. All agree. Probably because these teenagers see me as old. That, and I had 3 allies who supported my request...a very intimidating looking group of nurses.

Also, this guy is wearing a shirt that says in BIG BOLD LETTERS..."EFFORT UNDER GRACE." Because Tshirt theology is veracious and effective, I'm sure.

Beloved

This weekend, my husband and I were back in Tennessee for the launch service of Crossings, a faith community. I have talked before about how we came to be involved in this church.

Worshipping was an amazing experience, mainly because I had a keen awareness of being a part of something God is doing. The absurdity that in the entire Chicagoland area we would find our current church, and then that that church would deviate from their typical church planting philosophy to entertain the idea of a church in Knoxville, and that we would be here during that time. Well, I said it, it's ABSURD! However, if I have learned anything, it's that God delights in the absurdly creative. His ways are not my own.

I have spent a fair amount of time these last 5 years feeling angry and disaffected from the Church, confused and disturbingly grieved about many failures of Christianity, Christians, the Church, and several local congregations. Not to mention the wrestling that I was doing with God. He and I had quite a few tussles. There is not enough space on the Internets or paper and ink in the world to record the lessons that God has taught me about God and about myself in the past few years. I have tried God in every way that I know how, and God has proven faithful and real. I have experienced God, tasted God, and known God through Jesus Christ...Just like Mark spoke about in his sermon on Sunday.

I make no apologies for the squall of grief, anger, and despair that I long denied, eventually experienced and finally embraced. In an equally confounding manner, I have watched the clouds of anger dissipate. Only by leading me through such a cloud of despair, allowing my wounds to occur and then binding and healing them, could I come to this moment where my story has become restored to one of wholeness and authenticity that seeks to know God and his creativity through my calling to the care of souls.

When I see the community of faith that is blossoming in Knoxville, I get all excited about the impact God is going to have on the lives of those who live there. I also get excited about the undeniably personal manner in which God is letting me be a part of it. Instead of feeling stuck, or torn between two places (Chicago and Knoxville), I experience the absurdity of God's perfect timing, His calculated writing of my story as a part of His story, and a true knowing that I belong to God, and all that I have belongs to God.

Not too long ago, on his blog, Mark asked people to share their "reel to reel" moments of faith. And I think I just remembered my most important one. Reading the The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen for a class, I recognized myself in both the prodigal and in the resentful older brother. I desperately needed to be keenly aware of God's grace, to know and to believe that I am God's beloved. I also recognized my own scowl, similar to the older brother's, as a sign of my resentment of those who experience God's grace, but who haven't been doing the "hard work" that I have for most of my life. My lack of acceptance of grace stunted my ability to extend grace to others.

For the first time, I sensed a growing awareness and acceptance of God's grace. God kept placing in my life people who reflected to me just how much I am God's beloved. Beloved. Beloved. Over time, I began to believe it. In pieces, in parts, not fully. And being assured of being God's beloved provided to me an expansive and expanding grace toward others. I felt a freedom to love, to shephard, to hold those who dish out daily doses of vitirol, disease, and toxicity. However, my assurance doubts, it wavers, I act as if I am not God's beloved. I forget the loving way in which He created me, the exorbiant price He paid for soul. As evidence of my lack of faith, and my need for continual remembrance, I had that very word..."beloved" tattooed on my body. Not as proof to anyone, not as art, not as anything but a constant reminder that God has declared me His. Even in my darkest moments of doubt, the reality of that ink on my lower back declares to me that in the face of my unbelief, I am God's beloved.

I'm beloved. You're beloved. He is here. He is real.

One they actually won...

Chicago Christkindlmarket