Frankly, They Smell

We're ferret sitting for some dear friends. Dear friends are the only type of friend for whom you would agree to ferret sit. Because ferrets, they poop A LOT. And in weird places. They have a habit of biting you for no good reason.

And btw, someone tell my husband that if you turn on the vacuum cleaner when the ferret is out of its cage, it will lose its shit and go and hide in an impossible corner for 20 minutes in an unaccessible cavity under the bookcase. So, yeah.

Otherwise, we had an uneventful day, did a bit of afternoon shopping that had nothing to do with Christmas and everything to do with needing to get out of the house and to have a peppermint white chocolate mocha. Mmmm. We did buy a couple of items, but mostly spent our time running to the bank and browsing for things for our Christmas wish lists that we will never get. Like a Dyson (me) or every box set of Lost (him).

We're taking a short holiday into the city tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it. The cats and a friend will be guarding the house, and no ferrets are invited in our absence.

Stocking Your Therapist's Stocking

The holiday season is quickly approaching. There may be a good chance that you're actually around this year because of some wonderful mental health professional. Or maybe you just want to drown the children, kick the dog, and hoard all the candy canes a little less than you used to because of some good but hard therapy. It could be that your family hates you slightly less than they used to. This is a good thing that warrants a thank you gift for the person responsible.

During this season of joy, remember the person who sat with you when you were less than joyful, who listened to your entire life story (over and over and over again), who spent his or her weekend watching that movie just because you mentioned it in session, who spent many hours writing session notes when you simply had to write a check and make your way home, and who actually turned that story about how your sister got the better Barbie doll that one Christmas into a meaningful metaphor for your life.

Below are some gifts highly reccommended for that important therapist in your life.

1. www.knockknock.biz
The Self-Hurt Series from It has such great titles as How to Get Fat and How to Traumatize Your Children. These books contain such gem advice as:

As a controlling parent, you know what’s right. You know what your child should fear and what she should believe. You have the final say in what your child should wear every day, what friends she should have, and how much food she should put in her mouth. Because when there is not room in your universe for your child’s ideas or opinions, you save money on art supplies.

We are our successes and failures—after all what else is there?

Life is tough, and the sooner your child figures out he’s nothing special, the better.

2.
Does your therapist have cold feet? Afraid she suffers at home on cold winter mornings? Do you feel he sometimes "slips" and says things accidentally on purpose? Like that time he claims to have said, "Would you like to suck on a mint?" But you swear that's not what you heard. Well, then your therapist buddy needs some Freudian Slippers. I can personally testify that these are therapist tested and Freudian approved.



3. Maybe your therapist seems a little rusty in the therapy room after several years of practice, or he is a new therapist with that big licensing exam coming up. Maybe you just know that you know more than her. Showcase your knowledge and affinity for psychology based jokes by giving her Therapy Flashcards.










4.Sometimes the therapy relationship has boundaries that feel constrictive. Have you ever want to reach out and tickle your therapist? That concerned head nod make you want to break the tension of a deep moment? Fulfill all your unfulfilled fantasies and phantasies with this Tickle Me Freud plush doll. And have a laugh at your own expense.




5.Maybe you want to be a therapist. The thought of being in control of the therapy session, a wise old sage dressed in a sweater cardigan while fingering your beard, appeals to you. Instead of graduate school try fingering these puppets.Choose from your psychological menagerie of Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud, or Anna Freud. Couch included.




6.
When starting that new therapy practice, you may have times when you just don't know what to say to clients. For your budding psychology driven desires or to help out the favorite therapist in your treatment team, purchase Dr. Freud's Therapy Ball. It will provide 20 questions or phrases, Magic 8 Ball style, for those moments when the silence is awkward and must be filled.




7.Last, but certainly not least, if you want to tell your therapist to suck it, or if you'd like to suck your therapist, buy and share these watermelon flavored Freud Lollipops.

Chicago Christkindlmarket

And another thing...

I have a younger cousing who will turn 14 next week. She's in 8th grade. She's the only child of my mom's younger sister. Aunt S was like a second mom to me while I was growing up, I love her, and my cousin. Via my cousin's MySpace page, I found out what she got for Christmas:

Laptop. laptop case, book, North Face Coat and a LABELERRRR!!!


OKay, I know that this was not a hard purchase financially for my aunt and uncle. But, good grief! Not that it's the same world, but I didn't get a laptop until I bought one to share with my husband this year at the age of 26. I bought my North Face coat for half price at a going out of business sale, and I had to save for a year for it still in college. And, darnit, why didn't I ask for a labeller?

To each his own, but I see my cousin headed for a life of spoiledom. Moreover, what the heck is she doing posting a bulletin on MySpace for all her friends to know what she got? I am from a rural area, I can bet you money very few if any kids got near what she did for Christmas. Sigh.

Be still my heart...

For the first time in nearly 4 years, we have cable television. No more turning the screwdriver to adjust the picture. We can actually watch NBC...and TLC, and SciFi, and FX, and HGTV, and and....Christmas comes early some years..